Some nerve you have, are you a ******* actor all of a sudden?
You almost had all of my heart
My doors were open to your pointview
Let you colour outside the lines
Showed you a whole new normal
I don't catching feelings. I get gone no time wasted on the stupid


I'm so mad at myself, I'm not used to this. I'm so used to men ******* with me just for my outer surface not my true worth. I grew up thinking I'm a queen like men don't face me....
..being the life of the party..a star in the dead of the winter
Having fun and dancing my pain away..
I'm not use to men staying for my personality or my thoughts
I believed every single act of kindness...and it was a ******* show fake love at the hightest level

I can’t do this anymore
I want to run away before the race even starts
Why are you trying to change me before you get to know the real me
its like you and I don't speak the same language anymore
I'm losing myself piece by piece and its driving me crazy
I’m hiding my true self because you can’t handle all of me
The rushing to commit before I’m ready is pushing me away
I’m slipping between your finger tips and soon I’ll disappear
I keep trying tell you it’s over.. I’m done
But you can’t or won’t understand  
It’s not working.. it’s too hard too fast too much work
I feel so guilty stressing out pretending and lying
You are trying to play house and dress me up to fit in your life
I’m such a good lair and I feel so shamed
It’s better to end this well we still have some dignity....

2017/2-12-22

Rewind And **** it all
i hate you love  **** is like my backpack
no need to cry no tears no water
you keep the park not the ivy paert
i was big red you lie when you speak
im not glad but im not just mad
you ****** with an ugly heart
you went on a lion sleeping
no leap no tea no ******* frogs
i hate that you loved raw no glove
i said takecare no longer
useful no water no sun

He
Its like she give my heart an incision wit no precision n trip. I swear this girl be trippin wit no permission slip

She
He has me falling all over myself just one look and i can barely control myself ,, why is he speaking about permission when all this was written long ago

HE
It might have been written long ago in the history books. But now she sittin in a page of my mystery books. i guess kanye was right and it all falls down. Cuz she fell off the Smoove throne but i aint take away the crown


She
Now its war...why is he lying, it was he who had me crying and now i'm so over caring, you can have your fake crown and feel like a man...i just want my heart back before the hole in it gets any bigger,, this heart used to beat, it used to sing such a beautiful song but now it screams ****** and boy did you do the crime

HE
Fake crown or not you were my queen. I bowed down to your love cuz it was stronger than me. I would have given up kingdomes and gold for just one kiss. Leavin you would be suicide like skitting my wrist. But now you left me and i hate you but its u i always miss. But now the beat of my heart is elongated. But what ever happened no we gon make it. You got me cut so deep no knife no sword. Took my heart like kanye took taylors award. You said You'd **** for me thats how bad you wanna ride. But you end up killin me without a homicide


She
I guess my love was too much for your fragile heart to handle because you give up so quick kanye didn't even have a chance, i wish we had a fight or if someone else in the picture cause then i could understand why you stabbed me in the back when i was to busy only looking at you, its alright i'm okay finally sick of all your many changing faces, your true colors are out for me, now i never want to see you again, these lips you can never taste again, i'm done with this hating myself for something that's in the past, its funny now that i'm gone you keep saying i'm the who took your heart away when i never really had to begin with maybe beyonce has it now i don't care cause all this is so yesterday

He
You say its so yesterday. But why do i see myself hurtin till tomorrow. The pain and the sorrow. I gave you ma heart and you threw it back like it was it was somethin to borrow. Funny i didn't i looked a library. I wasn't obsessed wit you aint maria carey. you say i gave my heart to beyonce but your irreplaceable. You can only love once i thought you were misplaceable. But now your lost like the tv show and untraceable. Everything wit you made sense but now im so illogical, our love was higher than any level we was astronomical. I was deep inside you spiritual biological. Deeper than your follicle. There will never be another no sequel no chronical. At least your hearts beatin. Mine wont stop bleedin. Without you i'm like asthma. No breathin. How am i supposed to survive. Plz come back to me i wanna stay alive. For your lovin i thrive. Your sweet and beautiful like a bee hive. so please come back i deserve a second chance. And i promise the level our love will enhance

She
But you don't see that this over for me i can't keep throwing myself at your feet begging you to catch me, i'm like a fish out of water i can't survive in your world, when i think back on how good we use to be i literally shake, the way i used to melt whenever i hear your name, the way my knees used to go weak, how i used to see the sun,stars and the moon in your eyes,you were a monster on my back, a drug i couldn't turn down, an addiction that rotted my soul but..now all that keeps playing in my head like motion picture,everything we've been through and everything about you seemed to a big lie, a lie you made yourself see true, where the hell was i when you loved me like you say you do, i only remember all those broken promises, all those times you chose your career over me, when all you cared about was the money, the cars, the clothes and the ***'s, i suppose you want me to believe you once again, wait for your calls again like a silly lost pigeon but i won't cause i can't..not anymore

Hush my baby, don't you cry
don't let a teardrop fall for that ***
that she who broke you down
that ***** who made you hate love
that she devil that shot you with a load gun full of hate
Yeah, I know she hurt you, almost **** near killed you
But don't let that end you before i can heal you

