seshi: Favorites

Jun 2018 seshi

if you're looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight, this is it

Jun 2018 seshi

raw with love

if you're looking for a sign not to **** yourself tonight, this is it

you're not your hair:
you can cut it dye it curl it straighten it shave it bend it twist it;

you're not your face:
you can hide it under layers of make-up you can put on lenses you can change your face in a matter of minutes;

you're not your skin:
you can cut it draw on it bite it tear it;

you're not your body:
you can lose weight gain weight;

you're not your clothes:
strip them off;

never reduce
yourself
to
a colour
a number
an adjective
a noun

never reduce
yourself
to a simple
word

you are
the thoughts you have at 3 a.m.
the lame jokes you tell your friends
the art you create
the books you read
the pages you have dog-eared
the quotes you have highlighted
the coffee you never finished drinking
the movie you watch after midnight, wrapped in a blanket
the chocolate cake you ate that night with that girl
the slice of pizza you could've eaten but you gave to your best friend
the kiss that still burns on your lips
the cigarettes that sting in your lungs long after you smoked them
the dreams you dream
the worlds you build in your mind
the song that's stuck in your head
the moments you're in the shower
the iloveyous
the ikindaguessilikeyous
the icareforyous
the seeyoulaters
the words you say
the smiles you smile
the laughs you laugh
the loves you love
the hates you hate

you are
an entire universe:
you're stars
and planets
and galaxies
and asteroids
and comets

you are a cosmos
trapped in
a shell.

you are
a gazillion worlds
locked in
a human cage.

never think
of yourself
as of
anything
less.

#love #suicide #depression #loveyourself #motivational

Jun 2018 seshi

How to Fall in Love Without Falling in Love

Jun 2018 seshi

Lydia

How to Fall in Love Without Falling in Love

1.
Let's install some fail-safes
You have to convince yourself that this is really what you want
If you aren't gay, pretend you are
If you are gay, pretend you're not
I guarantee you will not fall in love

2.
Pick the sweetest person
Someone your parents will approve of
Someone who is so perfect for you that you just don't understand why you're sitting alone right now
If you're not voted cutest couple for the yearbook, you can't possibly be in love, right?
Too many people are watching

3.
Try to love them
Try to give yourself a textbook relationship
Go on dinner dates
And watch scary movies so you can cuddle up together
Argue about why you should definitely pay "because it's romantic"
Blow out the candle when she's not looking

4.
Stop taking off work on Friday nights
It was never going to work, anyway, so why bother getting attached?
When you realize that they love you,
And you are still sitting there alone, that's when your heart breaks
When you realize you can walk away and be unchanged
Because how could you possibly walk away from two entire years with another human being and not feel something
Your heart's going to break anyway, just because it didn't.

Please comment :)

#sad #breakup #couple

Jun 2018 seshi

Sadness

Jun 2018 seshi

Lizzie

Sadness

Sadness is crimson red, leaking from the skin;
He smells like gasoline; and tastes like cool liquor sliding down your throat.
His mother is like black oil, coming and leaving with deadly amounts.
While his father, is like a warm summer breeze not rough, but comforting.
Sadness carries welting lilies in his pocket,
Maroon Convers tied securely on his feet.
His best friend is like the mountains,
Cold… sturdy… Distant…
His black- blue hair hangs in his face like vines from the amazon, his green eyes staring intently at by passers.
Curious… Firm… Dominant…
He eats fear for breakfast;
And pain for dessert.
His dream is to be free of society, and its flaws.
Sadness loves distressed lonely people,
He moves like a lion stalking its pre,
Silent… Low… Ready to pounce…

#sad #pain #hurt #help

Jun 2018 seshi

Untitled

Jun 2018 seshi

Lizzie

Untitled

Don't test me, 'cause when the time comes I'll make something out of nothing...

Jun 2018 seshi

where do i go from here

Jun 2018 seshi

Madisen Kuhn

where do i go from here

there are ladybugs crawling all over my mother’s house
or maybe it’s my stepfather’s house
or my brother and sister’s house
it’s someone’s house, it’s not mine
there are ladybugs scaling the window panes
and upside down, polka-dotted carcasses
lining the kitchen floor
the faucet is dripping
it has been for years
you dream of growing up in a house with a
fireplace in the living room
you forget that you might live there with people who
won’t fix it
they grow cold instead
they throw cardboard boxes over the side of the front porch
and pungent trash bags into a rusting and dented trunk
the basement is unfinished, filled with dead mice
and god knows what else
the washer trembles when it’s off balance
it won’t stop till you rearrange the soaking threads
there’s a yard full of untrodden grass

it looks so large and whole from the outside

but there are holes in the walls
the size of doorknobs and fists

i would really like to go home

it felt very therapeutic to write this, however, i'm not sure i could ever publish it in a book in fear of sharing a story that isn't just mine.

#family #broken #home #fear #disguise #mirage

Apr 2018 seshi

Stars

Apr 2018 seshi

R

Stars

The stars in the sky
At midnight seem to be
forever
(Unlike
Us)

Apr 2018 seshi

Dysphoria

Apr 2018 seshi

R

Dysphoria

"You'll be fine,
It'll be okay,
It will get better,
birthname"

They say

If only they knew that sometimes a name is a shackle, holding us to what we've never been and keeping us there until we can admit to ourselves that we've never been fine, nothing's okay and it first gets worse

"Why are you so mad,
Nothing seems to be wrong,
Why aren't you happy,
girl"

They say

If only they knew that sometimes feelings are subtle masks, painted onto our faces with the blood we drew yesterday to hide what we need to say to escape the viscous cycle of hate and tears and figurative death, and emotions are betrayals of what we need to be

"Everything would be fine,
They'd all be cool with it,
Why can't you just come out"

They say
(skipping
my name as the smallest act of a
hand in the darkness)

If only they knew that coming out is something that never goes fine, a delicate balance of worse and worst that makes our hearts beat so fast that cool is no longer a phrase but a temperature we need to reach in order to play our everlasting game of pretend

and

a name is a shackle, holding us to what we've never been and keeping us there until we can admit to ourselves that we've never been fine, nothing's okay and it first gets worse and even when it's not said we can hear it in the air, lingering on their lips like the slurs that we always expect to hear but haven't yet because to slur they need a target, an out, and coming out is something that never goes fine, a delicate balance of worse and worst that makes our hearts beat so fast that cool is no longer a phrase but a temperature we need to reach while the world spins faster and hotter and turning on the fan at night just keeps us up, dreading the dawn where we must once again play our game of pretend like everyone's born how they'll be for the rest of their lives and no one is different from the norm while still being okay

and

we go to Society everyday with a smile on our faces to say

"You'll be fine,
It'll be okay,
It will get better,
birthname;
Why are you so mad,
Nothing seems to be wrong,
Why aren't you happy,
birthsex"

because emotions are like coming out delicate scales of worst and worser and when we can't feel them we get enough cool relief to realize That This
Dysphoria
Is
Crushing
And
We
Can't
Get
Okay

Save me

#dysphoria #help #trans #alone #scared

Mar 2018 seshi

Beauty is in The Eye

Mar 2018 seshi

haley

Beauty is in The Eye

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
They told her
As she dug her fingernails deep into her skin
Like her flesh was made out of playdoh
In the uncautious hands of a toddler.
Her life balances dangerously on her tongue,
steadied only by a love she will not swallow
For she has been told
“Too much sugar will rot your teeth.”

ngl this ****** i'm sorry but it's 11:00 and i want to go to bed

#eating #disorders #neda #feminism #anorexia #osfed #body #dysmorphia #depression