And like that
my voice has been stolen away
Anxiety barricades like invisible steel walls
Trapped, I’m left banging with clenched fists
A prisoner within my own head
My brain a chemically imbalanced warden
My mind in solitary confinement

Do you remember the last day?
Not the one where our words left burns on flesh
But the one where our tentative apologies became the salve
Where forgiveness became possible
And our future was suddenly not set in stone
We stole pens and wrote our sins on sweat coated skin
Our truths sinking into every wrinkle and every fold we created
But in the morning you were gone
And in the bathroom I found a washcloth stained with ink.

He snarls, his lips curling over his teeth. “You’ve pushed away everyone who ever loved you away, and laughed.”

I focused on the dust motes floating between us, willing his words to hurt. Willing for them to sting.

Nothing.

It’s always been nothing.

“It’s a shame I never loved you then, isn’t it?”

Write
Simple,
I tell myself,
Write
Poetic,
I force myself,
Write
Beauty,
I convince myself,
Write
Imagery,
I encourage myself,
Write
with purpose,
I plead myself.

I found myself
driving down the road
with the wind blowing
cigarette smoke in my face

I found myself
in the passenger seat of her car
with the bass kicking louder
than the lyrics we screamed

I found myself
in the reflections of windows we passed
blurred by the downpour of rain
but not completely erased

I found myself
in her laughter and
my name passing through her lips
as if it were her song

I found myself
alone
her name floating through my mind
wondering where the hell it went wrong