Count down begins
Will 3 walls of cement hold me
While the 4th only let's me ponder
On what's on the other side
Will the judges hammer
Find me innocent
To the slandering allegations
Or will I be trapped
Cage gerbil questioning my existence
Will I be free
To see my little girl
To talk to the best woman I've ever known
Feel the comfort of my own bed
Taste mom's home cooking
Smell the wild flowers
When I go 70 pass them
What will the outcome be
When the severity of it all
Is so overwhelming
You wonder what's the point of fighting
When all anyone sees
Is the tattoos and gauges
Criminal line up
Guilty before evidence denies
I'm the villian
Even if I was gone for the day

My heart grows weak
Mentality stronger
Knowing what I want
The consequences
Every decision brings
Bridges will burn
Staircases reach brick doorways
Life's a maze
Alternative routes
Backtracking a denied thought
Change
It's the thing we fear
Laughter at pain
Realizing the stupidity
In one action
Set free by another
One false move could be the last
But which ones
It's a dangerous game we play
Live love laugh cry regret
Dissolve when we close our eyes
Only thing they'll ever remember
Was the decisions
That changed you
Made you the person
You're still growing into
Toes to the water
Cannonballs just to live wild
What's the point of it all
Change is inevitable
But the memories
Are they worth it
Maybe if they're with the right one
Lessons are manufactured
Knowledge is implemented
Wisdom the reward
We offer the next generation

Ever growing agony
Twist and turns
Intestines sow themselves into
Weaving cobwebs in my stomach
Wrenching in despair
Knowing life is fleeting
The moments I was happiest
Torn paper documents
Shredded by lies
Little by little
I can feel death growing closer
Icy fingertips inching
Should I reach
Or pray my funeral doesn't see sunlight

No laughter
No pitter patter
Little feet running down halls
Playing tag
Counting to five
I feel the weight
Loneliness without her
Tsunami of sadness
Giggles with every tickle
Chuckles when Daddy dances dumbly
Peek-a-boo behind curtains
Hide and go seek
Jump startles when she's around the corner
Coloring crayons littering tile floors
Baby girl I can't wait
Finally be able to see you again
Tickle till you ***
Swing you around
Teach you to fly
Make you Mac and cheese
Chicken nuggies and peas
I miss you like crazy
Gentle hugs
Tiny hands wrapping around my neck
Blue eyes prettier than the ocean
When it kisses a bluer sky
Blowing kisses when I leave for work
Hating to say goodbye
Even if it's for 5 minutes
I miss you like crazy
High fives and E.T moments
Rocking you to sleep
Watching you grow with every passing second
I hate it has to be this way
Daddy's doing all he can
Just to make you smile
One more time
You'll never remember
I'll never remind you
A rough patch
We'll get through eventually
Even if it's not soon enough for me
I'll teach you the strength
To always keep moving forward
Leave no room for negativity
Till then
Star bright star light
I wish I may
I wish I might
Have this wish
I wish every night
For my little princess
To grow happy and healthy
Forever and always

Take me home
Take me home
It's the one place I can rest in peace
Turn off my phone
So many messages I wish I could just delete
Questioning my existence
Questioning my decisions
Burning down all the bridges
Dig a moat
Now I'm finished
Sorry don't want you to visit, no, no
One last pic and I'll be gone
Make it count
Put the flash on
Never really felt like I belonged
So I'll be on my way
And I won't be long
I'll be dead by dawn
I'll be dead by dawn
I'll be dead by dawn
I'll be dead by dawn

Scrolling through my texts
**** I left unread
Never tryna deal with it
There's bliss up in my ignorance
10 dope dealers
Ex want me to see her
Can't trust her
Don't believe her
Reply turn into a needle, yeah
Don't wanna do it again
Got **** I'm not tryna relive
Head ****** up and I'm sick
These old habits will **** me quick
Quicker than I can blink
Quicker than I can think
Lift me up
Don't want sink
Pour me up
I need a drink
What the **** do I do when sabotage is all I know?
Oh, I done dug myself my own grave in this hole, oh no, whoa
**** me slow, slow
Curtains close slow
****, I don't see what's the point of going on, no

