Its like a train ride,
Don't know your destination,
Or who's going to come along,
Uncertain when it ends,
Or when it will begin,
Then again,
What would it be like if it all was certain?

I asked a beautiful boy
to write my birthday on my wrist.

I passed him a purple pen
and he sat shoulder-to-shoulder with me
resting my arm on his leg.

We sat like this
for much longer than we should've.

And you know what I asked him?

I asked a beautiful boy
to be my boyfriend.

my words are tired
want to be loved
want to be held close as you fall asleep

my words want to have a home
want to be spoken freely
want to be met with open arms

my words want to live in the heart
be written in the teeth of a smile
be spun like wool from the tongue

my words wish to be heard
be embraced by open ears
be whispered in softness

I met you at the chance,
A coincidence,
But I never believed in those.

I learned to believe in fate.

The connection between us instantly clicked,
Like a cord to a power plug,
Like a button on a blouse,
Like rain to the ground.

We talked and talked and talked and tal---
till the teacher told me to stop.

One day in my favorite class--Art,
I was listening to my music and drawing trying to ignore the feelings I was beginning to feel,
Forgetting you existed---forgetting you changed my world.
But your voice drowned my music with a simple question,
"What are you listening to?"
Figuring out a reply,
"Just some random song, its really old, like 2003---"
Stopping myself before I start blathering,
"Come'on, what song is it?" you say, with a big smile on your face.
What if he makes fun of my music? What if he hates me after I show him?
But without having to choose, I hear your voice again interrupting my thoughts
My iPod in your hand and a simple reply,
"I love this song"
I take out my left earphone and pass it too you silently,
and we sit like this, both of us dazed in the thought of---

It's hard to write a sad poem
my heart wants to fly
scream words of passion and love
not cries of sadness and pain

lost my touch as a poet
forgotten what's made me angry
I don't need to fret
sparks can be sweet

see the only thing
a poet knows better than saddness
is the longings and whispers
of the tragedy we call love

I come back inside
cold from the windy winter day
worst day to wear a short sleeve
but
you know about my bad decisions

I sit down
hands, face and feet numb

"My hands are freezing!"

I rub them together
no warmth

You watch me
suddenly
grab my hand
interlock our fingers

my heart stops
I cease to breathe
from the cold
or you
I'm not sure

You laugh
I look down

I interlocked my fingers wrong
How did I fail so terribly?
Oops

Readjust

I am happy
and warm

from your warmth
or the rush of unexplainable emotions
I'm not sure

I scream and shout over your shoulder
10 decibels too loud yet it's like it never reached your ears, not a single noise
not even the sound of the truth
can't help but wonder
Do you hear me?

take comfort in the fact no scars, no marks were left on my skin, only salty tears
I tell myself sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me
its all a lie protecting myself, telling myself it's okay
Do you feel me?

choke back tears did it really happen if you can't see it?
too many questions dancing in my head, this won't happen again sometimes we all get out of control right
kisses mean nothing, can't even apologize, am I that worthless?
Do you taste me?

making endless excuses I believe, just to remember that the only affirmation of my pain is locked up in the twisted vault of my memories
still wear your favourite red dress and rose perfume only time you're ever happy
Do you smell me?

other days it's like I'm not even there, out of sight, out of mind, just a distant thought within you but you have to remember that I see you!
I see all of you!
like a ghost or I'm invisible I start to float away
Do you see me?

wasted time, regret, a death sentence I condemned
too many questions maybe this is the end
*Did you ever love me?

You deny being a poet
Yet every word you say

Is poetic.

That moment where it doesn't matter anymore,
That moment where you can just let go,
Free.
That moment where it is just you,
That moment when you are all to yourself,
Alone.
That moment when it always matters,
That moment when it infected your mind,
Love.
That moment where time just casually stops,
That moment where all movement ceases,
Time.
That moment.

I was looking for the murderer in you
the serial killer
the ******
the thief
the criminal

now I realize I should have looked in the mirror.

