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 Dec 2014 shosho Rea
Queen Sidus
I gave you all I had.

When you were sad, I gave you my happiness. When you were weak, I gave you my strength. When you had nobody, I was your friend. When you were unloved, I loved you. Not a single 'thanks' was even said through your mouth.

Now that you have everything I have given, I have nothing. I became nothing. So, you go to other people to enjoy life, be free, give them what you have, and suddenly, they ruin you. Then, you come to me asking for help. And I reply, "I gave you all I had."
boredom
I spend the morning thinking.
Shall I go to church tomorrow?
Or shall I be cast into a dark, cold park
pursing my shivering lips around cigarette
ends, tasting the taste of plant fumes which
slowly descend in clouds from my mouth,
dispersing and reversing
into the air of my mind. Fogging my thoughts
So that I laugh in the face of absurdity,
but am secretly struck in the heart and my wisdom
plucked away.
Someone ties a blindfold around my optimism.
This is the world, can you see better
now?
No. I'm scared.
What have my friends made of me,
made of themselves?
What are we doing with these tools of turning wheels
and glass pipes which illuminate in the hovering moonlight
cast from above,
casting shadows on our faces,
as we forget friendship and love drugs?
Only drugs.
No I can't come out tonight
because I want to sleep well.
I don't want the twitches and the paranoid itches.
I don't want the voices and suffocating choices
and that feeling of feeling too much and feeling too well.
All I want in a girl
is someone who I can show off with a deep sense of pride
who accepts the pain I buried deep inside

All I want is someone that respects my space
with pretty eyes and a wonderful face
Someone who's kind and supporting, but knows when I'm wrong
Someone worth dedicating an entire song

All I want is someone who's classy but nasty
and isn't afraid to be sassy
All I want is someone who's funny and meek
I don't want cardboard cutout, give me unique
All I want is someone who I can be myself around
I don't have to put on a mask or bury my head into the ground

All I want is someone... who's just as crazy as me.
but where oh where can she be?
This is pretty old lol
Quickly,
I wanted to tell you something
You were born in a place, you did not choose
Where you are, is because of an accident
So do not feel obligated to give them an inch
The boss unfit to lead a workplace
The politician out of touch with the common man
You do not owe these men a thing for your accident
Your job is to live
Not to give into their demands
For their profit
For their pleasure
For their God
For their sadistic greed
You are beautiful
Seek likened minds
-For they are your greatest assets in achieving your happiness
Do not be blind
-For the people, denied of the streets, are growing restless
You are beautiful
May the inner voice of this reading dry at least one tear
If you have not heard it in a while
I love you
I love you and you are special
I love you because you are proof that art is natural, and, 
It started when you were born-
You are,
Where ever you are,
Walking, Sitting, Breathing Art
 Dec 2014 shosho Rea
A
They take away the pain
And in turn my inspiration
blah
You look best in my lamp light. Your belly scar
rough underneath my fingertips as I jump the scratch
and attach myself to your hips, kiss your pelvic bone
until even my teeth can taste your sweetness. I can feel
black kettles and the burn from the ironing board crash of 1999.
When we’re wrestling in my duvet covers, the shadows
cast your memories up like a sanctuary projection. I see red race cars,
your brother jumping on the couch, fishing bait kept
in your back pocket. Your lips taste like liquor but I hear nursery rhymes
from when you were little, wobbly, an over-all dream
in the yard seen through the kitchen window. I know,
that you’ve dressed yourself in bad dreams
and broke yourself over footballs and houses of green paper,
but you look best in my lamp light when my hands
cram your face into my palms, your blush dripping
from you cheeks. Because I see the way
you burrow yourself into my chest when you think
I’ve gone to sleep, and I’ve seen the way your foot catches
on the edge of the woodwork right before you fall.
oh this is a rough one.
It is true that I have a lot to explain to you
So I shall start from the beginning
When I met you I knew we had something
The greed within was too much to keep in
So I told you
But now I wish I could take it all back
I never meant to hurt you
But all I did was hurt you
After I told you I felt better
I didn't have to hold the fire in anymore
And then I had a taste and it was amazing
There are no words to describe what I felt that first time
Much like all addictions I needed more
That's were it all went wrong
I couldn't not talk to you or see you
I became completely obsessed with you and the thought of us
I left my comfort and security and home for you
And I don't mean home as in a place to stay
I left the place I loved for you
I left her for you
I still can't believe I ever put her through that
As soon as I left I thought I had made the right choice
But I kept seeing how in pain she was and it hurt me
Its a whole different kind of pain you feel with your partner
Their pain becomes yours, and yours becomes theres
So intertwined you can't tell who's feeling what
That's when I knew
I never meant to cause such a mess
I'm not that girl
And I cant be that girl for you
"I have infinite tenderness for you"
But I don't think that I can see you for a while
That scares me sometimes though
What if one day I wake up and I don't remember you?
What if it happens to you?
But then this could just be a dream
I won't pretend like I know all the answers
All I wanted you to know was that This meant something to me
You meant something to me
"Im sorry it had to end like this"
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