"You're so thin, what's your secret?"
It isn't cutting out carbs,
My secret isn't a diet in a magazine,
My secret is hidden under baggy sweaters,
My secret is the scale hidden under clothes in my closet,
My secret is exercising until I pass out,
My secret comes from feeling fat every second even when I'm being begged to gain weight by doctors,
My secret is placing my entire self worth on a number and the belief that others judge me by the same numbers,
My secret is a voice that is always yelling at me, telling me I take up too much space and need to be sick to be acceptable,
My secret is looking in the mirror at all the weight I think I've gained since the last time I looked, an hour before,
My secret is the desire to slice my fat right off,
My secret is the hidden food in my dresser that I told my mom I was taking for lunch,
My secret is hidden at the bottom of toilet bowls,
It's an empty laxative package,
It's fainting every time I stand up too fast,
It's numbers. It's all numbers. Calories. Pounds. Kilograms. Clothing sizes. Calories. Inches. BMI. Calories. It's counting, recounting, then deciding I don't desire it anyway.
It's striving for the lowest number, to have the lowest number, to be the lowest number,
My secret is comparing myself to everyone I see and always thinking I'm worse,
My secret is turned down coffee dates, parties, and sleepovers because there will be food there,
My secret is the word "fat" carved into my inner thigh with a blade from a pencil sharpener,
My secret hides behind every "no thanks I'm allergic" "I'm vegan" "I can't have gluten" and "I already ate",
It's being told curves are beautiful and nobody wants to date a skeleton but still not being able to believe it,
My secret is paranoia that everyone is trying to make me fat,
My secret is having nightmares of eating an almond then waking up with a racing heart and panicking,
You want to know my secret?
My secret is in the tenth grade my bmi was lower than my age,
My secret was tears shed in hospital beds,
My secret is being begged by everyone I love to just have a bite,
My secret is being afraid of eating fruits or drinking water because I think it'll make me fat,
My secret is getting on scales then off of them then on them then back off and still not trusting it,
My secret is a constant demand to be thinner with no point that will ever be enough,
My secret is that the only curves I want are the curves my ribs would make poking through my skin,
My secret is squeezing my fat until my nails pierce my skin,
My secret is feeling like I'm being suffocated by my own body,
My secret is dizzy days and cold skin,
My secret is that even through years of therapy I can't get the same amount of satisfaction from any person or accomplishment as I can from losing weight,
My secret comes from every hit from my mom, from every nasty word spoken by the girls who thought I wasn't good enough, from every guy's touch I didn't ask for,
I didn't get thin due to having willpower,
I got thin from becoming powerless
to a mirror that will never tell me I'm good enough until I'm dead.

Is there a way to eliminate all Fear?
Can we be Happy and live with Cheer?
Can we stop Worrying and living with Stress?
Can we eliminate Anxiety that makes our life, a Mess?
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

Is your life filled with Depression?
Do you want to make your life a Celebration?
The culprit, the enemy, is your own Mind
It’s robbing your Peace and Bliss, you will Find!
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

All our miseries are rooted in Thought
When in toxic Thought, We are Caught
Then, we are filled with Rotten Thoughts that are Junk
We lose our Peace, can’t live like a Monk
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

We all suffer this Triple Suffering on Earth!
These miseries are for all those who take Birth
But there is a way out of this Mess
We can eliminate Fear, Anxiety and Stress
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!


To find Peace, Let’s get to the bottom of the Root
To be Blissful, we must Realize the Truth
The Mind is a crook, it acts like the King
But in fact, it causes all Suffering
Let’s discover the secret of Peace and Happiness!

Not one or two, it’s fifty thoughts, a Minute
The Mind bombards us and we are Lost in it
Then it becomes our boss, rides our Life Horse
We are controlled by it, this is a big Loss
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!


The first secret is simple, move from NEP to PEP!
From Negative to Positive, Take this First Step
Then, we must move from Mind to Consciousness
And live a Life of Peace and Happiness
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!


How do you do it? Try to find the Mind
Where is the Mind, You cannot Find!
Still, this Rascal makes us Blind
Let us discover the Truth, leave the Mind
Behind Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

What is the way to **** the Mind?
It is simple, we must still the Mind
The Mind with the Ego, becomes the ME
Then from Misery, we are not Free
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!


