Today I am exhausted physically also mentally, and my toes are cold. What I wouldn't do to entangle my body with yours. You are safe. You are warm. You are starting to become like home.

I was not one to believe in fate,
Thought it was ******* to be honest.

But then, there he was,
Staring me right in the face.

Maybe it was the whiskey haze,
But when I met him...

When I met him,
I felt as though he was an old friend, someone I knew, someone I should know.

Then I kept seeing him,
By chance.

Over and over,
We just kept finding each other.

Still to this day,
Even if we go our separate ways we always end up finding each other.

Every time,
Especially when we need each other the most.

Because for once in our lives,
Something feels right, even if we don't know what it is.

My theory is fate brought us together.
And fate is hell bent on keeping us that way.

"I just want you to be happy." I type, my breath uneven, tears threatening to spill. I knew it was going to be her. It was always going to be her. I never even stood a chance. "So and so is typing..."

You need to fall out of love,
To realize,
That you never were really in it in the first place.

Love: An emotion that even the greatest can't quite figure out.

Love: Dangerous.
So easy to fall in it's trap,
So hard to climb your way out.

Love: Blinding, fanciful.
Sometimes you think it is real you feel like nothing can harm you,
But it can create the biggest scars.

Love: Confusing.
Endless circles of I love you, I love you not,
One day it is one or the other.

Love: Softening.
That steel wall you put up will be chipped away bit, by bit,
Soon you'll be guarded by a cloud instead.

Love: Nonsensical.
Sometimes you don't have an explanation for what you feel,
You just feel it.

Love: Undeniable.
When it is there it will do all it can to be known,
Even if you don't want it.

I know one thing that is certain about love,
It cannot simply be defined.

Once I read this beautiful quote,
By an old married couple.
The woman of a marriage of 65 years,
Was questioned,
"How have you guys stayed together for so long?"
She replied with a sense of pride, "We come from a time where if something was broken we would fix it." I thought that was absolutely beautiful.
I do not understand the concept of divorce,
I believe that once you are married,
That's it.
Till death do us part.
Times have changed since that old couple fell in love.
People today do not know how to handle things if they get hard,
So they just give up.
They have forgotten how to fix things.
It is tragic how divorce has become such a common thing,
When marriage used to be so sacred.
So when the time for marriage comes for me,
I want to be absolutely sure I could live the rest of my life that person.
I will vow that no matter how broken things get,
How hard,
I will put in the effort,
I will fix them.

I want to forget,
To restart.
Another high stakes game,
With my duct taped heart.

One of the most jarring things you will ever have to say is, "Yeah, I loved him once."

Last night I had a dream,
Nothing made sense,
Nothing was as at seemed.

I was supposed to get married,
To someone that hardly cared,
So I ran.

I ran directly into a stranger,
Someone I knew,
But hardly knew.

We looked into each other's eyes,
Suddenly,
So suddenly nothing mattered.

He kissed my lips,
As I drew infinity on his neck,
I woke up.

I woke up with that scene in mind,
His face still burning so clearly.
All I can think about is infinity.

All I can think about is finding him,
I wonder if he too had that dream,
If he too is trying to find me.

Run you clever boy,
And remember me,
Please.

Where  
             do
                   we
                          go
                                 from
                                          here?
            ­                        Do
                              we
     ­                 take
                 a
          step
back?
         Then
                  move
                            forward
                                          from
                                                  there?


Somet­imes you need go back to the beginning to move forward.

I listen to love songs,
On rainy days.
Those are the days,
I need them most.

It is frightening to start something new,
When you've been through hell and back.

Sometimes I just want to run until I don't exist anymore.

I used to say,
"Sorry, I'm not enough."
Now I say,
"Sorry, I'm too much."

"The way I catch him looking at you makes me smile.
It is how a man looks at someone he is falling for.  
Your time will come, give it awhile."

It doesn't go away.
The thought, the feeling, the question,
That keeps me reeling.
What if,
What could have been,
What would be different if I changed what I said?
I look to you with those questions in my head,
What if,
What if.

I was cold so you wrapped your body around mine. I was cold so you let me borrow your sweatshirt, each morning I would wear it and pretend it was you, wrapping your body around mine. My heart was cold and that way it remained, you withdrew your right to wrap your body around mine. I gave you your sweatshirt back.

I wonder if I will ever be warm again.

If I could change,
What I've done,
So, it would be you and me,
I would,
I can't,
But I would.

Regret is the worst kind of misery.

I always fall for the ones that won't fall for me.
Hoping that one day,
Maybe they'll come around.
They never do,
And I never learn my lesson.

She feels as though she started out in a single straight-forward path,
That could not have been daunted by even the biggest bump in the road.

Somewhere along the way she must have taken a wrong turn.
She feels as though she has been walking for miles and her path just keeps getting harder to navigate.

She is lost.

Maybe she was too wistful, a hopeless romantic in the sense of Romanticism not necessarily love.
She wanted her life to take a turn and finally take off.

In a sense she wanted to fly away from everything and forget the past completely.
That in itself was a mistake.

No matter what one does to escape the past,
Certain factors of it stick.

Scars don’t only appear on skin.

I never thought you would be in my life again after everything that happened when we were young and stupid but here we are and I am so grateful.
Thank you, for picking me back up when I was so hell bent on being unhappy.
Thank you, for understanding.
Thank you, for telling me I have pretty eyes and making me feel beautiful.
Thank you, for being open with me.
Thank you, for texting me at 12am after not talking all day.
Thank you, for making me believe that I am worth someone's time.
Thank you, for making me believe I am enough.

I let myself mull over one regret a day,
So they all don't come crashing down on me.
I teach myself not to repeat my past mistakes,
So maybe one day I won't have any regrets to mull over.

