She's a book of poetry
easy to read if you're willing to read
She's so bittersweet to me
always excited,
yet tired at the same time
Will she ever find time?
To breathe..
And get away from the lights

She's so beautiful to me,
the way that Art fills her mind...

Oh Camila, if you're listening to this song
I hope you see that
you have purpose
you're so gorgeous
you're so strong
And I'm just a fangirl,
in a paper world
full of paper towns and hearts...
But your song makes me dance and-
Love Only's my anthem
and we're on our way to the stars... ♥

Camila dips a toe into the black
A ring of water sears upon her skin
She knows at once she cannot venture back
until she tames the beast that lurks within
She’s grown familiar with its poison kiss,
The fragile light corrupted by its shade,
Yet if one truth exists, she thinks it this:
Camila’s fought too long to be afraid  
She winces as her knuckles sear and scar
But, trem'bling, she does not cease her descent
She casts her burning eyes into the tar
and spies the beast, head hung and elbows bent,
but startles when the beast cries out in song
Its voice had been Camila’s all along

/                                america, july 18th:
  and the utter media shambles -
like ****** and steroids
for the uninitiated -
     tongues without the rattlesnake
trill of an ᚨᚱ:
   numbed w'ah w'ah peddling
of woe to row the sinking boat:
maniac adult funfair
attempting a nostalgia
for the playground game
of bulldog...

                russia, 25th march:
the kemerovo fire (siberia) -
          children frying, screaming,
perhaps even hoping -
  a shying herod, the example
of: as moloch descended...
          prayers in the fire
                  by the innocents...

england, july 19th -
   alternative to rehydrating
using water...
    a generous 5 hour sleep -
******* on the remains
of last night's lemon
     used to infuse the subtle
smoky of bell's whiskey,
playlist:

- the jon spencer blues
  explosion (bellbottoms)
- britney spears (criminal)
- twenty one pilots (heathens)
- calvin harris (this is what you came for)
- camila cabello (habana)
- rihanna (disturbia)
- birdbrain (youth of america)
- ghost (ritual)
- focus (hocus pocus)
- edwyn collins (a girl like you)
- the guess who (american woman)
- the knack (my sharona)
- cronica (herr mannelig)

and then onto buckling in
4 beers and thinking
about black holes as the pin-head
of antimatter -
a dead sun...
     dead, but not dead...

   and the first, crude graphic
tomb raider game...

   rather than having completed
it...
     since only owning
a demo...

                 investigating
the possibility of 2D objects in
3D space...
       well: the universe isn't even
exactly 3D: it's hyper-3D...
    but in the tomb raider game
you could walk up to a minor
detail in the game, a fern,
and observe two-dimensionality
in a "three dimensional space"...

   namely: the ferns were all 2D,
and rotated within a "hyperbole"
of the eye -
   however you observed the "object"
it rotated round and round,
never allowing you to see
    its demoniac otherside -

i can only expect dead suns to
behave in such a manner -
   two dimensional objects in a three
dimensional subject matter -
almost paradoxical -

     rotating at immense speed...
invigorating a near but not quiet
a postportem of a death...

       and you really can see UV light
surface
staring at a glaring hot sun with
a naked eye -
   and see the same hyper-rotation -
it's almost like looking at
molten silver, but with a hint
of violet - i.e. akin phosphorescence:
but in the daytime...

and who said you need to
ingest hallucinogenics -
    and enter the labyrinth of a short,
short, history,
    of the chipmunk caveman?

i'm just drunk, you're probably
sober...
    but those guys doing
a timothy leary sermon?
   they're...
     gone.......................... gone -
     they hit the tangens curve.

I thought you were a cat,
but now I see you're not.

You have my favorite haircut,
Its reminds me of important women I knew,
Like a teacher I vaguely recall
From my hazy infancy.
My brain was still soft.

But I do remember her hair,
Even though her face is blurred.
Lemon yellow,
It was years before i heard the word blonde.

I picture you,
Slipping fingers through your mane,
Like a cat slips through a fence.

i can’t do anything correctly.
“stop cutting”
“promise me that you won’t cut”
i hear you, father, every time
that knife glides across my skin.
every time that knife digs in.
every time that knife pours out my feelings.
couldn’t i just disappear?
you wouldn’t be so stressed.
less money spent.
more fun.
no girls in the house.
guys night out.

it’s for you.

I was tired of living in the dark. The sun on my skin leaves its mark.
I was tired of leading a double life so I said good bye to Sarana and went Home to my wife.

She took me back without hesitation and no verbal *******. Serana always temps me to the dark side.
I am sorry Serana I will have to let it slide.

The kids are doing well but they do not attend school why do they take me for a fool.

My wife Camila is walking backwards its a glitch in the game that annoys me ever after.

I can start a new game, I mean and leave Camila and the  Children maybe it will be the same.

I choose a new wife and kids.
Or maybe I'll wind up in the skids.

Golden soul
worth tons of gold,
cristaled eyes
filled with hope.

The love you brought,
has fullfilled this home
of pure innocence,
and unforgettable joy.

Camila. C-A-M-I-L-A.
When I hear those words,
It’s like I’m listening to a broken glass.
I think of myself as if I were the only Camila
Out there. As if I’m the only lonely
Person in this world who has the desire
To just die.

I take a deep breath, and let it out.
I take another one, do the same.
I do that to relief the pain, stress
And anxiety.
But really, is it helpful enough to make
Those powerful things go away?
Don’t think so.

I try to ride. I try to listen.
I try to do my best. I try to be the best in everything.
Best friend, best student, best counselor etc.
I try to be done riding this rollercoaster
That only goes down.
I try to make the best out of every moment.
But they just end like everything I do,
****** up.