How am I genuinely happy in school around the people I "supposedly" love?

But when I go home to the people that "supposedly" love me, all I want to do is cry...

You are ******* worth it

you are a cluster of stars
you are too great to touch
but as i lay in warm grass
and gaze up
i could never feel alone
i find comfort in your darkness
this starry night is my home

Three nights ago I was the happiest id been.
Three nights ago I had one perfect thing.
Three nights ago I was finally sure.

Two nights ago I ****** all that up.
Two nights ago I could love my reflection.

Last night I ****** my second ( third depending on how you look at it ) chance up.

But a year ago I laid eyes on a girl who hasnt left the back of my mind since.
She always said to me how love wasnt real, and to me that was *******.
"Ive been in love tons of times over the past 3 years"  I probably thought.

But those sophmoric ideals and freshman follys had taught me nothing and left me with nothing but a false shell of what I thought love was.
I never knew really but now I do I think, or I think I have a better idea.
Love is when you literally cant be apart from someone without counting the hours in between seeing them again.
Love is when the thought of someone not wanting you makes you wake up in the middle of the night.
Love is when the drugs hAve you  so out of it you dont think you can get off the couch but if  you heard their voice youd sprint full speed towards it.
Love is being overly sensitive about someones actions or emotions or thoughts because they are too selfish to see that the things they do effect other people and still not wanting THEM to be hurt.
Love is having your greatest fear wrapped around you and kissing it on the cheek because thats the only thing it wants.

I think I can also find love in the fact that  My world crumbled around me as you pulled out of my driveway once again and I laid punch after punch into my door and screamed your favorite curse word into the metal I could only see your face and the horror that might be on it seeing me like this and that was the worst moment of my life I felt like my heart was literally climbing through my throat to reach my brain and knock some fcking sense into it.

Im still not sure of what love is but I KNOW I love you

There's a place in her mind
where he can not reach,
no matter how deep
his longing goes.
Her form lies with his
but her closed eyes are
drinking in worlds
he never could,
no matter how much
he thirsts.
She's breathing in
ethereal elements
his lungs will never know,
because she is his dreamer.

I want to die.
I don't want to live this lie.
I just want to cry.
Please just let me die.
I want to close my eyes.
I have these cuts on my thighs.
Can I please say 'Good-bye".
Please dry those eyes.
I am done with life.