I'm right here waiting
With open an heart and arms that never close
I know you feel shattered all over
there's not a place that witch didn't damage
But my love can cure any evil spell

So consider me everything she could never be
the answer to all your questions
i can feel that little piece of magic still beating in your heart and its screaming out for me
so let me in, how long do you think i can bang on the walls around your heart before you let them fall
let my love be the medicine you need, let my touch awaken you once again


i can fix what's broken, your love was meant for me anyway
you see its gonna be different with me
cause this love is speical like a sunset that fades into a star
something no one in the history of world ever felt
it's about time you let all your old slef disintegrate and embrace this love

I remember those nights when I used to laugh,
Find amusement in childish things,
Had a smile so beautiful it made people cry in jealousy,
I didn't just walk away... I flew by everyday misery
I had wings that could glow in the harsh light...
I had voice so sweet men used to fall down to there knees and pray I would never leave...
NOW all that is gone like the famous wind
Holding onto memories turns me bitter like an old rusty car machine; no heart where the ignition is supposed to lay, no wheels spinning in my mind -they called me damages goods -a rotten apple with a muddled soul that's all I am now...

You ripped out my heart and now all I am is a shell
Empty of feelings
Emotionless
My eyes turn gray, my sky filled with rain
You’re killing me softly, tearing me apart and I can’t stand it
So broken and worst of all my pieces are uneven
I know you can’t love what’s killing you but why do I still want too
I wish you could have been stronger, kept this love cool
Instead of lighting us on fire
I take nothing but the memories
You leave nothing but the pictures
And all that equals are the footprints
There are some things you can never take away
Something things time can’t heal
You lied when you said you love me
You shot me down with a load gun when you walked away
Since you been gone every moment has been spent fighting back tears
Why let the tears flow when you’re not here to see them fall
Please someone press rewind or fast forward .i want the beginning or the ending, I don't want to sit through this song.
They say real love stories never have happy endings because real love stories never end.

Hoping that you just might know better
Feels like hoping for nothing..almost like waiting for rain in middle of a drought
A thousand clever tricks all up rolled into one BIG lie
You mind ****** the reality out of me
True colors left unseen...Soul drained after all these years wasted
Living in make believe land Was where I was found
With flowers pushed slowly down my throat
Lies crawled up to the pits of my stomach, tightening every muscle along its path
Why was my love unread?
I never asked because I was played
You had me for a fool you sick son of *****
Finally enough of you was enough for me to walk away
And the bullet in your heart was just a little goodbye *gift

Who knew what loves you most
breaks you so hard
Shatters you to a million pieces
and when you realize
just how much they mean
even the  tiny  fragments
aren't enough to love them back
For what they did
For who they are
For how they made you feel
For making your memories
so painstakingly painful
For every moment
Because you can’t keep your eyes closed forever
when you hide everything
Bottled it up
Threw it all away
into the ocean
Who knew the ocean ran in rips and currents
What flows out flows back in
what goes up must come back down
When something like this hurts its hard to fight back........

I found my life in the midnight hour, and the air tasted like my dreams
Totally and completely destroyed the old me, who used to be so afraid
I fell in love as I studied every angle of his perfect face, I knew every curve of his smile
He stole my identity, and changed every part of me
The thirst I felt for him was endless, like water in the desert he left me barren
An unprotected heart is dangerous for a thief in the heat of the darkness  
He gave me life and all he required was my soul, everything that made me
Stole all that made me special, buries my mind until I all I saw was him
Too soon my eyes turned into emptiness, deep inside me I was all his
Every inch of my body was left untouched by his fingertips, stained
All he had to do was never leave me, just stay and I would have been fine

Smashing on the gas pedal going 195 on the highway on route my way
rushing pass by nightmares, trying to catch up with long last dreams
a full tank in my car, radio so loud i can barely hear you in my head now
telling me I'm nothing without you and that I'll never make it



A thousand more miles left to go till i right all the wrongs you did me boy
as i feel the wind in my hair i wonder to myself how i stayed for so long
with you always kicking me down, making me feel like dirt
how did i handle all your punches across my face whenever you pleased
all the threats and all those lies you kept spiting in and out
why the hell did i wake up every mooring with soaking pillows filled my tears



The mirror shows a woman with a black eye and cuts all over a reflection i don't know
raindrops bleeding off my cheeks onto the pictures of us
it's time for a goodbye I'll always remember
I'm going far and there's only room for one
mark the calendar cause today is the last straw there's no life here
the road is my and its never ending
there's no looking back no way no how can't look back now
I found the cure within myself from your disease
Grew stronger the moment I wasn't around you anymore

If I say I love you a million times
It'll never be enough...
Because the feeling?
It's indescribable.
I love you
Is not enough
Compared to this feeling.
It's kind of like unspoken magic.
You leave my heart open every time
Open to this voodoo you cast whenever you smile
And I promise no matter what -
I'll never forget, I'll never change this feeling.
Keep it close to my heart.
We're two worlds apart
Different in so many ways
But the same in every way
But is it worth it?
Hold my hand when you're lost in the dark
I'm willing to accept you such the way you are but can you do same for me ?

