And if i could write one letter
to be, if that, my last,
the beginning would be simple, yet,
To You,
complex.

If my memories could play,
for us,
for the whole of the world
to watch,
you'd maybe see,
like crystal; clear,
so fragile and so rare.
So beautiful
as to hold within the palm of my hand,
your hand
in mine
i hold the pen that write's the words
i've been meaning to say,
so i speak through these machinations.
And here is the disclaimer:
i may confuse my memories with my dreams.

Today it rained,
and i saw us from a distance
in my dreams.

Love, Me

I tell you I think we're crumbling
but we both avert our eyes;
its not polite to stare at tragedy.
I kiss you
and I keep a countdown.

I know you're here
but you're already leaving.

Sometimes you have no reason to stay,
and realize that's a perfect argument to go.
And that taking an entirely new way,
is the sore but single method to grow.

If you're washed-on abeyance's bight,
and you feel decision's heavy heft:
To choose the left where nothing's right,
or go to the right where nothing's left.

Remember it matters not where you proceed,
or which mountain you want to ascend.
It does not matter whether you succeed,
it is the journey that matters in the end.

I wish I could
Plug into your mind
And listen to you all day.

Run wild with your thoughts
And hear the things
You never say.

don’t you ever think that you were easy.
you were a piece of work, a task that needed constant action, an assignment that needed to be taken with caution, but i still did it.
i still loved you.
i loved you so unconditionally.
i loved you at your worst and your best and i loved your flaws and your mistakes and i loved your smiles and your voice and i loved you when you didn’t love yourself.
i handled you as if you were fine china, fresh and clean, even though you were far from such purity.
i dare anyone else to love you in such a way.
i dare anyone else to love all sides of you equally.
i dare anyone else to love you enough to sacrifice anything and everything for you the way i did.
i dare anyone else to love you well enough to know how to handle you.
i dare anyone else to put up with you even after you’ve made them feel as **** as you made me feel.  
i dare anyone else to love you enough to let you break their heart endlessly for the sake of being with you.
whoever she is, she won’t be half of me. she may have a brighter smile with eyes lighter than mine, she may have skin smoother and more beautiful than mine, she may have a laugh more admirable than mine, she may have a body more fit than mine, but she will never have a heart as big as mine for you.

Call a                          doctor/ plumber/ priest
My heart is               broken/ leaking/ deceased
My life is                   worthless/ so much better/ over
I'm going to              **** myself/ tell your wife/ Dover
How could you         leave me/ not know/ lie?
I hope you                return my stuff/ come back/ die
I'll never                   forget you/ forgive you/ go away
I need                        closure/ a DNA test/ to tell you I'm gay
Your                           face/ crotch/ top of your back
Is                                so beautiful/ lumpy/ unusually slack
Your                           ex/ mother/ best friend from school
Always made me      great coffee/ feel inadequate/ drool
I will                           miss you/ **** you/ stalk you forever
That way we can      be friends/ get away with it/ be together
I'm sorry                   you did this/ I did this /we failed
I promise to               pay you/ dye it back/ get you bailed
Please don't               leave me/ show the Polaroids/ write or call

(*delete as appropriate, just delete it all.....)

i am in a haze today. it is cloudy and beautiful outside. it is also pressing down on my chest and i struggle for air. i wore your shirt to bed last night and it helped steady my oxygen supply. i wish you were here to say my name and speak to me in my native tongue to remind who i am and where i've come from. i'm forgetting everything, slowly. recreating yourself is only good when you haven't done it five thousand times over. i just want to be me now. but how do i become me if there is no you? pick me up from the library and walk me to class. hold my hand and tell me that you will stay with me no matter how grey the sky is or how cold my fingers feel.