It is not unusual that at some point in our lives we will have to deal with a tense encounter where words will be exchanged in an environment of anger with others. Usually there is one person who is in less control of himself and poses a greater risk to harm the other. How do you defuse the situation? How do you calm someone who is angry? First, talk with a low calm voice. Secondly, show them your white teeth (smile), if possible. And don't look them directly in the face. These three suggestions are predicated on the fact that they are all non-engaging and have a tendency to calm or reduce tension from the aggravated party.

It all starts by using the wrong words, or the right words interpreted the wrong way by the offended party. This escalates potentially becoming a provocation by someone who is incensed or upset over a matter. Angry words then usually follow. Depending on how you handle things, will determine whether you succeed to defuse the situation or not. And sometimes, just sometimes, friendship regains that upper hand. This is the best case scenario which everyone could only want.
I tried to capture all this with a short Haiku that now follows:

a word, provoking
angry words are now exchanged
smiles come, peace remains

As an interesting afterthought, a person once shared with me his unusual approach he himself uses to avoid getting angry. He told me whenever he feels that he is about to get angry he forces himself to laugh uncontrollably and loud that his anger not "take control of Him." He said it works. I am fortunately happy to tell you have never had a chance to test his system out.

You are who jumpstarts
And completes my day
And I love how
You wake my heart up
With a simple "Good morning"
And "Hey."

You are who soothes my nerves
And calms my mind
In the morning.
You are the warmth
That I seek
When it starts raining.
And you will always be
Like my favorite drink
When I am happy, down,
Or when I can't think.

I think...
I think I love you
The way that I love coffee.
Doesn't matter if it is hot, warm,
Iced, blended, with milk, without,
Sweet, pure, brown, black, bitter,
With chocolate or raspberry,
Single or double shot,
Even decaf.
It doesn't matter.
I love coffee because
It is coffee.
And [I think], I love you...
Because you are you.

You have good days and bad days.
And days when you lose control.
You are generally sweet and gentle and funny
But there are days
When your patience wears thin
And I see that a lot with you.
You have an active mind
And a creativity of a five-year-old
Your stories blow my mind
And are out of this world.
Yet there are days when
Your stories are sad.
And I still love you for that.
You are caring and protective of me
And loving and genuine and sincere
But sometimes you lie
And sometimes you hide
And your fear of questions, and your paranoia
Kind of offends me.
And even in days when you could be
Like a ticking time bomb
Waiting to explode
About to lose control
Believe me, it doesn't matter.
I am willing to take the blow
And I would try to defuse you.
But even if you hurt me
I think...
I know...
I would still love you.

Because you don't love coffee
Only when it is sweet.
Or creamy.
You love coffee if you get to appreciate it
In all its bitter glory.
And I want you to know...
I want to see the best
And the worst parts of you.
And I know...
Even then
I will still love you.

But I have to remind myself
To take it easy.
Because I might burn my lips
And my tongue
From your intensity.
But even then...
Though it hurts.
I will still be able to enjoy you.
I know...
I have been burned by coffee too.

So …..
  
Who Are The ...  
... " Good Guys " ... ?  
In These Modern Times ... ?  

Osama … Obama ... ? ?  
Or Those … Civil Type Guardia ... ?  
  
What ...  
Makes Them Good ... ?  
  
The Guns They Use ...
As If They ... Should ….  
To RESTRAIN and ... Defuse ...  
VIOLENT … Neighbourhoods … !?!
  
But REALLY …  
Is This ... What They Do … ?!?  
  
I've Heard Stories ...  
That … Relay TRUTH ...  
About The ABUSE ...  
Some Guardia … Choose … !!!  
  
Like …  
STRIPPING Men …  
In … Spanish Streets ...  
To ... Prove To Them ….  
The ... Kinda PROBLEMS ...  
They're ... BOUND To See ...  
If They ... DON'T Respect ...  
The ... " Gendarmerie " … !!!!!  
  
Good Guys ….. !!!?!!!  
  
REALLY … ?!?  
  
Or Employed … BULLIES ...  !?!  
  
The Type Who ... FEED ...  
of … "ABUSE FILLED Deeds" … !!!  
  
The Type That Make ...  
Young People … BLEED … !!!
  
