Onetime I let a boy inside my ribcage

I warned him upon entry that the path to the     space     between my lungs was a oneway ticket

that I had never smoked a cigarette,
but the walls inside me were tar-filled  

and sick

that sometimes my heart failed to beat with my brain and instead fell into
perfect
uneven
synchrony with the faucet

where I threw-up cherry red the other night.

Onetime I let a boy with a knife inside my ribcage

and I had seen the knife

and I didn't care

he climbed inside me so gently
like he belonged there and was just taking his place

like a missing *****
he made me his home
reassembled my insides

vital pieces of me now resting on his body,
depending on his body

one hand on my heart

the other on my throat.

Onetime I let a boy with a knife and a bottle of bourbon live inside my ribcage

he cleaned the tar off the walls
but didn't cure the sickness

I think he liked the smell of it.

One night he carved his name everywhere

spine
clavicle
esophagus

and I pretended to sleep

cut
nick
slash

he tried to claim me
he tried to clean me

but lost souls can't be claimed
and I'll never be clean enough

my heart follows faucets
not boys

and that scared the boy

so one night he poured the bourbon down the throat he held

and I didn't stop him

and I almost drowned

gulp, gulp, gulp
slash, slash, slash

cursive illegible sorry's
over every spot he had once cut his name into

and he kissed the wounds
and I woke up heavy.

Organs are worthless without their host but

Onetime I watched a boy tear his way out of my ribcage.

Knife and empty bottle in his place,
nothing's been working right in there since.

I haven't let anyone in there since.

5 years on,
yet it still lingers in my mind.
that fateful night,
when i was engulfed by the flames,
and taken into the dark.

it started peacefully at first.
we were friends-- no
we were great friends
a powerful bond that could not be broken
but sadly,
that alone were the boundaries.

i started falling for you.
day by day
hour by hour
minute by minute,
it grew stronger.
an overwhelming feeling it was
what was it called again? oh right, love

after a year or so,
i finally confessed
even if the inevitable response will reach my ears
"i'm sorry but its better if we're just friends"
a smile crept on my face
as i wept inside.
but thats ok,
because you never seemed to have left my side
you were always there for me
a great friend indeed.

we'd always exchange smiles at each other
and sometimes, they'd last a second too long
and you would turn away to avoid it from being longer.
oh right you have a girlfriend
i guess it did hurt me but what could i do?
we were only just friends

but i ruined it.
that bond we used to share snapped in a split second
it was at that fateful night,
where i lost my path to you.

it has been 5 years
and i am sorry.
sorry for being such a nuisance you had to be "friends" with
sorry for loving you at the first place
sorry for making you feel so guilty for not loving me back
but please
at least
give me one last chance
one last time to be next to you
one last glance
a smile
a final burst of laughter with you
because even if this will just last for a short while,
at least
it gives me hope that we can be friends once again.

I wish I were the one
you wait for online.
The one who makes you
bite your thumb,
hyperventilate,
enter a state of bliss and fear
as soon as you see my name.
Instead, it's the other way around.

I feel butterflies in my stomach,
in my chest,
in my lungs,
threatening to make their way
out of my mouth,
to spill out and run out in the open.

My fingers are too frozen
to type out two letters,
let alone an entire sentence.
They are too preoccupied
covering my mouth
to stop me from screaming
when you send me a message.

"hey. :)"

And before I could stop it,
the first butterfly
flutters out of me.

You never use
the word "friend."
It's always
"peasant,"
"idiot,"
"*****"
with you.
You never want
to be touched,
yet you end up
groping me in
two distinct places.

One minute,
we're covering up our laughter
over something dumber
than ourselves.
The next minute,
you're stone-cold,
unreachable,
sharper than a knife,
a robot in a little girl's skin.

It hurts.
I want to break things off.
I desperately try to
cut off any connections,
but my stupid, stupid brain
pushes me back,
forcing me to crawl back to you
on my hands and knees,
the blisters and bruises still flowering
my palms and feet,
but I still keep running after you.

But you never notice.
You never care.
But I still wish,
*******, I still wish
that you would at least just
call me your friend.

Friendship is such a magical thing
It seems to be like everything

Just a little bit of ****
and a sprinkle of will

Would you let everything fall?
Even when each other goes for a call

But the real question is
"Are you gonna answer one another's call?"

Just a simple tip
Don't let it slip

If your tired eyes start to close
    and you can't seem to see clearly,
rest your weary head in the clouds
    floating, wandering overhead.
While you're up there in the sky,
    why don't you take a peek at the view?

Those people who thinks of themselves as the ultimate
Thinking that they are those who create

A world without even a single flaw
For they bark and scratch you with a claw

As if you're the most putrid human they've seen
As if this phase was a place they've never been

If I may remind you
You became a newbie once too

So don't talk to me as if
You became the GREATEST
In just a blink of an eye

It’s already midnight.* Go to sleep, dear.
   You have a brand new day ahead of you.
He’s already in his bed,
   dreaming of someone else.
Why are you still wide awake,
   quietly proclaiming your love for him?
The only person who can hear your confession
   is you, the lovestruck insomniac.

Never have I seen your purest smile
Nor see it shine

I don't know if it's just me
But I know I can see

Those eyes didn't glisten
Your lips have never widen

You always say that you're happy
But please stop pretending
Don't think of me so lowly
I can sense that you're lonely

It hurts to see you like this
But what else can I do?
You never wanted me to
Be that one who catches you

Up till now
I don't know how
I want you to show

The place i'd mend
To let you know that it's not the end

Just show me your broken pieces
I shall heal them with my kisses