Dropping down to the floor,
In the end of its galore,
It sings its last song,
Doing no right nor no wrong,
Making your heart skip a beat,
It has committed a great feat,
Calling your name,
It loses the game.

once there was a boy
he wanted to be a man
but he misunderstood
he saw these self-proclaimed "men"
stoic big strong
sweep a lady off their feet
smooth as butter on a frying pan
he played dressup
crisp suits and hats

I fear he failed to realize though
he was a man
in fact the manliest of them all

a mark of a man is not
how many women swoon in his presence
the way he walks
the depth in his voice

it's his compassion
to be truly himself
to love fully
of pure heart
for that is the man to rule all men

walk with my head low
black pavement on bright streets
a streaky city sky
musical notes from an alley
buzz of mechanical wings
today i walk alone
the night bleeding into my skin
i really am walking alone

Dreams* *-> a series of thoughts, images, and sensations occurring in a person's mind during sleep.

My dreams aren't dreams.

They are wishes.

I want them to come true,

I want to put them in action,

but
I'm
scared
sorry
disappointed

How many times does a heart
have to be broken
before it is irreparable?

You are everything
you pretend to be.

I can only hold so many
In the palms of my hand

How much more obvious
can I get?

One day

I'll see your face
touch your lips
hear you speak

and we'll sit there happy and in love
you'll tell me all the ***** things you believe in

kind of seems like a dream right now

One day

My mind often makes
Irregular circles
In the dark.

Do you ever wish life would go by faster?
Do you ever feel like life is going by too fast?
Do you try to remember the feeling of laughing care-free?
Do you cry at the thought of your loved ones dying?
Do you drown in the sorrow of other peoples problems?

Do you think you are human?

today it would have been three years with you
three years with one of the most beautiful souls I've ever met
our story got cut short

in another dimension
in another life
we're sitting on a beach warm sand under our feet
we're looking over the city at night lights twinkling like stars
we're biking along the harbour the sea water reflecting in the sun
we're kissing behind the bookshelves in the science fiction section
we're dancing to your favourite songs under the moonlight in the park

your smile bright our love light everything would feel so right but now matter how much I wish it might

you're not here.
happy three year anniversary to what it could have been baby.

dancing on the edge of Andromeda
planets of pink trees and blue grass
animals of strange proportions
infinite possibilities of people
strangeness of otherwordly physics
warp tunnels to endless planets
cruising among the space rocks

I wish I was out there
I don't really belong

but
I tell myself I'm already here
a floating blue ball in our little galaxy
into whatever is held in the stars beyond

roses bleed
adorned upon gold leaves
thorns prickle on sheets
fine pinks turn gray
fall into soil
grows again bright pink

a smack in the face
so quick
I didn't even have time to blink
****.

I am livid
I am mad
I am terrified
I am hateful
I am confused
I am lost
I don't understand

I am sad

it holds onto me
bending my reality
setbacks in sobriety
falling very quickly

you were my prince
a forever lasting fairytale
we were walking on the hill
towards the pink sunset

no one ever talks about what's after the hill.
no one mentions the dark forests
the windy summer
morphing into a frost bitten winter
biting chills
I lost you in the snow
within arms reach
but thick ice between us

I know we tried to melt it.
hug our warm bodies against it
breathing bitter air as water droplets fell
we were so close

but it was too cold.
my prince was forever on the other side
we look through the icicles
catching your sparkly brown eyes
wet with tears
and we smile

one last time.
before walking away to find warmer lands
maybe one day it will be summer here again
windy hot days
the breeze ruffling your dark caramel hair
our touch warm and smiles bright

or maybe there will be a better princess that you will find.

I love you.
I miss you.

I want to drink so bad
feel a burn in my throat
watch the whole world float away
the feeling of the overwhelming
tightening it's grip on my throat
disappear like smoke

I want to smoke so bad
laugh without reasons at all
forget my own existence
touch my hands as if they were not my own
untether myself from the hardwood floor
loosen the ropes of reality

I want to fall so bad
infatuated bubbly giggles at their name
sweaty palms when I look too long
flirty nothings kissed emoticons
teasing looks stolen across the room
sparks running through sober

as the days go by
and the nights grow cold
I will call you mine
and never let you go

severed pieces
bitter cocoa
brittle and misshapen
deformed from the heat
beyond recognition
50 percent off

shadowed faces
muted colors
harsh lamps on dark streets

comforting blackness
echoing steps
soft hum under distant engines

tired eyes
tripping brains
delirious laughter over stumbling sidewalks

spilled secrets
crisp air
intoxicating freedom in inky anonymity

surreal insomnia
liminal spaces
world viewed from a cozy box