When ...  
Guns They … PARADE …  
Aren't Used … " Properly " …  
  
Kind of Like …. " NEWTOWN " ….  
Where It's CLEAR … Gun Sounds ...  
Will Now … RESOUND ...  
In The ... Hearts and Mouths ...  
of ... Parents Now …  
  
Resound With … " LOSS " … !!!!!  
Cos' A ... LOVED One's Gone … !!!!!
  
WITHOUT A …. Song ….  
Or Farewell ... "Prolonged" ...
  
So …. ???  
  
What Was The Mantra ... ?  
of … Adam Lanza ... ?  
  
To Shoot REPEATEDLY ...  
In A ... KILLING SPREE …  
That Took … SO MANY … !!!!!  
  
Was His Mind So HEAVY ... ?!?  
That His Thoughts … CLEARLY …  
Had Become …  "UNstEAdy" … !!!  
  
So …  
Where Were Connecticut's ...  
GOOD GUYS … Then … ?  
  
With The ... " NRA " ... !?!  
At A ... Shooting Range … ???  
  
Shooting Guns For …  "FUN" … !!!  
  
While The Blood of A MUM ...  
And Youngsters ..... RUN .....................................
  
Down SCHOOL Hallways ...  
In The … Middle of The Day ... !?!
  
Now The NRA Says …  
  
"Bad Guys with guns,  
need to face, good ones !"
  
Okay Okay ...  
But Let's ... Get This Straight … !!!  
  
It's ... OKAY For A Man ...  
Whose Been Paid and Trained ...  
To ... SHOOT TO **** ...
  
Pretty Much AT WILL ...  
Cos' It's Been … " Okayed " …  
By The ….  " NRA " …. !?!  
  
Who Said ...  
They Were Good … !!!???!!!  
  
I Learnt My Lesson ...  
Watching … Charlton Heston ... !!!  
  
It Would ...  
Seem To Me ...  
That ... NRA Peeps …  
  
Care ...  
MORE For ... MONEY ...  
Than When … Children BLEED … !!?!!  
  
It's ... ALL About GREED … !!!  
  
Cos' ...  
Good GUYS ... DON'T NEED ...  
To Have … " ARMOURIES " ... !!!  
To ENSURE The Streets ...  
Are Filled With … "PEACE" ...
  
and I … For One ...  
DON'T Believe That Guns ...
Have … ANY Function …  
In …. Education …. !!!!!!  
  
Educate Our Youth ….. !!!  
About The ...  
  
HARM They Cause ... !!!!!!!  
  
They NEED To Be Schooled ...  
In ….... AVOIDING Wars ............ !!!!!!
  
And In ... Avoiding Depression …  
That Leads To HARSH Lessons ... !!!!!  
  
It Time To STRENGTHEN ... !!!  
Our Fight Against ... Guns ...  
  
And Time To … " LESSEN " …  !!!  
" NRA " ... Type Funds ... !!!!!  
  
That SUPPORT …   " The Lie "  
of …..  " Preservation of life " …  
    
Through The Use of …  
………. GUNS …………  
  
Seeing Blood ... Run …  
DOESN'T ... Signify FUN … !!!!!  
  
NEITHER Does ...  
... The Sight ...  
  
of Police In Schools ...  
With A Gun By Their Side … !!!
  
They Weren't In View …  
When I Was ... Being Schooled … !!!
  
So FOLKS …  
DON'T BE ... Fooled ... !!!  
By ...  Lobbyist Groups … !!!!!  
  
When It Comes To ...  
  
... "Who is Who" …  
  
Who Are THEY To Decide … !???!  
When It Comes To ... Peoples' Lives ...  
  
Who The People Should Believe .....  
    
To Be …………………………  
  
... "The Good Guys !!!" ...

Defuse The Bombs
When the war was over there are many things left over
That never went bang and were there secretly hiding
The Germans defused them in many places
And were paid in food and reduced sentences

Some new types of British bomb had a tricky fuse
Hans lost two of his friends to these tricky things
The fuse diagrams were held up at the docks
Was this on purpose or simply bureaucratic bumbling?

