Uncertainty;
A nagging feeling in the pit of your belly
eating away at any remaining sanity
as you question everything constantly.

It is sweaty palms and legs that are shaky
short breaths from a chest closed tightly
as you live calamity after calamity.

It is fear of the unknown possibilities
that plague each day with negativity
as it eternally resides in me entirely;
uncertainty.

There are days my eyes open to a world of possibility
and days where my eyes remain shut to responsibility.

There are days where I'm confident in my infallibility,
but then come the days where I am filled with inability.

Some days I feel like I am the epitome of viability
only to experience a different day full of volatility.

Constantly, there are days that fill me with tranquility,
until the next day comes that's filled with hostility.

For certain, though, life is not know for its amenability,
but rather, life is known for all its desirability.

We’re all looking at the world through our own windows
getting personal prospective on the way the world goes.
See the obstacles that are meant to keep us on our toes,
some people react but most just watch, like TV shows.
We all have a choice when it comes to ending world woes
and sadly, too many people sit oblivious as trouble grows;
ignorant, in bliss, while the ever-growing **** storm blows.
People getting high while world tragedy reaches new lows
because being naïve cowards was the life they chose;
they’d rather shoot up and sleep on piles of ***** clothes
than step up and take action against all the world’s foes.
I’ve decided that it’s my time, and to start I must propose
that we come together, step out from hiding in shadows
and work diligently at determining what we must expose
and work endlessly to change the fact that people dispose
information on world issues that happen under our nose.
I'm going to react to my prospective to see how it goes
because I am **** tired of watching chaos from my windows.

You choose to ignore my invisible illness
or maybe you believe it doesn't control me,
But either way I'm betting ignorance is bliss,
because you choose not to understand me.

All I want are all the little things that matter,
like a surprise visit, a concerned call,
or an honest compliment that flatters,
because these things I value over all.

I do not want jewelry or material things,
as they do not ignite flames in my heart.
I am not a trophy wife looking for being,
but a compassionate being that wants spark.

I have expressed appreciate for so much
despite the sadness that is a part of me,
especially whenever I'm granted your touch,
because that's the kind of caring that has validity.

If you truly love the woman you're with,
I hope you decide to really understand
that all I need from you is a random kiss
and to feel the warmth of your hand.

Money, and all it can buy, is *******.
The important things are late night walks,
a calming voice when I'm having an anxiety fit,
and interesting deep conversation talks.

If you are hoping you could buy me off,
you are horrible mistaken, my dear.
So please, if you find me "too soft",
Then I'll ask that you steer clear

Hold on! Let me try to explain...these feelings, the mash of feelings brewing and disturbing my soul...
I can see it in my mind, as if I have been backed into a corner with no escape. No escape makes me feel panicked; claustrophobic. When you feel trapped with no way out, you start to fight. So now I am saying whatever it is I think I need to say to talk myself out of this corner. Begging, lying, and then fighting words. I will bring you down so that I may jump over your back and run, run so far. Instincts are beginning to overrun my mind, like a lack of oxygen causes difficulty to think, I'm nearly 100% fight or flight, with one option removed. I don't want to run from you, from us...I don't want to fight, either, but I fear that should I try to remain visually indifferent, that will result and far more chaos then I will cause when I stop biting my tongue from within my corner.

I tell you I need space. It fell from my mouth without me having thought it. That lack of oxygen as a fresh panic attack rolls in stops me from keeping calm and collected. Now voices are raised and arms are flailing in an attempt to visually explain how distressed we each are, we look like crazy italians. The battle is short before you decide to let me have my space, if that is so what I wish. And so you are gone. However, my feelings remain the exact same. There is no calm, no peace, or anything short of a need to run, or fight. I still feel backed into a corner.

I sat for quite some time reflecting on that, only to realize that I myself have backed me into a corner and made myself feel all these things, and tried to blame the one person who could save me from myself.

Doubt* is a slippery ****.
She starts between your legs;
she's that feeling in your gut.

She's whispered thoughts of negativity,
that run rampant in your mind
and cease your productivity.

Doubt will make your hands sweat
and your body shake with worry,
and she does not let you forget.

The gypsy ****** will cause your heart to race,
and chew away your confidence;
she completely invades your space.

I have tried to rid myself of doubt,
but again, she is a slippery ****,
and always comes back about.

If only I could remove her wicked curse,
and live without such anxiety,
but in reality, she only makes it worse.