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 Jan 2016 Sumina Thapaliya
Pax
loner
 Jan 2016 Sumina Thapaliya
Pax
i'M an empty shell
who pretends to be

**alive.
being me, is not easy, being a loner is hard, its not as easy as you can open up to anyone.
 Jan 2016 Sumina Thapaliya
Aris
I was always wrong.
Never been right for anyone.
And then you told me this words;
"Let me just stare at you
And your soul
Quite tainted
But still wonderfully crafted"

You gave me hope
You told me that I am right for you
And you are hoping that you're right for me

*But where are you now, My dear~
It took more than three years to get over you,
To start feeling normal and happy again,
I felt good to feel happy and normal again, until
I met her….
I never realized, I was falling for her, in fact I had forgotten how does it feel
To be in love again, until
I met her….  
It is the absence which makes you realize what you feel for someone,
When I met her at the gate after a weeks’ time, I knew it….

As days pass by and years run, I started seeing my lost happiness in her,
Even when she is stubborn and adamant,
I restrain,
her laughing lips,
her crunching nose,
her wavy hair and the small fish like eyes
Are my weakness … they are a poesy ….

Just tell me what you want,
Ask me to show the world,
We will walk together,
To see new places and new people…..
I know you don't want this anymore... but how can I ever stop it, if I am falling for you faster than rain (David Drewer)...and all that I can dream of is how amazing we could have been...
My heart searches the airwaves for an answer...
Feeling for a pulse,
For a bead of life.
Tired and torn,
My understandings shatter like glass...
Teardrops line the cracks and gaps
That exist between the fragments
Of my scuffed and scattered mind.
Memories dance like a rogue sunbeam
Sparkling on the sequins of my blouse.
Like silver stars twinkling across a sea of Burberry carpet,
Flashes of inspiration capture my wandering eye.
A twist of thread lies on the floor before me;
Black and tangled,
Free and formless...
A stark contradiction to my carefully catalogued
Collections of thought.
I somehow awoke to this nightmare:
A kingdom of sorrow
Where fear has become the patriarch.
Enslaved by my base desires,
Steel bars of ignorance brandish the cells
Of my caged and captive potential.
Every atom of my composure
Becomes no more than a cruel trick of light,
A practiced sleight of hand...
A ruse that has become impenetrable,
Seamless and familiar;
Touching the darkest parts of the heart,
Caressing the ill begotten frills
Of our utterly underdeveloped souls.
Yet, still,
we endure.

The wheel turns,
The fire burns,
The spirit yearns,

The ashes gather
And fill the urns...

And Still,
We Endure.
 Jan 2016 Sumina Thapaliya
Sophia
Sentimental or not, if you do read this, just know that I'm happy hat we've hung on to life for yet another year.
You're now turning 18. You've been alive for over a decade.
Just last year, you were planning on ending your life.
You didn't.
It was hard, painful, tiresome, but you didn't give in; You're still here.
Thank you for giving me another year to live.
No matter how you decide to spend this day, and no matter how you may be feeling right now, just know this;
You're a warrior.
You always were.
Even at the times you fell and got hurt. You didn't call it quits, because warriors never surrender.
And now here we are. 18 years.
I hope we live long enough to see tomorrow rise.
I hope that with the sunrise, a new chapter of your life will begin. And I hope in this chapter, you will be happy.
Genially, instinctively, heart-warmingly happy.
Best wishes.
I hope you make it.

*letters to my future self, 16.7.2015
I found this in my journal today. Enough to say that I broke down crying. 2016, please be gentle. Here's to another year.
You be good

I love you

Can,
Can you hear the rain?

ill See you again

when you leave
When you hear the rain
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