From beach to hill to city nowhere was safe
Mortars and shells and bombs were everywhere
Just waiting to wake up and **** one or two or ten
Deadly seeds of mayhem born from carnage

Made in factories by old men and girls
To fight the biggest event in human history
Now it was over those evil creations needed to be cleared
Prisoners of War got the job and in return a lighter sentence

Only if they weren't proven party members Nazis members
Most were teenage soldiers who were green and scared
They cleared mines off Danish beaches and bombs in German cities

You'd think more didn't explode than did
A legacy that last to this day
The sad memory of war...

It’s been a while but wanted to write to you on better terms
Last time we spoke my life was taking a hard turn
Grew up a lot, learned sometimes its best to just let it burn
Nourish those who need the good in me their souls are starving ferns
I keep your memories because a good feeling is for good healing
Raise my hands up only to no longer just feel the ceiling
My vision changed and simplicity is way more appealing
Don’t need jump on people’s throats, take a breath and think about your core feeling.
I’ve made peace with your son - look what I’ve become
I face the things that challenge me,  no longer look to turn around and run
Life has its ups and downs but you’ve seen me through my struggles
Trying to lead my team but can’t always remember the plays in the huddle
My imperfections have sorta been corrected
Still need to be burn by the fire in order to learn my lesson
I found a new love, which is beyond a blessing
But I don’t feel I deserve it and that’s my own misconception
Gave up on being aggressive and showing off for the attention
I thank you everyday for your strength by the way...
That’s just something I needed to mention
You taught me I’m a product of what I go through
And even if they wrong don’t hurt them back just to help you

I gave up the drugs to numb my pain
I look up now but for the clear skies and not the rain
I don’t think I need to pull the trigger to help defuse my explosive brain
For the first time in my life I actually feel sane
The family good and seem more connected than ever
Feel we follow you and grannies policy of always keeping the family together
I’ve learned that I don’t need to escape nor think I don’t belong
Come around a bit more because my family needs me so we can collectively be strong
My past still haunts me and the demons remain strong
I’m working on letting that all go though and not trying to hold on.
That dark thought will sneak in and at times I’ll still ask for death
But I’m learning my purpose now and cherishing every single breath.
You’re the greatest man I’ve ever known and I miss you being around
The only man in my life I can truly say who’s never let me down
I thank you for your guidance
Protecting me from my internal violence
Learning to listen a bit more
You get the most out of others through your inner silence
That little boy opens his eyes now and is no longer hiding.
Finally appreciating my life, which is way more exciting.
Inspiration has come back, that’s why I got the chance to write you this song
Feels good to let go of everything I’ve done wrong.
****.
You taught me to remember when I get set backs
Been through the worst times to get the best back
Wish sometimes I could go back in time and give the low me a jet pack.
But...
You was right about it all, Im finally learning for myself
I hope this is someway a thank you for all your spiritual help.
Promise to keep spreading your word and only improving myself
Hope the angels take care of you until I see you myself.

Nobody teaches you how to react when you are woken up by the people you live with as they are screaming obscenities at each other.
Nobody teaches you how to defend your mom against the one she chose to marry and his demeaning words, full of hatred and anger.
Nobody teaches you how to tell the phone operator what is happening while also trying to stop the tears that continue to pour from your already burning eyes.
Nobody teaches you how to pry a 45 year old from a 14 year old or how to stay safe until the police arrive at your house.
Nobody teaches you how to convince your brother to come back inside after running away into the cold, December winds in order to protect himself.
Nobody teaches you how to quickly and efficiently pack your belongings into three small bags when your home life escalates from bad to worse to hell-on-earth.
Nobody teaches you how to tell your friends that you will not be coming back to school.
And nobody teaches you how to survive when you are no longer welcome to live at the place you once called home.

Nobody taught me how to react when I was woken up by the people I lived with as they were screaming obscenities at each other.
I was not aware that standing outside my bedroom door – with every limb of my body cemented into place and stricken with fear, unable to move or even breathe, let alone defuse the situation – was worthy of being verbally attacked.
I did not know what to do when actions were required.

Nobody taught me how to defend my mom against the one she chose to marry and his demeaning words, full of hatred and anger.
I could not think of the right words to say to put an end to
the hysteria in which my mom was continuously put down and verbally spat upon.
I could not think of the right steps to take to ensure she would no longer fall victim to words that did not accurately describe her worth.
I did not know how to defend my own mother.

