the worst feeling in the world could be debatable
I believe it's trying to change something
you have the full drive and desire to
but
it's not in your control
maybe parts but not all
or knowing
something
one choice
would make someone you love happier
and that's all you want
but they won't choose it
and you know they know what's right
but you can't do anything but hope
and pray
and have faith
they will
and if they don't
try to remind yourself

    there's nothing you could have done

but what you did

the sweet things you say to me keep me up at night

I can't sleep

because I can't stop my mouth from curving upwards

I can't concentrate because I'm to lost in flattery

and
I never can find the words to say back because they wouldn't compare to yours

late nights are my favorite part of day
my thoughts suddenly expand
my passion and dreams become real
i say things I wouldn't have the guts to say in the day
I find out my own secrets
I see a future full of happiness
sometimes I will think back from months ago my dreams and fantasies from dusk are no longer dreams
no longer fantasies
they are coming to life
and that's the power of night

at least I got poems and songs out of you

my secrets are my secrets
to you I felt kept
safe in your head, and and tied to your tongue
but as. you drift away
without a word to say
why
I think I'm okay
cause secrets are done eventually
and are meant to be known
so here's the secrets of us
please don't give me fuss
cause it shouldn't matter
sense there is no us

occasionally I will wonder if we're compatable

or is the only reason we stay because of flattery

do you think this too?

will I be able to tell you my secrets
could I tell you my fears

and have the same feeling that we get when we kiss

or are we just hanging by lust on a rope that's breaking strand by strand

that's not what I want
I want to know you

if I'm the only person who thinks I did the right thing then so be it

if I am the only person that I understands then so be it

if I'm the only person that doesn't think of me differently after then so be it

if I am the only person that loves me
then so be it

if I am the only person who feels alone
then so be it

if nobody listens to my side of the story because they are to quick to judge then so be it

so be it

She was ninety-five and still alive
with belief if moving mountains
You could see it in her eyes
her love of music
she spoke no lies
maybe that was good, maybe bad
your hair cut could have looked better longer
but still she could have never made you mad
her sweet stories of strength and love
were  all she spoke of
you could see she didn't have one regret
and I know the life she lived was thoughtful and prayful
she could have moved mountains,
for I know
I could see it in her eyes.

I know I hurt you

but I hurt too

it hurts you thought it was all a lie

it hurts that you hurt

maybe I was taking a risk
because I believe in taking those

but sometimes bad things come from risks& that's how we learn

I'm sorry you were a failed risk

I really didn't want it to be this way

but it is

& I can't ignore what my heart whispers to me

"no, this isn't right"

that cannot be ignored.

don't spin my head in circles
you think you would know
I'm a poet
you can't mess with poets heads
they have been kicked
they have been punched and spun every which way
but no matter what
their heads know where they are
they still remember what they were thinking
so don't mess with a poets head
because she'll most likely write about how you did

I got back up by myself then you pushed me back over

all the others occupied my thoughts at night
but you... I think this might be right
cause you are all over my head in the morning, when I get out of bed
in the afternoon when I'm eating lunch and at night too
but you're always there
I guess that's fair if it's like that for you too

all I want is to make you smile

your smile helps me find tranquility

hearing your voice has the same effect

but
sometimes I think what if I can't

what if after everything I can't make you happy

I can't make you smile

but I want to
because that's what you make me do

music


a blessing
or
a curse

when I hear it I'll cry

and

other times I'll dance

I feel emotions
I wouldn't feel before


I remember moments
I wouldn't have

so it may be a curse
but most of the time it's a blessing

or a gift

you weren't meant to be, what you are to me now
it was suppose to be a time waster or a distraction
I didn't want these feelings
but im stuck now and running off of luck hoping you mean what you say

a drop of water

can't put out a fire

just like an apology

can't heal the pain

what will we be?

this is what I see

you kiss me
and that's all it will ever be

or

you kiss me and my head will be clear

my heart will be open

I will look at you and sigh
in relief
because I'll know the way you can make me feel

I'll know that you will protect me
I will be happy
happy.
or
I will feel nothing
nothing.

and that how I'll know

what we will be

cause taking steps away from you seem horrible but really I need to realize I'm taking steps forward not backward

weaknesses

fears

hopes

dreams

pet peeves

desires

wishes

goals

your future

I want to know you

not just the good things
but the bad too

I want to know you. I hope you want to know me too.

why do I want the guy that nobody wants?
I choose him over the guy that everybody wants
they both treat me right
they both keep me up at night

but why
the one that everyone loves doesn't need me.
the guy that no girl likes he needs me

i sometimes think about you

a lot
but other times I forget

and those are the times I have bad dreams

and when I can't fall asleep

I'll replace you with meaningless things and thoughts

but once you're back nothing else matters
but you

you said "I have to hurt you now so I'll hurt you less later"

but I didn't think that you would ever have to later...

you must not know what caring is if you think you do it to much