She said she's engaged
She says she hates me
Knowing she's only one text away
Keeps my floating on clouds
Cotton fluffs she'll be the only one
To ever place me on
Even if she's married
Two kids and a house her own
She's the only other person
I'd die twice for
I'm like a kid in a candy shop
Knowing I could hear her voice again
Tape recordings in my head
Can finally become digital
Upgrading to a new hard drive
Even if it's only friends
I couldn't love her more now
Then I did 5 years ago
She's my ******
The only drug I'll ever be addicted to
The thump behind my heart
I couldn't tell you enough
Exactly what she means to me
I don't think this smile
Will ever leave my face again
Tag... we're both it
Now we can roll down emerald hills
Laughing and crying
Missing each other
A thing of the past
I'm here to stay
I'll be it forever
As long as she's the one I'm chasing
Cloud 9 surpassed
I'm floating on heavens chimney smoke
Even if she doesn't feel the same
I'm just glad I can say hi again

Crushing blows
Heavy lefts
2x4s to the face
Slandering my existence
Any response only fuel
To a raging inferno
I'm the insect caught
Between walls of red
Boiling my insides
Exoskeleton dissolving
Weighed down by the lack of oxygen
If you really felt that way
Why did you stay
I had no bearing on your life
My existence was only for the labor
My opinions a kiss on the wind
You simply ignored
My affection rejected
Was it wrong of me to hope for a better outcome
Thinking you'd see the potential
Our love was a joke
Comedy you entertained
Thank you for giving me sight
Realizing the toxicity of us
You'll always be a child
Tied to the apron strings
Never leaving room for anybody else
Now I feel the weight
Not from you no longer being mine
But from the lies you keep feeding
Blowing smoke into lungs already choking
You don't see it yet
Probably never will
But if you do
I'll pray you can forgive yourself
I never will
Weighed down by the longing
My daughter's smile missing
Her laughter the only faith
I had left in humanity
You robbed from me
I'll leave you well enough alone
Karma's a *****
Hope your ready for her wrath

I see it
Tiny fractals glistening
Microscopic yet radiant
Pillars of hope
Centimeters deep
Endless supply of warm
If only the sun never fell
I'd never have a worry in the world
But thanks to the moon
A kiss in the dark
Keeps me moving forward

Honestly it's never gotten me far
Its led me into dark allies
Black eyes and broken hearted
Honesty forgotten
Dead to this modern society
Baited traps set
People abusing you
Using lies to fill in the blank spaces
Falsified statements
Burying honest emotions
Funerals held for the living
Dead only mourned as a pawn
Honesty
Honestly the John Wilkes Booth
To my honest Abe

Restricted access
Refrained visits
Just another inmate
Lost in thought
Future endeavors questionable
Cardinal directions backwards
What am I without her
Fear set
Concrete on my soul
Maybe my path will awaken
Who I need to be
What I should do
Every God a prayer sent
Every star wished on
Her happiness and health
The only thing I yearn for
I'm left as a number
No longer a citizen
Criminal in their eyes
I let the darkest part of me
Get the better half

Popcorn
Pizza rolls
Ice tea
Kleenex
***** about to get real
Party of one
15 seasons
Rewatching it unfold
Netflix no chill
Just sad and lonely
With my homie
Special Agent Gibbs

My words vacant
Abandoned dictionary
Lost muse
Cardinal directions reversed polarity
Abyss open before me
Dead end on every highway
Weight of mammoths
Burdening broken shoulders
Does anybody have a cigarette

I find words choking my tongue
Puppeteer to my hands
Voices finally monotone
A sense of security
I've longed for
You'll never know
Neither will I for that matter
Exactly what it is you did to me
But its better then heroine
So thank you

I still hit the ditch
Sold my soul to a *****
Cursed by a witch
Death now a comforting itch

Im alone while holding safe hands
In an ocean of cannibals
Wishing they'd eat me
Instead of fattening me up

I used to wrestle
On my trampoline
I used to fly
On my swing set
I used to skateboard
In my driveway
I used to ride bmx
When I finished fixing the neighbors
I used to be an artist
When I was too bored to read a book
I wasnt always a poet
Just happened to die one

I’ve seen many fall
Watched even more
Rise to the occasion
Tackling oxygen deficiency
Then fall to the gusts
There are those
That died standing
Never a limb breaking
The surviving corpse
Of an era no longer in observation
Limbs still reaching
Clinging onto the faint hope
It’ll see the day
The children stop climbing
And start flying

You ever hear the story
Where everybody’s dream came true
Where life seemed to stand still
Happiness an infinite natural resource
Death could be cheated
Rock paper and scissors
An easy victory