Nobody taught me how to tell the phone operator what was happening while also trying to stop the tears that continued to pour from my already burning eyes.
I did not know how to breathe properly - in and out, in and out - or how to put my words into coherent sentences or how to listen to what I was being told from the operator and my mom and the cacophony of other voices that were piercing my ears with every uttered sound or how to recall my name, age, and address.
I did not know how to make a simple phone call.

Nobody taught me how to pry a 45 year old from a 14 year old or how to stay safe until the police arrived at my house.
I never before had to witness the strength that adrenaline causes a scrawny, teenage boy to possess.
I never before had to witness the deranged sight of a pair of eyes when they are locked onto your only brother, waiting and wanting to hurt him in more ways than one.
I never before had to witness and endure the way in which seconds seem to last hours when waiting for the police to bring safety and an end to the nightmare that had become real life.
I did not know how to escape the paralyzing effect of pure, unfathomable fear.

Nobody taught me how to convince my brother to come back inside after running away into the cold, December winds in order to protect himself.
I did not realize that sometimes letting my younger brother run away from home is the best thing to do.
I did not realize that sometimes the police agree that you should not chase after kids who run away.
I did not realize that sometimes he would rather be cold than bruised.
I did not know how fast a person could run when he is scared.

Nobody taught me how to quickly and efficiently pack my belongings into three small bags when my home life escalated from bad to worse to hell-on-earth.
I could not differentiate between what items were wants and what items were needs, what items I needed to live and what items I needed to survive.
I could not differentiate between the voice of the police telling me to “hurry up” and the voice in my head telling me “you aren't going fast enough.”
I did not know how to move out.

Nobody taught me how to tell my friends that I will not be coming back to school.
I cannot absorb the questions that I am relentlessly asked: Yes, I am okay; No, I don't know what's going to happen; Maybe I will be able finish out the week.
I cannot absorb the look of disbelief and confusion in the eyes of my closest friends and even those who I can only call acquaintances.
I do not know how to leave my friends.

Nobody is teaching me how to survive since I am no longer welcome to live at the place I once called home.
I was not aware how quickly feelings can, and do, change from acceptance to rejection.
I could not think of what was going through my mom's head as she and her children were mercilessly attacked with both sentences and strength.
I did not know how to talk to the 9-1-1 dispatcher when my words were so desperately needed.
I never before had to witness such deep animosity within one household.
I did not realize that sometimes words hurt just as much as sticks and stones.
I could not differentiate between the sounds of stomping feet and the sounds of police banging on the door.
I cannot absorb the fact that I am not allowed to go back to the place I lived for four years.
*I do not know what to do.

I’m praying for Pangaea so I can run to the ends of the earth for you. Mixed signals are cancerous so I swallow yours down to keep you safe. Sure, souls like fire in my bloodstream burn on the way out but they’re streaming for you into this chest cavity missing a heart, my own Judas, betrayed me for your eyes. Even saints can be lost causes, darling, but you’re neither. You’re a superhero, all technicolour capes and dollar-store disguises and you’d think I’m the damsel in distress but I’m your nemesis. Why else do you think I’m burning Earth to the ground, for my own perverse enjoyment? I’m pulling your hair, putting tacks on your seat because I’m too afraid to say I love you, which is a truth, which is a bomb to defuse before our bed becomes ground zero. I laugh at your jokes and offer myself up for slaughter but you’re not biting so I’m walking home in the snow, alone. I’m cold, I’m frozen. I’ve gone home to a Heaven of ice, heads in the freezer like a good luck charm, your words carved into my palms so I won’t forget. Back to the lab, back to the drawing board. Maybe I’ll close the warplans for tonight.
I know you belong to her but I’m jealous, baby, I’m so jealous. I’ll tell you to bow down, defer, sing a hallelujah to lull me to sleep before I remember how much it hurts to love you. And tomorrow when you’re gone I’ll plan death: hell, maybe the world’s. You might love me then. I’m not too hopeful.

Uncork the bottle,
And pour it quick!
It’s been a long, long day
And I need sip.

Wine, oh Wine
I’m glad you’re mine.
Without you, I fear
I’d lose my mind.

Your dark, luscious beauty
And your white gentle hues
Coax and ease
My stress to defuse.

On days like today,
And nights,
Like tonight,
It’s you I turn to
For some bottled delight.