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 Oct 2018 Shanath
E Lynch
It arrives
 Oct 2018 Shanath
E Lynch
It arrives,
Unnoticed, unannounced.

Quiet,
At first.

Slow,
Seeping, dripping.

I put it down to a few stressful weeks.
I carry on.

It unpacks,
Worries, anxieties.

Gently,
For now,

Tiptoes,
Whispers, creaks.

‘It will leave soon’ I think ‘It always does.’
I keep going.

It settles in,
Getting comfortable.

Getting louder,
And louder.

Banging thoughts,
Insomnia.

‘Please don’t be happening again’.
I shuffle along my daily routine.

Claws in,
Insidious.

Screaming,
24/7.

Shame, worthlessness,
Hurt.

‘Please go away’.
I’m barely coping.

Growing roots,
Into my brain and heart.

Blossoming pain,
With every beat.

Emptiness, loneliness,
Abandonment.

Silence, Stillness,
‘I can’t move, I can’t cope.’
 Oct 2018 Shanath
Hank Helman
Poems
 Oct 2018 Shanath
Hank Helman
Karla told me to give up art.
You really aren't very good at it, she said,
And suggested I take up drinking full time, instead.

At least with a beer in your hand,
You project a sense of purpose, she said
Even if it's only to empty the glass.

But your poems ramble on forever,
Your short stories always stop in the middle,
Maybe you should combine the two, she suggested
And blew her cigar smoke down the front of my sweater.

We will call them stoems she said and laughed,
And challenged me to a push up contest,
Right there on the dance floor.

I declined, she knew I would,
Then let's dance with our backs to each other, she said,
And defend this art of yours, silly puzzles no one can comprehend.
Karla is a strong woman. A bit of a ***** but she talks to me straight. Which is interesting because I think in hair pin turns and mud puddles. I love her dearly. And she owes me money. Which I know I will never see. I don't care.
It's all just a waste.
In the end, It will all fit together.
Cuts on my wrists
hands curled into fists
will i even be missed

Writing a note
i wrote
i love you and it wasn't your fault

That's a lie
i want to die and
its partly your fault

I can't tell you that so i
Sit and i cry

Why do i
Live like this

Will i even be missed
I am not in a good place anymore
I don't want to be here!
 Oct 2018 Shanath
Banele Msimango
I electrocuted my body repeatedly,yet there's no feeling at all. I can see the pain, I see the skin changes its form and pigment but no feels. I remember when I told someone close I was diagnosed with depression, i could hear the laughs in his voice.

A few days later I was next in line, awaiting my dose. And now it has happened, it just took one more dilemma and my wheels finally have came off, I am crumbling from the heat of it all but still manage to hide it so well. I just hope that when I finally fall asleep, you will miss my frail existence.
 Oct 2018 Shanath
s
cant u see
 Oct 2018 Shanath
s
i am not happy,
the past will
never change;
the memories
still haunt me
& i don't
feel the same.
its just me n myself
once again
cuz i lost my lover
lost my best friend
he was never truly there
a figment of my imagination
all i wanted was his care
but love always leads to manipulation
so teach me how to move on,
teach me how to move anything
i am already too far gone,
but still craving your everything
 Oct 2018 Shanath
Mari
Worthless
 Oct 2018 Shanath
Mari
My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know

People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy

Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me

Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart

I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces 
of a love that never was
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