Me either
Just wishful thinking

5’11” tall
2’6” wide
I’m a pillar of nothing
A faceless headstone
Moving around
Scouring the earth
For my final resting place
My grave lost
A hollow tomb
Unmarked
Waiting to be inscribed
With all the horrors of my misdeeds
The only good thing
To follow my soul
Will be the worms and grubs
As they hollow out my eyelids

Oceans of green
Only making waves
When the wind blows
Leaps of faith
As crickets jump at opportunities
Bullfrogs moaning for attention
Oaks stretching up and out
Touching their toes
As time puts another ring on
Imagination making shapes
Out of cotton-ball pillows
The world around me
Quiet and quaint
As long as I’m alone
Without the bickering voices
Of politicians and dramatics
Peace is never too far out of reach
It’s just a few steps past the wood line
Where man has yet to travel

I’m not eager to know you
Greet you on casual terms
I’d rather leave it all a mystery
Let life have its thrills
Even when I know
Your humor is limitless
So in my next life
Make me a blade of grass
Then I’ll be exactly as I am
Getting cut down
To grow again
Only to be ****** and **** on
Starve for deeper understanding
That I hold the earth together
Direct raindrops
So they never fall alone
Bend and conform
To the soles of your shoes
Always catching you when you fall
Leaving an encore on your arms
When you roll down a hill
Enjoying those childish memories
I just want you to know
In my next life
Make me no worse then I am
And no better
Seems I found my niche
Whatever I become

Lost for words yet again
1:24am still awake
Head filled with screams
Laughter following
Hounds on a fox hunt
Looking for a sign
Where the rabbit tracks start
Tumbleweeds rolling
Maybe if I keep listening
I’ll finally hear that poetic voice
The shy one
Only speaking when it’s had enough
When silence becomes its enemy
Provoking embers into flames
I’ll continue to jot down
Asking if it has anything to say
Alcohol anonymous meetings
Share your feelings
The reasons for your actions
Pass when you don’t feel like it
Somethings got to give
Please just say something to me
Anything
Even if it is
Another suicide note
We can’t carry out
Deaths not a fast food restaurant
We simply wait for a table

Is it his chiseled chest
Bulging biceps
His ability to run
His playful eyes
The way his chin grows hair
The way he laughs
His age perhaps
What makes a man
Is it his job
The way he makes money
His heart
The way he loves
Is it his inability to let you go
The way he makes you feel
What makes a man
When you learn his past
Maybe you’ll see the connection
That defining moment
That labeled him a man
I’ll await an answer
Because sometimes
I still feel like a scared little boy

My ancient blood boils
As wood pops
Embers sizzle
New fuel added
Burned pieces fall
I can witness lives
Be engulfed
As the flames build
Growing taller into the sky
Mixing smoke and clouds
Summoning my inner demons
To dance on fires tongue
The grey snow falling
Cascading blessings
My ancestors bestow
Strength to continue forward
Peace on withered cliffs
Fear to motivate progress
Sanity with every pass
Of the peace pipe
As the flames build
My woes become ash
My dreams embers
Waiting for the fuel
Of my own approval

Never budging
Reinforced
Constructed to hold your burdens
Yet here at my core
You’ll only see cracks
Strong and sturdy
Rebar and cement
Movement imminent
Can you feel the vibrations
The trembling
Of me growing weaker
But I am the foundation
Left in ruin rubble
From years of neglect
You so carelessly overlooked

Was I all along
Too blind to notice
Sanity a self illustration
Painted in the dark

I put this pen to paper
Blade to skin
Dig deep and find
Whatever lies beneath
Hidden emotions
Left on bloodied streets
Massacre of dreams
With torture written on bones
I wish I didn’t know this darkness
I’ve embraced and been consumed
Weak
Left feeding on zombies
Too dead to die
To alive to know what living is
One more time
I’d like the **** I say to make sense
The way I feel to be understood
If I don’t get it
Who the **** else will
One more time
I’d like to strike a match
Watch everything I’ve soaked in kerosine
Ignite into the inferno
That is my insanity
So everyone can witness
One more time
But I’m out of chances
Out of opportunities
Close the gates
This factory is out of business

A crowd slowly creeping in
Flocks of let loose nobody’s
Interested only in good times
Pretty woman
Sleek men
Beads cups potatoes and cabbage
Where every minute is a party
Thundering on every block
Horns of 18 wheelers
Floats lugged around
Marching bands of different calibers
Music weakening worries
Life couldn’t get better then that moment
For once a stranger is a neighbor
And what you don’t catch
Will surely be a laugh
As someone else gets pelted
Kisses from women having fun
Men try to loosen the ladies
Flowers for kisses
Dance moves from grandma
And without a doubt
The kiddos have more then enough to do
Throw me sumthin mista
Throw me sumthin sista
An echo of calls
Hungry for more fun

