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Chainsmoking menthols,
creating clouds on parade.
Living in the dark;
frenching hurt that I've made.
There's a sadness in my comfort
and a comfort in my sadness.
***, fame, ******* down
commercialized madness.

I don't dream of pornstars
as much as I dream of clothes.
Videogames to escape it all,
carbon monoxide through my nose.
Too good for this and that;
entitlement at an all-time high.
Doing television to help me live,
or maybe to help me die.

Spotify for the masses
beating in my brain.
Youtube and pornhub
to make me feel the same
as the lost I compare to myself
and the celebs I want to be.
I want to be on edge, rich, validated;
I want to live in a fractured harmony.
Smooth* like chocolate
Your taste on my lips
—I can't resist it.
 Oct 2016 nothing's Amiss
Akemi
Holy rot. I cover the street.
Breaking, breaking.
Loose glass, filling with blood.
Teeth on the pavement.
Teeth in the sky.
I’m sick of these smiles.
Blood flowing laughter.
The body turned inward.
Crossing a river.
What connects me to you?
The hunger. The horror.
The wretched maw of time.
laughing through the pavement glass breaks and the ocean rises bones teeth hair stupid smiling faces thursday night the earth is flooding but the children run fingers through empty palms cans runoff spoiled dirt faces pressed into the earth like bottle caps dead birds wrapped in ******* and oil drinking black bourbon death puking why ******* why wrists pills exhaust fumes rope around the neck no wonder life wastes through itself in this post-ironic age
I gave love a name once
But now I hate it
I hate the word not because of the word itself
But the feeling it provoked
Such beauty was fragile
When it left
Like a bad taste in the mouth
It tangled itself around my tongue
Sweet and bitter
I hate that I love it
It loves that it hates me
 Aug 2016 nothing's Amiss
Akemi
maybe the ground is tilting
i descend
earth dipped in blood
kid eating a candy apple
space all stretched
fuzzed out
light beams round tree limbs
hanging lanterns
i try to speak
density
a million billion stars crushed into a black-
you pick up the jacket and throw it
the cat says bow-wow
bow-wow
bow-
my head a ******* balloon
string tangled like negative space
the moon’s surface
i hate this world
black white wash wash wash
the ground is geometry
flesh walking in circles
 Aug 2016 nothing's Amiss
0o
Woke with the sting of regret, it’s been too long since I fell,
I missed the rush of fresh air, I missed the taste of the smell,
I was in love with the tightrope, the stained glass of her eyes,
Bowed by the weight of surrender, I settled for compromise,
Watching those false idols dance, turning wolves into sheep,
As we played coy with the monsters that sang us to sleep,
I had a million places to go, and so much I’d hoped to say,
But I wasted another tomorrow thinking about yesterday,
And those sticky situations where we all came unglued,
While I daydreamed a sky that wouldn’t mirror my mood,
A slow dance with routine, and every face looks the same,
I was choking to death on the stale taste of my name,
So I started sanding sharp edges, hoping that I might fit in,
I spent a year writing my ending, so I could finally begin,
Dusting off open road acrobatics, I twisted south by the sea,
Searching for the rotting remains of who I thought I should be,
But it was just another battle that I lost to the war,
The same wrecking ball feet with new roads to explore,
Nothing quite felt right, my fingertips became springs,
I’d lost the girl to save the world, and other foolish things,
It was my first last-ditch effort, my best second guess,
I painted myself into a corner of the picture of success,
Fifteen-hundred miles, and still felt so far out of reach,
Until late one night my phone rang as I walked along the beach,
I told my story to the old man as he listened patiently,
When I finished, he calmly asked me to turn and face the sea,
He said, “The ocean is the journey, the sum of all you gave,
Do not lose perspective; this is but a single wave.”
I drove home that night and slept for the first time in half a week,
And when I awoke, the path before me didn’t feel quite so bleak,
I realized there’s no shame in letting someone catch us if we fall,
And that being lost is different than being nowhere at all,
I learned that each story is a lesson, not merely a scar,
And that all we have left is not the same as everything we are.
 Aug 2016 nothing's Amiss
cgembry
I have never stuttered in pen
misspoken in ink
or choked in my writing
the way I do
whenever I speak
my fingertips always know
the right words to say
my tongue is still learning
Somedays I don't feel like writing
and it worries me because
'Writers write everday --
real ones, at least.'
I fear being ordinary,
which is tasteless because
maybe being ordinary
is what I need.

The appeal of snapbacks
and hipster haircuts
is starting to make more sense.
Blending into a crowd
might suit me better;
to be invisible but
to no longer be insecure.

Rap lyrics make more sense,
even though I can't relate;
these words are my sedation,
these clothes aren't armor
but marketable camouflage.
My words have been said before,
but that might be okay because
I'd hate to torment myself
wondering about my relevance.

So, to move on, I write,
and I write, and I write
to pander and to conform.
Substituting thought for
appealing diction and
strong imagery, afraid
to show myself because
maybe you're too much
like me, which, surely,
would eat me alive.
Tainted the dreams,
once had, realizing
how they grew in toxic.
I focus on my bank account
and not feeling alone.
The man in 1080p repeats,
'Where has my America gone?'
Fifty or sixty, and billionaire rich --
I guess I'm his working class *****.

Voting on how to
delude myself best;
I am part of a
dollar bill nest,
where I get to see
but don't get to touch,
where I get to give
but don't get too much.
 Aug 2016 nothing's Amiss
Akemi
everyone is dying
has died
will die
the greatest predictor of the death sentence is ethnicity
we're been increasing the income gap so our children leave home without shoes or umbrellas or lunches or coats
i hate this world so much i
choke on my worthless privilege
reading research pieces playing
playstation to escape my own existence
i am breaking apart like waves of
radio static on unconscious shores
waiting for the end to sweep the earth into
sand glass broken teeth
the sun's plasma core
*******
**** your cult of everything will be alright
my gender studies tutor was ***** because you stood by
and said the world isn't a fair place
and to get over it
*******
*******
*******
i ******* hate you all
down down down dig devour falling failing sheets shaking shivering breaking broken fractured pieces pieces piece no nothing grasping always nowhere black and shivering aching floor crumpled wasting watching silent sealed lips teeth tongue eyes scared always away disappear dissipate folded placed tucked gone hidden seven one two three four shut closed door enter exit passageways transitions alleys streets hallways movement falter stutter wait hesitate lose time place purpose self everything twists turns left alone apart further further further precipice light pinpoint placement displaced dissolve fingers eyelids cheeks arms stretching heaven sky clouds rain water drowning choking falling always blanket cover cower kneel knee cold winter streetlights orange white snow shoulders leaning loving losing receding distance sunset dusk twilight penumbra cast caught flattened bounded trapped traveller travelling stranger faceless unknown unknowing unknowable knowledge suffering shrinking burning blackened paper ashes red black grey split scattered severed severing never never never never never
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