give me love because lately I've been trying to tie a ribbon in my mouth. I forget too soon all the lessons i learned from leaving the south.

i bend over backwards and open my chest in a position to bring it to rest like Prima the Ballerina. My fingers ***** the empty air as if to pluck a rosy twang from a long bow I just imagined. my circumference dissipates to reveal my core, wake up not any more in  a beaten trailer, but a nest full of hope.

i'm wearing a black body suit and i finally have strength to stand on my toes. My point is I wish I had stood up for myself.

I can't forget looking down at the sad scene and I knew : I could never write again.

I lived in a place where the windows were nailed shut. You had to drink from a broken cup. Still. There's a place within that I refused to give up.



An angel above watched the figure of a girl stumble out from a tunnel into a staggering light, her feet ***** through the next 3 years of her life. The angel was forbidden to break a strict law of interference. The angel stood like an innocent bystander at a bar, babysitting her drink as the tall young brunette the one with beachy hair, she had sailor striped earrings,  staggered into womanhood. The angel hovered closely over her shoulder during the young lady's independent study of the greatest lesson in life's classroom: Acceptance. Finally. On the brink of the greatest love of all.

"Give me love!" She shouted from a rooftop and crossed that off her to-do list. Then she danced like there was no one who could judge her except the angel who sat there in Lovely Sally leggings in a wistful stare, her blood had turned into alcohol. She wondered who this person was, too full of music to be filled with sorrow, dancing in a **** hole and on rooftops. She knew as an angel, she shouldn't drink, but no one judged her. She knew a few monks that smoked.

This chick had drank more than enough, hollered on a rooftop, kissed a girl, and now was too tired to stand, she swayed like willow tree. The 20 year old traveled without stopping to a park & sat
in the same seat she did when she was 17 and made love for the first time.  Now the angel was seeing double.

The angel had this silly thought to take her to a rural town in Germany. Angels were allowed to visit any where and with any one. That's what she was doing now.


She watched her pick herself up and find herself home after a long wistful silence.  The angel glanced at the spot under the oak tree after she dissapeared from her eyes.   She left behind a checkerboard composition notebook bookmarked with a  pink mechanical pencil. It was her to-do list.

- learn ballet
- buy my cat the most toys on the block
- afford sophisticated clothes
- get new violin strings and bow
- drink more water
- love myself
-donate nice clothes to an unfortunate girl
-deforestation

The angel read all 47 items through her bloodshot eyes and decided she'd help fullfill it.

(Mina)
I looked up at the sky
dear god you listening?
I wonder how you let us sin
as if you just don't see a thing

( Brandon)

( God)
I heareth thee mine child
For tis man hath his free will
Yet man hath forgotten me
Dilutes me by drink and by pills

(Mina)


why did you give man the right to
do all these inhumane acts
forget you as simple as this
and get obsessed with his own tasks.

( Brandon)

(God)
I loveth man
He hath his own will to chooseth,
Simply one choice
Me or the devil their soul giveth!!!
Thou must remember mine daughter
For man the devil doth temp,
Man chooseth to sell his own soul
As to Satan man to him is for rent!!!

( Mina)


you are the creator of man
and you gave him the free will
while you could take it all away
ask him to pray for you still
instead you gave him a second choice
by which he could've gone amiss
devil never seemed to be trustful
could mislead you simple as a kiss...

(Brandon)

(God)
Tis right mine offspring
I'm the creator of all
The devil didst betray me
As his cherubs didst fall
And though this world mayeth be dark
And hellish after all
I am the light
Between hellion Shaw!!!

i want to perform. in front of hundreds.
yes. but its not like **** as people watch on www.pleasewatch.com
something more ritualistic
MORE primal like a divine act.
feminine and masculine integrating with an honest envelope.
sign sealed delivered by the ultimate act of universe.
it is soulful with lust but pure as a dust.
lust for the very first time.
you are tasting it for the first time and you realize that you have a magnificent power that never stops to rhyme.
that you can keep on and on.
then all of sudden it will be like nobody is there.
the audience dissapeared.
and there you go. we are adam and eve. there for the first time.
there goes the prakriti and purusha
like rebellion to the addicted and hedonist world of amnesia.

I loved you and you loved me.
But our love turned toxic and dissapeared.
It did hurt at first but I am over it now.
And I don't grieve the lost of our love no more.
Cause beauty can grow from pain.
And after destruction there is place and time to create.
What is broken can be fixed again.
But only when it is worth the time and effort.
When not, we still have the memories to build on.
And beauty can grow from pain.
After the fall we can rise again.
Stronger and wiser than we were before.
And that is why I don't grieve what we once had.
It is dead now and made place for new life.
More beautiful and than what was before.
This is why I don't grieve us falling out of love no more.