So small
Fragile cry’s
Laying cement in my chest
Look just like me
With your mothers eyes
But how could I have helped
An architect to perfection
Innocent and beautiful
Our little bundle of joy
How can I not enjoy
The changing of diapers
The constant feedings
Wake up room service
Midnight calls
6lbs 13oz
Only 20 inches long
And already a bigger boss
Then her mother
Speaking Morse code
On every cry
Still blowing my mind
Your a product of me
Finally giving my life a definition
I know happiness beyond bounds

One stick
An uneven *****
Loosen the noose
And forget you were a mother
4 little kids
Running around
Half naked
Too hungry to know
Our fingernails weren’t food
If bloods thicker then water
Why isn’t it thicker then the drugs
You filled your soul with
Drowning out the love you had for us
Smothering it deep
Into the forgotten half of your brain
I can’t unhate you
I’ll never forgive you
I leave you a permanent stain
On my darkened soul

A forgotten ramification
Brutal yet honest
10000 volts
40cc
Ready, aim, fire
Fill my veins with death
Challenge any god
If ever your blood soaks my hands
I ask for all three
Living without you
Would only be a waste of oxygen
So kiss me goodnight
I’ll hide you in my drawer
My sweet surrender
My half ounce of Mary Jane

I was asked for my price
Not for my soul
Not for any jobs
Neither for my heart
I was asked
How much
To rewind it all
Start over with the same knowledge
I know now
Would I do it all over
Could I
Would any amount be worth it
To forget the pain
Erase my mistakes
Say I’m sorry
A thousand times less
I couldn’t price it
Give me your best offer
A six pack of beer
Fifth of whiskey
Pound of ****
And a lifetime knowing
You always made the right decision
Sold
I would have done it just to forget

Now I lay you down to sleep
An endless archive of emotions
Finally ran dry
Bled For me my own sorrow
After 5 years
Unknown account of words
The only pen I’ve ever used
To write what I’ve felt
You knew me better then I did
Your knowledge leaked
Tears of black
Dancing between lines
I always feared I’d never fill
I lay you to rest today
So I’ll slide in this new cartridge
Yell clear
In the hopes your point is still sharp
Wish changing hearts was as easy

If you ever wondered
what happens in my mind
Where I drift
When my eyes glaze over
When I no longer reside
In this barren plain of existence
It’s a bit scary
Even for me
I strangle cats
Detach limbs from dogs
Mutilate humanity
Roast souls on open flames
Consume my own darkness
In the hope I’ll be able to brave it
The uncertainty of living
Finishing what I started
Giving up when it was necessary
Knowing when to stop lying to myself
I know I’m not happy
Yet I fake it till maybe it’ll go my way
I’m starting to resent it all
With myself at the top of that list
How can you love
When your entire existence
Was fueled by hate
How do you find happiness
When happiness is undefined
I know what happy moments are
But it’s only a temporary fix
With unpleasant side effects
Chasing and chasing
Playing cat and mouse
With silhouettes and laser pointers
There’s a target
But no chance in hell of obtaining
And even when I want to say it
I can’t
I’ll be interrogated
Asked what’s so unhappy about my life
Who do I hate
Why do I hate
It’s as simple as
My own emotional standing
Disregarded
Hate myself
For never measuring up
To invisible standards
Always being told No
Just accepting it
Because it’s all I’ve known
But what does one life mean
Even if my biggest accomplishment
Can’t even understand
Her father is dying before her
I hate myself mostly for that
Bringing her into a home
I don’t even consider a home
Nothing I built with my own hands
Slipping deeper into a depression
I don’t even want to admit to
I just play Happy
With a Resting ******* face
If my expression never changes
You can’t tell how I’m feeling
Even when I crack a smile
In the hopes you’ll keep walking
Stop talking to me
Sure your problems may be bigger
And this might sound
Like a useless person complaining
Pathetic in his own right
I wouldn’t even object
But what’s so wrong with wanting
Aiming to do something amazing
Even if you consider it stupid
Never given the opportunity
Just for once I’d love to hear
That sounds awesome so do it
It’s a small feat
For someone with smaller ambitions
As long as I can remember
I never wanted to live
But I’m not ready to die
I just accept that it’s coming
Ready for when it does
Won’t resist
Already wrote up a physical DNR
So here’s my emotional one
Call the time of death
Notify those that need organs
Leave the heart
It’s too broken to use
Donate what’s left
Maybe my final act
Will be what defines me
And bring happiness to someone else
Then I snap back to reality
Ask for you to repeat what you said
Because the amount of ******
In my head
Drowns out the sound of your voice

