Kissing with my eyes closed because I know you inside and out

wish I would’ve waited until I met you to have my first kiss

I've begun a war, i wanna abandon.
But the love in me, the one you can't see, is the only reason im here.

I wanna defeat gravity.
I wanna be high and woke.
I wanna blow all these thoughts and the **** called feelings up in smoke.

I want that liquor in my hands and my *** on the floor.
Till i find my way, i won't take steps no more.

Don't wanna go home, cause walls gives the body warmth not the soul.

Give me words to express how i feel.
I don't wanna be real.

I wanna dissappear into the crowds, and not come out.
In my own world.
Im gonna cover up, i won't let them know.
Cover up, i won't let it show.
Cover up.....my broken soul

it started in your bones
it ended in your heart
I miss your bright smile
I miss your cackling laugh
they told you it was time to say your last goodbyes
what do you do when your loved one dies?
you were a supernova in a world of stars
embracing everything that fell into your arms
the pears in the bathroom
the stuffed tigers on the shelf
its the story of my childhood
you taught me to love myself
an armchair and a gentle man
a woman full of joy
a godmother me
a  bakery near my home
the years grow in length, time passes
you're still gone
I haven't seen you in a while, I can't bring myself to see
the stone anchored in the ground where your head would be
do you still see us?
up in that heavenly place
do you still bless us, with your heavenly grace
I still message your phone
though I know you won't receive it
and
I can't bring myself to believe it
I've got the photos, the videos, and the proof
of a beautiful existence
but it's with a heavy heart that I say you're gone
it's not fair that you left so soon
so I close my eyes
and imagine you're in the room

How do I know?
Will I see a sign?
Will she tell me?
Will she make a move first?
I know she's scared.
Maybe even more than me
But I want her
To hold
To laugh with.
I want to look into her eyes
And see my love reflected.
Maybe not love at first
But it will he enough
To know she would give me a chance
To love her.
I want to kiss her
On her cheek
Lips
Forehead
Without being judged
Or without her think g we are being judgd.
I just want her faint blush when I do.
I want her.
But am I allowed?
What if I lose her by trying.
What if I lose her by not?

deep in my core, I am as sweet as honey. I have beautiful bouquets inside of me. touch me and i will bloom for you. slice open my midsection and the flowers will curl around my ribcage. crack open my skull to find incredible thoughts growing as they form. separate my legs and watch me open petals of the prettiest hues.

my petals, my nectar, my thorns. all yours.

selfish lovers have picked my petals off, crush me at the stem of my core. I begin to wilt; I slowly rot. they are repulsed. my beauty turns to death and they turn the other way. quick to blame, they fail to notice it was their hands to taint me.

flowers require delicate hands and the nourishing sunshine to survive. when kept in the dark, they wither. how could you expect me to be any different?

if I could rewire this brain of mine -- this body of mine -- I would much rather fill myself with thorns; poison, barbed wire to wrap my bones.
but I am soft, I am sunshine and nature divine. I bloom and wilt and recreate myself time after time. it takes more than ravenous hands to stop me from growing.