-PROLOG-
                



               A whooshof air playing with a tender long brown hair, a wave of flips of curly hair. AS the sun sets in the mountains of Colorado with a misty glow on the pure crystal snow. As I glaze in the beauty, I turned around in a grunted sigh and walk to my bran new house in the middle of no where. I said walking back to house with my family "why did my **** step-dad have to bring us here in this dump, pssh I hate him so much!!" with my flench curled up and my knuckles turning white, teeth clenching, kicking rocks to take all my anger on. Crossing down by the bank of mystical waterfall that held frozen and was a piece of art to any who hates water still would make it beautiful. Passing by with full rage of anger reaching my sister with a graden rose dress, black sandles to surrounds her newely fresh scab formed on her righ knee, but with a smile thats lights up this dull place. Man that girl can always cheer me up even im ****** at the world i could never be mad at my sister i thought whiled walking slowing down a wave a brushy grass that any person or animal could fall on....before my sister could reach me in a small peice of my eye caught something it was a man in black clothing sticking his hand out saing "rachel." pause "rachel come... come..." and slowly dissapeared. As I stood in shock my body froze in fear it felt a trap of death and slowl everthing went black out all i could hear were faint screams of my sister before it blocked out for good. " Sister!!! Wake up!! MOM!!!! DAD!!!!!!! COME HERE!!!!!" Jennifer said with crystal water tears holding my hand trying to wake me up but failed to. "Honey did you hear something?" my mother tilted her head while she unpacked the car. " What were you saying teresa i could not hearyou i was getting everthing settled in thehouse but thenyou called me so what i-" richered got cut by a bloddy screem in the near distance in the woods. "MOMMY!!!! FATHER!!!!" the both parents look in shock and dropped every thing and dashed out the front lawn. "mommy.....father...where are you..."jenniferjust cried there hopeless while I laid there in silence. "Oh my god Jennifer are you alright what were screaming about" mother said worry in her eye while killing Jeniffer with a big bear hug. " What in gods name made you scream like that" Richered said frowning and getting with a cocky attituded. Jennifer ploted out mother's strong arms and raced down to me where I still laid dead silence. " what the hell, where is she going... holy sh-" my mother was about to scream like akiller was after but she calm her self and went to jennifer's side and was nearly about to cry. " Don't worry teresa she's breathing so thats a good thing lets take her to the doctors before anything else happens and jennifer could you explianed what happened to your big sis please it would help alot." Richered said begging for help. "umm well she was going down this hill then she froze in fear as she saw something bad then the next thing pwoof going down twumbling and she went blank" Jeniffer said looking in her eyes with very much concern.
                     with about a three hour car to doctors the family of four came rushhing for help "excuse me ma'ma can you help me...im in a diffuclt spot please helpmy daughter in law" Richered said with a firery pumped up voice. " Yes sir whats the problem" the young blond teen siad as typing on the computer to comform the document to acces the doctor. " My daughter she fainted and wont wake up and its been over 4 hours can you please help her" Richered said sheepishly as finder his wife and her younger child right behind him and my mom carring me. "Ok sir just put her on hospital bed room 34 please and you may visit her after the docotor comes to see her but for now just wait here in the wiaitng room. about an hour passed the docotor who was taking care of me came in the room saying " Mr. and Mrs. randof may you come with me." he said with a demading tone. "Yes sir may my daughter come to?" mother said trying not to show fear in her voice "of corse" he said while letting the family through the back door then the hallway that leads to my room. " she up but we dont know what happened...so we need to go to the hospital to checked up by more higher professionals." the doctor eyed my in like what in the world happened. There was an akwarad silence until my step dad intruded that peace and manage to say " w-well ok and now Rachel would you care to explian what happed to you" Richered said while to strengthen his tone back. " yes..." I paused to re-gain my memory " So I took a walk and walked back to house but i passed the frozen lake that froms like a waterfallbut its frozen so i saw Jennifer and i was  about t call her name but then i saw a person in a black robe sticking his hand out liketrying to grab me it kept on sayin Rachel..Rachel come come and when i turned completely it was gone completely like if it were a ghost and then i felt a horror shock come over my body and could the world turning black then only hearing Jennifer's faint screams of concern and down I fainted then went to silence...." I finaly said with lifting my head slowly and with a greck bolt in my eyes I looked right behind them there was again. With seeing it again it turn pale with tearns rolling down my eyes like waterfalls and hushed to cold knock out.