Me: I wonder if I should call
Voices: She won’t answer
Me: Should I text
Voices: She’ll never even open it
Me: Should I Snapchat
Voices: She’ll laugh at your desperation
Me: Did I lose her forever
Voices: As long as there is breath in her
Me: I’ve let her down too many times
Voices: The only reason she forgot you
Me: Still it’s her birthday
Voices: Give Up
Me: Why does it hurt even after so much time
Voices: Not enough time in this life or the next
Me: When does it end
Voices: when the director yells..


Pistol: CUT

She screams deja vu
From her curly hair
To her cerulean eyes
Drowning me in memories
I wonder when the waves
Will stop beating me
Against jagged rocks
Tooth and nail
Ripping at my sanity
Must I always miss
Those I loved
Remember only what I should have done
Instead of what I didn’t do

A star struck gaze
Across endless isles
Stocked with our favorite snacks
A brush of your fingers
Before we depart
A whisper of her perfume
Finding your senses
A shotgun stare
When you make too much noise
While the baby sleeps
Those simple moments
Where we whisper
Careful not to destroy them
Because they don’t come around often
Even when I forget to say
I love you
You know my heart
And where it lays
Eternally residing
In the trunk
At the foot of our bed
Where scrape book memories
Remind me of those simple moments

If ever I could tell you one more thing
Stare you in the face
Under every circumstance
No matter the consequences
I’d want you to know something
I’d call you my mistress
My missing sanity
That even though I kiss her
My mind wonders to you
As I hold her
I hold onto our memories
I’d tell you
I’m sorry
For giving up so soon
For not having faith
For accusing you
Of never loving me to begin with
I never had faith in myself
I never found joy
In the breathes that I took
Till I found you
Hiding under a rock
Scared of the world
And I couldn’t help but love you
I saw you as perfect
Smart to know the real danger
Cautious to never test the waters
But still I miss it
The no label relationship
The endless conversations
And I still never told you enough
How much I love you
The way you talked
The way you called me crazy
The way you infected me
With emotions I was scared of feeling
Not sure if what I was feeling
Would hurt you in the end
Even though I tried
Still feels like I could have done more
I could have sent flowers
Showed up unannounced
Swept you off your feet
Created a hallmark moment
I could have been the white knight
Gallantly swooping in
Just to be a ******
I could have made you smile more
Yet I let it go to waste
I allowed it to fall apart
And even as I love them
I love you still
You’re the constant pain in my chest
The empty feeling
I fill with concrete and ****
You’re my mistress
Even though I steal no kiss
You're probably in his arms
Smiling at him
The way I know
You would have smiled at me
Staring into his eyes
With a sense of security
But even as I love you
We can’t change what has happened
But if ever the chance arose
I’d tell you one more time
I still think of you
Always have
I miss you
Always will
I love you
In this life and the next

In the still of dew collecting
On dying leaves lips
Falling
Chasing after the love
In each drops nutrition
Frogs sing their hollowed ballad
Pierce of silence
As the old owl hoots
A warning to the racing of rodents
Open fields
Standing trees
Casting shadows
Darker than their origins
Silent as the scent of ******
Nocturnal
In the thirst for more
A shadow moves
Yet leaves still a corpse
Clinging to its cape
Whispering goodbyes to this realm
As it walks away
With a satisfied grin

I made a deal with the devil
Sold my soul
For a cheaper price
Just to finger bang
These *** backward emotions
Out of existence
All I have to do
Is sign the dotted line
The deal is done
My soul is his
All for the knowledge
That she smiles
One more time before I go

When I wasn’t scared
Unafraid of what tomorrow held
When I didn’t care
Who cried who I left behind
Should have done it sooner
While I was young
When I was good enough for it
When nobody mattered
So many ways
I should have done it
Just walked away
Stepped of the deep end
Forgot the world above
Slept in chaos and hatred
Now the only thing I look forward to
Is the day she grows up
And tells me she loves me
For never following through with it

