Back and forth.
Back and forth.

Every step forward
means two backward.

Some people get stuck in a cycle
going 'round and 'round;
living a dangerous life style -
it's all they've been around.

The vicious cycle is real for me
and even though I am aware of it
that doesn't make the fighting easy,
it truly feels like it's not fair. Is it?

Why, in those crucial moments,
does my conscience step aside?
Watching as I make no sense
in the choices that I decide.

The cycle truly does control me
no matter how hard I fight back
the addiction takes hold of me
coming on like a panic attack.

One day I feel tough as nails
high hopes on meeting my goal
then negativity tells its tales
defeating my determined soul.

Constant reminders and triggers
and people who forget to try.
Honestly, I feel that it figures
inside we all just want to fly.

Like an elastic, I go back and forth,
one day there's hope, the next defeat
I may never know my true worth
unless the cycle, I can beat.

Two steps forward
no steps backward.

Move forward.
Move forward.

Back and forth.
Back and forth.

Every step forward
means two backward.

Some people get stuck in a cycle
going 'round and 'round;
living a dangerous life style -
it's all they've been around.

The vicious cycle is real for me
and even though I am aware of it
that doesn't make the fighting easy,
it truly feels like it's not fair. Is it?

Why, in those crucial moments,
does my conscience step aside?
Watching as I make no sense
in the choices that I decide.

The cycle truly does control me
no matter how hard I fight back
the addiction takes hold of me
coming on like a panic attack.

One day I feel tough as nails
high hopes on meeting my goal
then negativity tells its tales
defeating my determined soul.

Constant reminders and triggers
and people who forget to try.
Honestly, I feel that it figures
inside we all just want to fly.

Like an elastic, I go back and forth,
one day there's hope, the next defeat
I may never know my true worth
unless the cycle, I can beat.

Two steps forward
no steps backward.

Move forward.
Move forward.

Not even close to who I thought I'd be,
feels like everyone is looking at me,
expecting more than what comes easily;
I can't give them what they want to see.

Relief does not come to me, it seems so,
that through motions of grief I must go.
Feeling pain so deep, feeling so low,
when it will stop, I do not know.

I feel changed down in my very core;
everything is feeling ever so sore.
I gave up on trying to keep score,
nothing seems to matter anymore.

All the things I used to want are gone
it used to matter, but now, so long.
Things do change and I was wrong
it seems after all, I'm not very strong.

It turns out that I am no longer the same
turning the tables on life's silly game.
I can't even say my mother's name
and there's no one in this world to blame.

Grief changes things, especially time,
as moments go slow or quick as a dime.
Wishing, thinking everything is fine
but really I'm drowning myself in wine.

I remember clearly the bright blue sky
as we played games of "Mother May I?"
And I always managed to forget to ask;
I was too excited to complete the task!

I remember clearly your smile and laugh
as we made our way through the path
to pick blueberries to turn into a treat
something sweet that we all liked to eat.

I remember clearly your warm embrace
on days I felt like life was a lot to take
you always listened with endless patience
to any ramble or rant of silly frustration

I remember clearly the proudest mother
three lovely kids, one after another.
I know I am strong, because you were, too.
I'll remember forever because I love you.

All my life I've tried to provide for others
I've kept trying to put people back together;
I ride the tide of their most stormy weather,
but I have yet to actually make anyone better.

I failed because I never knew where to begin.
I learned over time we must heal ourselves within
before helping broken people as a mission
but even that simple beginning, I can't win.

Shattered into pieces, I know not how many years,
only that I cannot remember a time without tears.
The struggle is more than real, it's all my fears
and there's total misunderstanding amongst peers.

All I ever wanted was to make another whole,
to reach out to someone and fix their broken soul.
It was foolish of me to try and it has taken a toll
leaving me empty, miserable and with no goal.

I don't think I can ever mend myself right,
I keep trying, but I never win the fight.
Every now and then I think I see the light
only to watch it dissipate into the night.

I stay awake thinking deeply about our world
and how I am merely but one broken girl
searching through waste, looking for a pearl
but whisked away in defeat as it whirls.

If I can't save myself, or anyone at all,
I'm not sure I'll ever be able to stand tall.
I will weep until the day I crumble and fall,
knowing I couldn't change a thing, nothing at all.

Shocked and appalled to discover the truth -
an adult man who’s always looking at youth;
admiring pictures of girls who are too young,
I feel like this man should be shot at or hung.

We all have preferences and to each their own,
but the law states a person must be full-grown
before you start creeping pics on your phone
otherwise it’s in jail your *** will be thrown.

These girls seem to have zero self-respect
or don’t think about gross men getting *****
at images of their various juvenile parts,
either way, these young girls have no smarts.

I’m sad to say, I thought I knew this man well,
only to discover that he is sickening as Hell.
I’m glad to say, though, that at least I’m aware,
because I’ll do all I can to stop it; I swear.