The ME creates Anger, Revenge and Hate
There is Jealousy and Anguish at our Life’s Gate
Together, the Mind and Ego, ME, make us Cry
We then look at the sky and ask, ‘Why?’
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

Those who Realize that Life is just a Drama
That everything is Karma, for them, there is no Trauma
They realize that Suffering is nothing but a Choice
They choose to be Happy, they choose to be Wise
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

The fact is, we are not the Body, Ego or Mind
We are the Soul, this Truth we must Find
The Soul never suffers, it radiates Peace
In Consciousness, there is no Sorrow, Miseries Cease
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

Those who think that Success is Happiness
They run behind Pleasure, live with Anxiety and Stress
They don’t realize that the Foundation is Peace
Where there is no Peace, our Sorrow will Increase
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

The Secret teaches us to go beyond Entertainment
It gives us Ultimate Bliss with Enlightenment
When we Realize, we are the Divine Soul
In Eternal Bliss, we achieve our Goal
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!


The journey starts with Illumination
Then there is Purification and Realization
From Misery, there is Liberation
In Bliss, there is Divine Unification
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

There is a way to be Happy, all day
We can eliminate Misery, take Sorrow away
Though the skies are Cloudy and Grey
We can be Happy, whatever comes our way
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

So, let’s start and remove all the Junk
Tame the Monkey Mind, make it a Monk!
Let’s make the resolve to Suffer No More
Push the Mind out and Lock the Door
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

What is the way to Eternal Bliss?
It is living in Truth Consciousness
When we overcome the myth and Realize the Truth
Then Peace and Bliss will fill our Root
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

There is no need to live with Fear and Stress
Remove Anxiety and Worry that is causing the Mess
Live in Consciousness, live in Peace
When there is no Mind, Miseries Cease
Let’s discover the secret to Peace and Happiness!

Secret thoughts,
Secret thoughts,
I have about,
Those who I adore,

Secret thoughts,
Secret thoughts,
I have wishing,
They loved me more,

Secret poems I've writ
Secret words scribbled on page slips
Wishing they would love me different than they do
And wanting to tell them the secret words
But then they wouldn't be my secret thoughts
Secret thoughts,

I guess I want everyone to puddle
In a pool of loving goo
Around me
To lay on me with the couch
Wanting nothing more
And nothing less than
The couch of rest
Together

Is this just a place where I go to feel lonely
To write my secret thoughts
Isn't it so much better
To love how they love me
To appreciate how they are able to show their love for me

So what if he doesn't love me how I wish he would
Doesn't want me how I wish he would

I feel sexually attracted to anyone I find attractive
So
I don't understand how
Him not loving me
Not wanting me sexually
Means anything other than that I am unattractive to him
I think this is something I will learn
On my own
And I don't think it's something I will ask

I am sinking deeper into the couch
Knowing I need to go put chicken in the oven
And chop up the zucchini
I thought of texting my ex this morning
To see if he would want to go get a coffee
Check in

I can picture him saying, "stop being weird! Just text me"
But it was early and he was probably sleeping
And if I'd texted him maybe he would have followed up
Later in the day
And tried to rain check
But no
I don't want a standing rain check on coffee
With someone I only want to see on random mornings
When Gotye is stuck in my head

I am dancing much more lately

I am glad the other guy left town
It was too much
He was here for too long

I am being more open
To life
To friends
To opportunity
And also to
Energies around me
They are getting in me and on me
And being big and large
And feeling larger than me
And it's hard to feel so stuck up with other people
To feel so affected
To wake up with thoughts
secret thoughts
of someone else's life

Secret thoughts, secret thoughts
The secret thoughts I have about myself
I don't want them to be secret at all.

When people see me, they never see an ordinary man
A giant of man none the less
Those who have seen my heart sometimes ask this question more
And every time the whispers I give are oddly similar
I sometimes wonder if I had been on this Earth before
It would explain everything I understand
When people see what I have become
Out of the mess I was made
They always ask, "What's your Secret?"

I just tell them

My secret is that I never wonder
My secret lies in which I love
Everything I have seen in the past made me this way
In hoping to become something better
My secret is in the hearts I healed
Knowing that they still are able to beat
Truthfully I have no idea how deep this secret goes
I just know its the key to understanding all the rest

An old crush saw me at the park
With a baby girl by my side
She came up and said hello
She asked if the baby was mine
The baby was my sister, and we were out for a walk
She knew that there were a lot of young in my family
But just had to double check
Something about the way I acted, made me look like more of a father
She said she somehow knew that I would be a great dad
And asked,
"What's your Secret"