An empty home
A hollow threshold
A vacant hearth
A stepping stone
A missing person
I’m a father
That’s at least what I tell myself
Just to make it through the day
Friend to only the shadows
The realistic version of them
What am I to you
Another broken smile
A desolate soul
Lost to my own sanity
Barely grasping insanity
Another shadow crossing the floor
A whisper buried under bedrock
A catalyst of dark emotions
Crawling under a single layer
Of skin people thought were stone
The only thing saving me
Is too small to realize
Her existence is the fuel to mine
I wonder what I am to you
A doll to be toyed with
A guardian to hide behind
I wish I knew
So telling you I love you
Would be easier
I wouldn’t doubt the response
My voice carries no weight
Emotions in ICU
Waiting for you to care
Yet I’m barely a footnote
Have I let my hope for love
My desire to never be alone
Consume my faith as a man
I’ve always believed
Actions spoke louder then words
Every action you take
Pushes me to a different ledge
Threatening her happiness
I try to hold on
To memories yet not made
In hopes I’ll be able to make them
Yet this coffin I live in
Carved on every inch
“No” in repetition
How is my life suppose to measure up
When I’ve been smothered out
How can my death be beautiful
When I’ve never lived
What am I to you
What am I suppose to do
How do I do it
Without hurting the one I love
How do I leave her
Without missing a moment
Without leaving a scar
While still being able to say
I love you and mean it
How do I explain my life
How do I value it
Can I even call it worth anything
I’ve hurt many before
Regretted every moment
Begged for salvation
Prayed for answers
Whispered sweet nothings
To a cloaked figure
Yet all I ever find is more questions
Masked in more depression
So I ask again
What am I to you

Tag your it
Hey
Four days later
Tag now your it
Hey
A year goes by
Tag
I miss you
A month slips by
Where did we go wrong
From hourly messages
To random replies
Few hour conversations
Random philosophies
Sharing stupid little funnies
Hoping our jokes would chisel a smile
From the same path
Torn in different directions
Tag your it
I really miss you
I shouldn’t have let you go
I made excuses for myself
When my own problems
Got the best of me
There was a level of distrust
Etched into us from the beginning
Why did distance have to be the issue
Tag
I don’t know why
Your stuck in my head
Never touched
Never kissed
Yet I was always blessed
When your voice was the last thing
Whispering sweet dreams
Before we said goodnight
Tag
Always finding myself
Stuck asking questions
Hoping someone will give me answers
Yet I’m the only one asked
And the only researcher looking for clues
As I pass time flipping through pages
Scrapbooks filed in my head
Your voice still an echo
I have conversations with
When I’m lost in a daydream
Wishing this game of tag we play
Wasn’t the only way I could keep you
Forever in my life
Tag your it
Maybe now I’ll either find closure
Or find another step into insanity

Staring into your eyes
Lost amongst the waves
Ocean of emotions pure
Searching for words
You can treasure
Wisdom from my exploits
Lessons I’d rather teach
Then taught alone
Yet I leave pages blank
Lines empty awaiting a thought
But if ever I leave you
Hold these words true
Your chapter starts and ends with you
So enjoy the little things
You’ll remember those moments
Far longer then any memory

I’d tell you the pain
At any funeral
Was the suttle reminder
To love those closest to you
I’d tell you
She cries too
Her only shoulder to lean on
Was the faith you had
If I were best friends with god
I’d give you hints of who she was
How vast her love is
I’d tell you you’re never alone
Through every shadow
She could still see you
Your own light shining
If only you would pull the shade
If I were best friends with god
I’d tell you why we were created
How everybody needs a friend
Someone to love
To be loved by
I’d tell you her only power
Was making love
If I were best friends with god
I wouldn’t have to think
About a future without me
Never finishing watching
My kids grow
I’d tell you heaven was real
I’d describe it in vivid detail
How instead of gold gates
It’s only cobblestone walkways
White picket fence
And a light on the porch
In case you arrived at dark
If I were best friends with god
I’d tell you how she smiles
When her temper tantrums
Leave ruined lives
Holding each other’s hands
I’d tell you she’s just like a child
Cute and innocent
Wild and fierce
Out for attention
Hoping you’ll find her message
Somewhere amongst the chaos
If I were best friends with god
I’d have a few more answers
Sadly I know no god
Only the moments I cherish
As I fill my own life
With the laughter of friends and family
And maybe when I’m done having fun
I’ll have a cup of tea
And start a friendship
With whatever’s on the other side