There he is,
There he goes.
The shortest moment
Can be the longest,
You know?

Just a moment with you created memories that will last a lifetime.

Don't look back, do not turn around, keep going. Walk. Forward. You can do this. You don't need him. You don't need that anymore. Think about the heartache. The panic. Save yourself. You deserve to be happy. You deserve so much more. You are not doing anything wrong by trying to be happy without him.  Just keep telling yourself these things so each day gets a little easier. One day you won't be sad when you think of him. One day you won't think of him at all.

I was willing,
To forget.
No, to accept,
Your absence.

But then I saw,
In passing,
Someone that looked,
Just like you.

My heart clenched,
My stomach dropped,
My breath became short,
It was as if my body was saying what I wasn't willing to.

"There you are.
I missed you."

There was a long period of time where I was not fond of my name.
My name was just an identity that was ****** upon me at birth.
I had no connection to it.
My name was just a phrase people would use to get my attention.
But when my name escaped your lips  I couldn't help but fall in love with it.

I have gotten so used to letting myself down,
And getting let down,
That it doesn't surprise me,
When he greeted me with open arms,
I awkwardly stood there not knowing how to react.
So wrongfully shy,
For the right guy.


I hope he has patience.

Please, don't look at me,
With such hope in your eyes.
I'm so concerned,
It's some kind of lie,
Made up in my mind.
That you are not as nostalgic,
As I find.

I know I can't have you but,
There's a temptation,
Within your stare.
I'm giving in,
I musn't,
I can't.
I'll just pretend the fascination isn't there.

I hope you remember me for my worst days.

Those days where I tried not to show it,
You said worries were written across my face.
You asked for my thoughts even when I didn't know what to say,
You listened.
You would call me beautiful,
Even when I didn't feel that way.
I hope you remember those days.

Those were the days I knew I meant more to you than you let on.

There are days where she sleeps with her eyes open,
Those are the longest of them all.
Lost memories whisper softly to her,
Every detail recalled.
They seem so far away and out of reach that they must have been dreams,
Because nothing is as it was.
And nothing is as it seems.

I loved you once,
And the promises you made to me.
A fire in my soul burned bright by your side,
But soon it fizzled.
Promises broken.
The love fading.
You became a sweet memory to me,
A could have been,
But will never ever be.

What was that?
That...
Thing.
I felt it,
Only for a moment.
A flash of something.
So exotic,
So fleeting.
Maybe it was just my imagination.

What's that?
You felt it too?
Strange.

You have just made it a whole hell of a lot easier not to hate everything about myself.

When you're away,
It's comforting to know that we exist under the same sky, on the same planet, in the same universe.

I took your hand and led you into the dance floor,
(Both slightly intoxicated I'll admit)
Somebody had fallen,
I tripped on them.
Due to gravity,
With your hand in mine,
I fell,
Taking you with me.

Giddy, we laid there for a moment,
Watching clusters of bodies moving around us.
After the process of detangling and getting back up,
We began to dance.

There was a spark,
With each step we surprised each other.
Bodies moving in sync.
Never quite meeting.
Locked eyes,
Heavy breathing,
Suddenly,
I saw you in a different light.

The song ended like all good ones do,
And we stood there.
Unable to describe what had just happened.

"Usually I'm an awful dancer."
"Same here."
"But together we're great."

At least I wasn't the only one that fell that night.

Back to square one,
Maybe that's where I'm supposed to be.
Squares two, three, four, and five,
Just weren't right for me.

Saying, "I love you," isn't big enough for what I really feel.

I will always blame myself first before I blame anyone else.

It's funny,
The things you remember,
When you're lonely.

So here it is,
It finally has come to an end.
I'm sorry we ended up,
Merely a story.
One day, far from now,
I will tell my kids of you,
And all the crazy things we did,
Chapter by chapter,
Bit, by, bit.
The story of,
My first love.

My memories are fading,
The damage has already been dealt
I  listen to love songs,
To be reminded of the way I once felt.

Detachment is felt through every word he sends,
A forced response always on the other end.
Soon the words stop coming,
Losing interest completely in even being friends.
Left to wonder why the responses seemed so plain,
She holds herself to blame.
Was it something she did,
That made her lose this word game?

Some days I hate myself.
Some days, I think I don't deserve to be happy.
Some days, I feel like people don't care and shouldn't.
Some days, I lay in bed and think of everything that is wrong and make it worse.
Some days, I get angry at people for not realizing.
Some days, my feelings get hurt more than I am willing to admit.

Not all days, though. Only some.

I tell myself that one day,
I will write a book.

In hopes of inspiring someone,
Maybe they will change the world.

Saving someone so desperate,
Telling them they're not alone.

Sparking imagination,
Creating magic.

Bringing people together,
Forgetting senseless squabbles.

I want to change someone's world for the better.

In thought I raised my eyes,
Meeting his oceans from across the room,
His hesitant smile gave me hope.
I could feel my lips slowly turning upwards,
In response.

"It is always your name on my screen instead of hers!"

I want to shout,
That it has always been me.
After all these years,
It has always been us.
Being near you makes me happiest,
I've been.
And I wouldn't mind,
If you wanted me instead of her.

Instead I reply, "Sorry."

One day you will find someone you just get on with.
You will bicker, you will laugh, and most importantly you will love.
Nothing will be easy,
Yet everything will be so perfect.

It was the first time I saw you in years, so much had happened in the time we took away from each other. You and I became different people almost entirely. Yet, even with that, you still took me in your arms and kissed my forehead just like you used too. I inhaled your peaceful air and breathed easy for the first time in a very long time.

I felt safe.

I need a person,
To call my own.
I'm like a stray cat,
Searching for a home.