My secret is that I never wonder
My secret lies in which I love
Everything I have seen in the past made me this way
In hoping to become something better
My secret is in the hearts I healed
Knowing that they still are able to beat
Truthfully I have no idea how deep this secret goes
I just know its the key to understanding all the rest

Disbelief lies in those who have taken their first look
Ignorance in those of little minds
The smallest minds try to anger the beast inside
I can see the visions of the evil that has tried to boil
It tries to emerge to the surface
The claws grow from my fingertips,
Ready to peel their skin from their bones
But before the monster busts through its cage
A hand of grace caress its cheek
Sometimes its holder is living
Sometimes its holder is dead
Sometimes its holder has yet to experience either
No matter its holder, the effect is the same
The beast is slowly eased into a peaceful mind
Turning itself back to humanity
Those who have seen the beast know that its a power not to tamper
Become surprised of how quick I manage to recover
They ask,
"What's your Secret"

My secret is that I never wonder
My secret lies in which I love
Everything I have seen in the past made me this way
In hoping to become something better
My secret is in the hearts I healed
Knowing that they still are able to beat
Truthfully I have no idea how deep this secret goes
I just know its the key to understanding all the rest

Tell your secret to the nourished grass,
And your secret will be swept away by the wind.
Tell your secret to your bedframe of rusting brass,
And let the polish cover up the secret, hidden.
Tell your secret to the broad cobblestone wall
And let the ivy cover it up until it’s tucked away within the cracks.
Tell your secret to the grains of sand
And let the ocean sweep away the remains.
Tell your secret to the flame of candlelight,
And the flame will die down before telling.
Tell your secret to a crystalline raindrop,
And it will become one with the earth before whispering.
Tell your secret to the moonlit night,
And dawn will come before dusk can begin singing.
Tell your secret to an autumn flower,
And let it be crippled by the winter’s frost.
Tell your secret to the running  waterfall,
And let it spill down into the river with your secret, lost.
Tell your secret to the tobacco in the pipe,
And let the smoke be lost within the brilliant clouds.
Tell your secret to the buzzing bumblebees,
And they will never say it aloud.
Tell your secret to the purest snow,
And by spring,  your secret will melt away into the well.
Tell your secret and let the  fireflies know,
And your secret can’t be retold; there is no one else to tell.

Here's the thing about being a secret,
The secret starts off being so ****,
Sneaking around,
Telling little white lies,
It's all so thrilling,
Secrets make life interesting,
Plus it makes hooking up that much hotter.

Inevitably that all changes eventually,
Eventually keeping the secret becomes a burden,
I want to confide in people about what we are,
I don't want to put in the effort to keep us a secret anymore,
And more than anything…
I want the world to know how happy I am with you.

When I tell you I want more, you apologize and say you don't want the obligation,
And I understand,
But at the same time… it feels like *******,
Because I realize I'm not just the kind of secret you keep for fun or to make life interesting,
No.
I'm the type of secret you keep because if it gets out…
You'll look bad.
A ***** Little Secret

Do you know how it feels to be your ***** Little Secret?
It hurts.
It feels like you're ashamed of me.
So why go on like this?
Why lie to everyone?
Why not have me and be honest?
Let the secret out, deal with the fall out.
Because being the one revealing the secret is far better than doing damage control when the secret gets out.

But of course, I say nothing.
I play along.
Try to keep it quiet.
Play by your rules,
In fear of loosing you if I don't,
And I continue to be your ***** Little Secret.
But remember this:
I may be your ***** Little Secret,
But you are my everything.

The race isn't for the fastest,
But for those who can endure it until the end.
Boy like a cheater and a world record beater,
On the running track with his sponsored spiked sneakers.
Ready for the race and the crowd's screaming BOLT!!
An athlete's little secret later on was unfold.

Deceiver in the eyes and loyal in disguise.
A proper pro player, with heavy bonds and ties.
Not in it for it but in it for the fame,
Forgetting about the hard-work, sweat, loss and pain.
An athlete's little secret, later on explained.

People, can you trust in the one you trusted before?
Or even the one who stand among you today?
Their lies and deceits are like roaring storms,
And they are like animals that are very hard to tame.
But they took it upon themselves playing a dangerous game.
An athlete's little secret, later on in shame.

They took drugs like all around the clock.
The more drugs they took, the more enhanced they got.
But then they got exposed and hid in shame.
I guess that drugs didn't help their strive to fame.
Left in the dark and loss all but everything,
Can people still trust? Can a second chance be given?
An athlete's little secret, later on forgotten.