i saw a little weasel a lovely chap was he
playing in my garden by the willow tree
he was very cute as happy as can be
running round the garden so very wild and free
i watched in him for a while having lots of fun
running round my garden underneath the sun
then he dissapeared into his hole so deep
then he closed his eyes then fell fast asleep

the truth about happiness
is that is never lasts
not really

happiness is fleeting
like a balloon
after you’ve filled it up to fly
tied it and all
but the tie was loose
and so
eventually
it would fall

the oxygen escapes the balloon
like happiness escapes us
little by little
we become the least bit unhappier

when i fell in love with him
it was as if i received a balloon for a very first time
how happy he made me
gave me a high like no other
but again
the tie was loose
our happiness wouldn’t last forever

soon there was a day
where the euphoria wore off
the balloon left for the skies
and he followed
so i was left
to drown
in my own sadness
in the ocean
of my doubt

happiness is fleeting
quick
taken for granted
it feels like a once-in-a-lifetime thing
and you just missed it

but life waits for no one
so i kept walking
and there, i found you

and my dear,
i would find out
that you made the world a little less bleak
gave me a little hope
made me a little happy
when i did not think i could feel happiness again.

there were still days
where i fell back into the darkness
and my happiness dissapeared
but you stayed
and each time
you taught me a new form
of “happy”

and you told me
that to be really
truly
happy
more than loving you
i needed to love me

for if one day
you could not walk the same path as i
then my smile would not wither
like the flowers you gave me
or die out
like the love i gave in return
— and they did

so the truth about happiness
i was right the first time
it doesn’t last
not really
not with someone else

the only way to achieve “eternal happiness”
is to find that happiness
within yourself

¨oh cinderella¨ the prince called out cinderellas name lovingly filling her heart with fear. his call used to make her feel safe and secure. ¨what a fool i was¨she thought.  ¨now im going to die hereº ¨hello my dear¨ the prince sadisticly smiled. ¨hello.¨cinderella rolled her blue eyes coldly. ¨why the aditude cinderella? you know i don't like that. we're not going to get anywhere if you keep pushing me away like this. ¨ the prince raised his eyebrows sympathetically. cinderella shook her head in aggravation ¨dont you get it? i dont want to get anywhere with you. you are everything i hate about this god forsaken world.¨
the prince chuckled ¨it's so adorable when you try to act like you're smar cinderella. do you even know what the word godforsaken means??? he laughed. ¨your lack of wit is so very comical¨ he smiled as he began to walk away. ¨where are you going¨ cinderella called out. ¨into town. now dont you go anywhere.¨ he laughed. ¨i have to find a doctor who will come to the palace re–break your arm and put it in a cast for me.¨
¨break my arm?¨ cinderella jumped. ¨yes my dear it's not going to heal correctly that way now is it? see how difficult you make things cinderella? if you would have just stayed instead of trying to leave me with a broken heart then i wouldn't have had to break your arm and we wouldnt be in this situation. why? why cant you just let me love you?¨ the prince looked at cinderella sympathetocly as he turned away and slowly dissapeared into the darkness of the dungeon. cinderella wept uncontrolably.

The morning comes, and dark clouds appears
Facebook notification alerts me about those clouds
Are clearing today and I must look out for sunshine
So what about me: what about our equanimity
in the New York city?

What am I going to wear?
Here I am dress up like polar bears
Watching my window curtain clings again the window pane
So cold inside, so are the contents in the tupperware
Looking forward to this sunny day, before the night comes
Longing for that special trip to the Caribbean sunshine,

The air in the city seem so misty and *****
The loud traffics sound is deafen, it's sicken
It’s time for some March morning moonshine

The traffic light by Walgreen pharmacy is on the ground
The black ice still hangs around in the big city

A poet lamenting about the well-being of the city dwellers
As many folks filed grievances about living conditions of Newyorkers
A poet might as well filed a complaint over conditions,
that led up to her cold, cold **** and *****

