This one piece of art I made
Looked like a **** and *****
For more than a year
Before it was a woman
Though it was always a woman

I was so frustrated to have people
Celebrate this woman I saw
As a big ol’ **** and *****
But I could see it

Still, it is a woman
In the painting
Crazy to see
What my audience sees as
Apparent **** and *****
As such an obvious
And alluring
Example of womanhood

Somehow general procrastination
Made a ******* statement
And I’m so impressed
While I refuse
To think I chose this
In a moment of genius

**** me
Life happened
There it is

You never said what made you heart react
That one time
When you heart reacted to that video
The video on Instagram?
You didn't interact with anything I sent for
Maybe twenty videos, y'know
I know - I send too much
But finally I got one right
I wanna get it right again
With zero context pretty much
You'll get a lot of
Like just lots of
Tons of really
Martial arts reels - exhibitions
And jokes like that one
You know the one
You double tapped it
Pull it up
In your activity
Your likes
It's really funny
But not -
No I saw that too, but it's -
No, I think -
Maybe? Wait -
No, you should check your messages
Impatiently
Your messages, uh-huh

The closest I'll get to almost opening
That infamous browser app
The one shaped like a stamp
On my LG enV Touch
The wavy blue thumbnail
That one
Or the rotating Earth
The one led by an arrow
On another LG
It's a flip phone
I don't know the name
But the first one I had
I might add
I just did
It's been added
Is probably opening apps
That alert other people
To my sleeping habits
It's five o'clock
I'm out back smoking
And check Instagram
Then remember my mom
Asking me why I'm up
On her schedule
And swipe up as if
She'd be charged for that ****
And she is
What an angel for paying
For me to have
PHONE
Not the same as it was
Frantically tapping before I'm punished
Or I have to say why I did what I did
Same and not in some ways
But as close as I'll get

Every moment of your life
Could be a different moment
Is a different moment
In your very own Spider-Verse
TVA-pruned timeline
Marvel garbage science

Assuming that's reality
I roll up a spliff and smoke it
I roll up a spliff and don't
I smoke just the cannabis
Or smoke tobacco
Or don't smoke at all
Unlikely here and now, but
I could choose to
Choose not to smoke

And every choice I make
I also didn't
So potentially I'm something
Or else something else
But everything I am
Or I become
I'm not
And I will never be

To breathe
Or not to breathe
To clean the house
Or finally apply for jobs online
Once I update my resume
Or make some kind of tangible progress
Or none of that
Some version of none of that

Dancing like
Spinning is
Basically
What dancing is
Touching more than
Either of us touches
Dizzy now
Falling and
Catching ourselves
In a moment
And you get
Into them
I want to
Share in your
Joy -
Don't change the song, not yet
I just got into it
Once we can breathe again
We will be over it

I want things
But I always wish I had more money
Money buys things
I want things
I need money to get them
But I don’t really want money
I just want what I want
And to get what I want
I need -
Well really, I just need
What I want
There are other ways
To get things
That don’t involve money
But bartering requires
Objects of value to trade
And in lieu of
- I’m fancy -
In lieu of objects
Services could get me things
I want things
I have skills
That don’t make me money
But could get me things
And it’s getting redundant but
I want things
My services aren’t in demand
Not for financial gain
Or as trade so
There's my wishlist
A google doc
Outlining things hoped for
Including links and jpegs and
Descriptions of tattoos
And potential piercings
The motorcycle still weathering the elements
In my friend’s backyard
And the lessons and gear I need before
I could even ride the thing
Seems like a lot already but
I want things
As supported by the list
And as much as I want to not
Want to have money
I want things
And bartering requires
More I don’t have
That I want

Not being the one to do the work
Of mowing my lawn every couple of weeks
Waking up or passing out to
Hands on a pushmower out my bedroom window
The landscapers scaping the land
At what feels like the crack of dawn
Waking up to a full compost bin
And a barren backyard
It’s a trip
Nothing inside is maintained
With the same aim to minimize clutter
And maximize space - open space
It’s like nothing is better to look at
Than thriving - expanding environments
Left to incorporate anything ready to grow
Refuse accepted as art as it piles up
Hoarding possibilities and information
And meaningful clutter
Gutting it isn’t just clean
It’s reductive