An athlete's little secret, later all on the news,
An athlete's little secret, so much they had to loose.
A athlete's little secret, once a try and a glance,
An athlete's little secret, there is no second chance.
An athlete's little secret, there's no more to say,
An athlete's little secret, the bed you made to lay.

The world once had great and untouchable athletes.
Who had admiring levels of personas.
Who truly understood what hard-work brings,
And who went through pain and unbearable things.
But there are some who stoop really low,
Just so they can bring a medal home.
Bronze or silver, none or gold,
An athlete's little secret later on was told.

Based on this topic and what I have learnt.
The lost of young athletes made me felt hurt.
But it's not fake it's all reality.
This fight isn't against powers nor principalities.
But a fight to teach honesty and give all of your heart.
An athlete's little secret, a fight to make it last.

Contents of that Secret F.B.I. Memo

Next week the world is going to end again
When the north pole and the south pole switch places
According to secret radio transmissions
Secretly beamed from the secret headquarters
Of the secret Club of Rome far beneath
The Vatican and secretly aligned
With the secret sword of the secret Knights
Templar with the secret star WD-40
By our secret Masters on the secret
Planet Xenophobe in secret accordance
With the ancient prophecy of Cranium
The Elder discovered in a Prince Albert can
By the Portuguese philosopher and
Explorer Almoso Nutellaeus
Who thus received the dark secrets of the
Atlantean sorcerers in a secret
Language which only he was able to translate
When the Moon God Myrtle of the Aqua Kirtle
Blessed his Radio Shack TRS-80
With a rare pixie dust which can only be
Found in a certain secret plain in the
Sahara Desert at the Winter Solstice
Marked by a Bionic Blood Altar cursed
By the Knights of Toledo in a strange
Ceremony which can only be witnessed
By the Initiates of the Order of
The Cumulonimble Secret Ferrets
Of the Discalced Colossus of Roads
Whose emblematic pilum can be discerned
By pouring lemon juice over the pictures
Of the Caesars in a sacred clearing
In the secret Wood of the Thirteen Oaks
And a Loblolly Pine made when The Primal
Pole-er Bear from Beyond Time set up
The North Pole and the South Pole, and gave the
North Pole Santa Claus and the South Pole Little America
Station, and this Manichaean duality
Has set the planet in opposition
To itself, resulting in the cancellation
Of Gilligan’s Island after only three seasons
Because Gilligan and The Skipper were close
To discovering the Pre-Raphaelite
Anaemic Amoebic Astrolabe in yet
Another papier mache cave infested
By toxic golden hamsters of existential doom
Guarding a time-and-space portal leading
Directly to Oak Island where Captain Kidd’s
Lost cuff links (the ones with little pictures
Of Elvis golfing with leprechauns) can
Be found, the cuff links that channel the energy
Between The North Pole and the South Pole enhanced
By the chakra of a Hoover vacuum cleaner
Once used by Winston Churchill’s housekeeper
During the Blitz before she married her second
Husband, Trevor, who was the Hereditary
Keeper of the Keys of the Guernsey Privy
And thus a carrier of fairy blood
As required by Ye Ancient Lawes of the Booke
Of…something-or-other…which was carved in runes
On Roman skulls just before the loss of
The Island of Anglesey to Governor
Suetonius who was told by The Voices
That the Druids invented rock ‘n’ roll and
Must be destroyed so that the harmonic
Harmony of the North Pole and the South Pole
Could be restored to their primordial
Nordic vanilla pudding.

Were you always a killer,
commendable, expendable
secret agent girl?
Were you always a dancer, entrancer,
Irene Adler, romancer,
secret agent girl?
Were you smart or kind of heart,
lover of art, playing your part.
secret agent girl?
Were you feared or revered,
a pioneer of weird,
secret agent girl?
Were you a dream, beauty supreme,
eyes all agleam, more than you seemed,
secret agent girl?
Who lost you, tossed you
and at what cost due,
secret agent girl?

When did they rob you of your glory,
rewrite author, title, story,
secret agent girl?
Where did they take you, break you,
make you into something new,
secret agent girl?
Are you Cold War fossil lost in time,
too young to be old, past no prime,
secret agent girl?
Beneath the earth, above the sky,
not allowed to cry, to die, are you,
secret agent girl?
Who were you before your halo cracked,
before the fact, your devil's pact,
secret agent girl?
I'll kiss you, miss you,
this bliss is amiss,
secret agent girl.
It's time to go, leave me alone,
you broken hero,
secret agent girl.