Feels like I'm losing my mind

Running out of patients

Cos I don't know what to believe in anymore

Can't you feel this heat, you can't even compare it to hell

This love has got me out of control and it shows

I can hardy see when all my tears start to flow

I count to ten tell myself to breathe but the pain is too much

You punch a hole in my heart when you say I love u

Cos deep down I know its all illusion

You use your kisses to confuses me

It's a **** crime how you have me in your pockets

To use and reuse when all your luck deserts you

Every time I walk away tell myself I'm done

There's always a part of me that won't let me go out the door

Making me go in circles your idea of happiness

Do you like seeing me in chains all locked up to your heat

Why do I say yes when my brain screams hell no

Why do I go back to the beginning of this song when the melodies don't change and all the words are still the same?

I build walls all around my heart; close my eyes from the memories and burn every last picture but at the end of the day my heart just can't leave yours alone

You see my heart has got issues, its sick from every lie you told me, you see these lips full of poison from your unwanted kisses

They say only love can set you free that's why I'm finally saying goodbye
I found myself love, once again the sun sets

I can't hate you but I'm **** sure can't love you, prisoner free at last

Break me .
i dare you to try.
i want to shatter.
i want the pain.
let the sun shine no more.
let the rain pour on my wounds.
like a crumbling cookie.
pull me to pieces.
leave me.broken -unfix-able -worn-out .
because i want the taunts.
i want your words to hurt.
humiliation- disrespect me over and over.
give me something that's.
going to hurt like hell.
like a knife in my heart.
twist the knife until I cry out for more.
give me something.
that's going to make me wish.
that i wasn't alive.
try to break all my walls down .
see if you even leave a dent .
im over caring.compassion.protection .
im so over games.i want the worst you got.
don't hold back now. break me .make me stronger.
let me experience all that you've got
like a whirlwind -hurricane-tornado.
do the damage make it a hit and run if you want .
then leave me.to struggle on my own
leave me to pick my the pieces.
but make it spontaneous.
because i don't want to know its coming.
i don't want to safeguard myself .or shield my heart.
let the full impact hit me like a car.
let your words spill over me like a river.
my villains don't wear outrageous costumes & fly through the sky..

Poetry spillsout of my soul like a wild flame and I'm just now finding out not all tears are sad.
Sometimes we get too happy for our own good that's all.
And we can't take it, so we leak.
Leak until the joy we feel spill's into tomorrow
Drip by drip the tears flow in my veins until they awake my eyes

And I blink with joy on my mind

With your finger tips under my eyes wiping away my sweet happiness
There you go again like poetry you break me down like a sonnet
And fill my paper with words I can't speak just yet
And I'm falling like ink upon a tissue
Like I never had an **** issues
Like magic that works its miracles

I wonder what really matters in the end the story ,the journey the mistakes or the adventures that brought us here the regrets or the promise made in those moments the acting or the telling of those feelings, finding it or losing we were just caught in-between of it sunsets or sunrises all i've ever wanted was to be your goodnights and good mornings, fill my heart with everything build it up to the skies let our love reach to the galaxys even after you were long gone i could feel your arms wrapped around me feel the imprint of your kisses on my soul i'll remember it all like it a picture hanging in the corner of my mind i'll never let go even if i'm grabing onto nothing you watched me fall into a hole and threw dirt upon me hide behind good intentions, sloppy *** excuses all those half-truths you spit out to keep me in the drak my heart is in knots, all twsited up inside and all i taste is bitter acid

This love didn't happen like a speeding bullet or rain that stops to soon it's more like a flower that can grow to its full potential.
Love didn't happen the first night we went out to that little coffee shop when I couldn't stop smiling.
Love didn't happen the second night when you laughed with me and held my face in your hands and told me I was the one.
Love didn't happen when you shook every alarm I ever believed in and held me so close I could dance to the moon.
It happened when you said being with me was like breathing for the first time and that the air never tasted this good before you held me.
You told me you love me over and over like broken record in my brain.
I know this would last when you looked upon my reflection on the TV screen with your hand on my shoulder, when you thought I couldn't see you and you reached over and held me closer than you had before for just a moment and you said **** baby we just fit.
I finally felt that love loved me back more then I deserve.
It done me so wrong in the past made me cry until the inside of my eyes dried.
Love before your love was so **** painful.

Our story was such a big cliche, our eyes locked and you took my breath away
Before i even meant you i knew i needed you
you're were so unexpected
Hidden away until your heart called me to you
You banged all walls around me, pierced my soul
Love was just a word until its proven with real meaning
I close my eyes thinking that nothing feels as good as an embrace after lifetime of loneliness
Nothing like fitting my face into the curve of his neck and taking in his sweet scent
Filing my lungs with our shared promises as the ground shakes underneath us we turn our life upside down
Altered it completely changed it piece by piece
After it's all said and done you could never really leave me
Because you will always have all of me