Oh you no 7 x 7 isn't 49
And there ain't no way in the world
That your soul could possibly be dead
Cause you seeing those crashing waves
Yes you hear them and their loud
But somewhere deep inside that head
There is something else to be said
Last night I dissapeared from sister
And yes I lie when I say I don't miss her
I wrote her a note while sailin' away on a boat
Oh how I lie when I say I don't miss her
Whisper to the night and expect not an answer
Alone in a world spinning with disaster
Words that twirl eventually are wet with drool
Mary sister yes once used to be my master
A fortnight was alright until the birds started chirping
So early that I just couldn't stand it
I buried the hatchet in this heart long ago
And no the action was not at all outlandish
Passing through years that felt like seconds
As the sound of my sister still beckons
Lightning cracks as I bend my back
For a dollar in inevitable squalor
An open road for the hipster toads
Lures the weak ones with spirit like dreams
But these monsters that linger inside our heads
Our myth with apparition standing stiff
Link the chord and be bored with the music you heard before
Cause' the times that were a changing are now no more
Look forward to the quick and easy fix
A painting that costs one thousand and ten licks
Hang it for coffee, hang it for drink, hang it for the boyfriend who you believe can think
For that is what we are all really looking for
A masterpiece of sincerity a tip toein' with authenticity
Convinced I've felt the real thing
A shadow tells me that I am not here
No never, not at all
The back of a bedroom says that this room is full
My girl is at the end of the hall
Standing alone, no bone but mine
The reader grins afraid and victorious
All at the same time
Tell me what I did, what I said, who the gutter girl ****** in bed
Aftermath of publications punkish in their poors
Metal metaphors of anarchy wishing that they were similes in "the feel"
Goodnight to your grand opening selling that thing with the feathers
Why bother with something that I can't shoot in the eye, bake with a pie
Eat while the year is passing and the cars won't stop to bother
Hello, yes?, I'm here, are you? Yeah, why?, cause you wanted me to get here man!!!!!!
OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH I PLUM FORGOT
Silly at night sinking softly in the morning but the nightlife ain't a morning cause a the stink of her breath
****** tosses a hat in the air, dies, another comes and takes his place
Continue
Black and blue with a ink blot test gone array
The starry night sky with a million cities burning
Minions of monsters move so fast madly that your own thoughts forget themselves and remember the hair of your first love that seemed like an ancient angelic mare
Not a possibility of the sea where there are no currents that can move the memories of transitory commerce that made another guy rich and another guy poor
Oh so poor
Oh so dead
Oh so filled with **** previews that make young men and women rich on clips of fat like a steak thrown away
Concrete pours on the heads of the righteous filled to the brim with ideals of theological fantastics that in the hemisphere spelling never did exists all the while the black lines, yet with yet, tell themselves secrets jingling bells with sapphire eyes all the while caught off guard with a thousand endless secrets still wishing they had millions
A mystery novel produced, never read, but remembered
Hallow in the heart, she said to me, hallow and crazy
Ok then toward the end the street said right or left and I chose up
A girl, mexican, wished one day she could believe that she was clean
A wet spot on the rug told me not to tug at his anxiety and his belief
Ok then, where do we go from here?
No, I don't tink' I know the answer
"Do you?" No. "Do you?" Nope. "Are you answering for me or are you answering for yourself?" I'm answering for the chalkboard cause' I like the sound of chalk on the thick green skin
Forget about it until the time comes for the girl behind you with the *******
Read a note from a girl and she said she loved me
Said I hated her and she still said she loved me
Were married now
Not a thing special when the dance makes up your soul
Forgetting that time ticks for the sure and the scared
OHHH what happiness comes from check good and cashed
Which preferment plan for the milk and the maid
The honk and the duck's blade?
Farming in the depths of dirt that reminds me of my young girth
A plentiful place where images flicker on the edge of sinister

im a lonesome trucker down and feeling blue
my baby she has left me for somebody new
driving down the road with teardrops in my eyes
with my trucking blues and a heart thats full of sighs

radio is playing the songs we listened to
my sunshine dissapeared from the skies of blue
thinking of the things that we used to do
even in my truck i cant drive away from you

ive got the trucking blues since i dont have you
im a lonesome man dont know what to do
with my broken heart i try to carry on
got the trucking blues now  my love has gone

when i hear a love song on the radio
my eyes begin to water then the teardrops flow
i still love you so  theres nothing i can do
here inside my heart theres still a flame for you

ive got the trucking blues since i dont have you
im a lonesome man dont know what to do
with my broken heart i try to carry on
got the trucking blues now  my love has gone

I love you was heard as she threw the last of her clothes over her shoulder
and disappeared into the North Atlantic. Guided by Stars only she knew of we waved goodbye and wished her well throwing our roses into the surf and turned for home to celebrate her life at her wake.

We used to laugh the whole time
I was your friend and you were mine
But slowly the laughs dissapeared
Untill they no longer appeared
We went in different directions
Found a new place and made new connections
And though I miss you all the time
I'm fine as long as you still smile.