on a scale of 1-10
I am terrified
terrified of putting myself out there just for it to be ignored
or even worse
unnoticed
yes I like you
do you like me?
is there anything I can do to help?
please just give it a chance
it won’t hurt to try
i’ll be here
waiting

I go through the day,
Putting forth a happy display,
Living out my life
Like it were just another picture
To be made and played
By fervent, cheering crowds:
Only it’s my own reality
That I am not allowed

I have a scar on my right hand, directly below my ******* knuckle.
It is from my teeth digging into my skin while I shoved my fingers down my throat.
It is from me trying to rid myself of hate,
To rid myself of ugly.
To rid myself of the thought that, "I am not worthy if I am fat".

It has been exactly 1 year and 3 months since I last forced myself to *****.
And I can tell.
I can see every single calorie that was not purged,
Every single pound that my body has held on to,
And every single ***** look in the mirror.

But for some reason, you don't see that.
You undress me and you call me beautiful.
It makes me want to *****.
You touch me and i flinch.
You tell me you love me and I ask how?

The only time I feel worthy is when I'm gagging into a toilet bowl with swollen eyes.

The mothbitten light streaked in from the yellow moon, dodging
between ribbons of old curtains and dust, and bounced
from your quiet face in stunned silence.
Your clear and cloudy grey eyes transformed into diamonds,
staining your face with a reflected blue too
beautiful to ignore and not at all dulled, igniting
blazing fires within each iris and bringing them to life.
Wild and honest like the wind, I fell
apart when you looked at me
for you have all of the stars in your eyes
and I wasn't ready to see them yet.

Blurry finds a place to close her eyes.
Head swells up with a demons lies.
Drowsy stops when the evil dies.
Body loosens up and begins its rise.