The clock ticks
twice
And I know
ah, I've waited too long again

The clock ticks
thrice
The air feels cold
And all I can hear
is a tearing, breaking sound
Of a heart that hoped

For years, I've waited
For a chance to come
To hold your hand
And to call you mine
Every year I felt
Like I took another knife to my chest
But I never said anything
Because I secretly wished
That good things came
To those who waited

You see,
I always had this dark thought
That people who rushed making decisions
Would meet their doom
Just as fast as they took their chance

But more years came
And more knives I took

One year,
I saw my chance
You held it
Like it was yours
And I was very ecstatic
That no one but you held it
You grasped onto my chance
Like it was your life
Like it was the most precious thing in the world
Then, I decided not to take my precious chance
Away from you
I decided to wait for you
To offer it to me
Because that would've felt better

I decided to wait for you
To finally hold my hand
And call me yours

I decided to wait

I subliminally agreed to myself, again
That good things came to those who waited

You continued on with your life
But you still kept my chance
I wanted you to give me my chance back
But you never did...

I watched my chance come and go
I watched you give my chance away
To someone else..
I watched as you crushed my heart
And I didn't say a word
Nor did I ever tell you
That I was hurt

I just watched you take a chance
but not on me..

And all I did
was wait..
...and watch

What was it that they said was so important?

They said
     That I had a choice
     That it was all up to me
     That, to them,
     I was the beauty queen
     and they were my kings

They told me
     To use my voice
     To never be deceived
     To never listen
          To all those people who treated me less than I deserved
          To all those people who thought they were better than I was
          To all my inner demons
          To those who gave me nothing but the worst

They told me
     Honey, I know you're good
     To me, you're *better that the best
     Everything you are speaks perfect
     You speak innocence
     Something so surprisingly rare
     An aberrant everyone wants to consume
          as food for their tainted souls
    
     And I will be there
     When you come home beaten
     By whatever monster you've faced
  
     I will be there

But then they said
    You've got to pick this and that
     exactly those two and in exactly that order
     No questions, you just have to
     Some decisions in your life
     are just not made by you
     And, Honey, you can't ***** this up
     This is important and it's going to help you
    In the near future

Naturally, I got confused
Who can actually be trusted with words?
Which part of this generation
Do we get
Where we can actually
get to speak for ourselves?

And I said
     So?
     Who cares if she's better
          you told me I'm the best
           and that's good enough for me
     Who cares if it isn't fair?
          you told me I was still the winner
          and that made it all the more worthwhile
     Who cares if I'm silly and even downright insane
          you'll love me anyway, right?
     Who the heck cares if I ***** up,
          tumble and fall
          or just come crumbling down

I was built and loved
      enough to stand up on my knees using my own two hands
      eventually, I'll be on my feet
      ready to fight again
And you know what?
    **I'm **** proud of that

I want you to think of me as a canvas
I want you to paint me
     with every single technique you know of
I want you to make me feel every stroke
And I want you to make me beg for more.

I've always wondered
What could have happened if I stayed?
Sometimes I imagine
That maybe the life I always wanted
Was a life where I'd always be snuggled in your embrace
I wonder what could have happened if I turned around
If I'd made that one last glance back at you
Before fully walking out of the life we had
In every hour, in every second of everyday
I'd vividly visualize what emotion your face would've given me
And each time I do, all the feelings come back
I feel your warmth like a fire long extinguished
And I freeze to the brink of death
Frozen, but not enough to die
Certainly not enough to live
And so,
Cruelly, to satisfy myself
I decided to accept your invitation to come over
I knocked on your door again
Thrice, like I always had
The sound my peaceful fist made knocking on your door
Made me think about all the times I heard you do the same on mine
It made me think how much I wanted to rush to the door, open it and smell your scent
It made me think about how much I want to see you
But then a stranger all dressed in white opened your door
He saw my sleepless eyes
And smiled at me
Like he knew who I was
And it made me think how much I regretted leaving
And painfully regretted coming back

call me crazy but i'm still in love with you

he called her a princess,
while she called him blind.