I forgot what you smelled like
The way your perfume
Followed like a shadow
Engulfing rooms
Fields of random flowers
Blossoming in my nose

I forgot what you looked like
Long hair covering sparkling eyes
Trying to hide the beauty
That keeps breaking your heart
Only finding comfort in buttered hands

I forgot what you taste like
Gentle lips dressed with cherry lip balm
Slipping away
Every time I immerse myself in memory
I wonder what you taste like now
A million miles away

I forgot how you felt
Soft skin of silken desire
Gentle not to hold you too tight
Fragile frame I towered over
You were a perfect sculpture
I couldn’t hold on to forever

I forgot what you sound like
A recipe of lullaby’s and similes
Sass, humor, life flowing in harmony
Your giggle precious as angel choirs
Voice of piercing softness
Silencing demons for only the hours we talked

I forgot what it was like
To remember everything about you
And now my memory fades to black
A silhouette remains
Maybe I’ll see you again
In this life or the next
To refresh my lost senses

On what I should do
How to prepare
The excitement
The fear
The thoughts running a muck
Am I ready
Will I be great
Maybe good
Or like my father
Chasing his dreams
Going farther away from home
Will I see him or her grow
Will I watch as he or she
Surpasses the legacy I left myself
Will I be able to teach them
All of life’s lessons
Or the important ones
Before my coffin is hammered shut
Thoughts thoughts
And your almost here little one
Can I build you a home
Before I hold your hand
Will I have been good enough
Of a father, friend, or fortress
To ensure you are ready
For the life we gave you
To survive the world we were given

Plastic emotions
Wooden heart
Deserted vines
That pulse dust
Only when the world decides to change
A new hat
New glasses
Everything about you screams fake
Change your name
Get forgotten
Headless corpses
You just want to be real
Know why it is your tears
Evaporate before they show
You want to love her
The way she deserved
You see her cry
You want to reach for her
Hold her
Let her feel warmth
From your cold shell
She is your heaven
Yet you fall short
From ever tasting
What reality is
Trapped in a world you hate
Rejected by fate
Discarded when she grows up
You’re Pinocchio without a wish
To come true

We lost ourselves
Somewhere in the sands of time
We lost sight
Forgot where we were
Who was there and why
I waited on every reply
Every word you wrote
Crack addict wishing for another dose
Withdrawals 10 times over
You were my best friend
All I wanted
All I could need
Therapist to self inflicted scars
Motivator of my soul
Yet you stripped it from me
When you said goodbye
We lost each other
And neither one bled more
Then the emotions that blossomed
Still in bloom
On sunny days
When I read your words again

Took too long
Clearing my head
Uncertainties clouding
Insecurities piling
Am I good enough
Does your dad like me enough
Do I stand before him a man
Or a coward not sure
If I’ll be able to handle it
Supporting no longer just me
Barely managing my own chaos
Yet your eyes cut through me
Diamonds to glass
You saw a man
That could walk with you
Through hell and high water
A man worthy of your love
I never saw that’s what I became
But I know what I feel
Happy in your arms
Safe in your heart
Rich in your love
That’s why I have to lay claim
To your precious hand
And ask you to marry me
A question I never thought
Would make me happier
When it was answered

Step up to this mic
Clear my throat
I'll start this off
A glare into souls
That will learn this lesson
Maybe before me
Or a lot harder then I did
I'm sorry
Not the average everyday apology
Truly, Honestly, Sincerely
I'm sorry Mom
For not listening to you
When you begged me to stay young
Keep my innocence about me
Hidden from the reality
It's no prison
It's a violent sanctuary
Love is given never seen
Stupid syllables of anger
Annoyed by not knowing
How to explain who I am
I'm sorry
No heap of *******, get me out of trouble sorry
Truly, Honest;y, Sincerely
I'm sorry Dad
For being a burden
Asking for the world
Not knowing the cost
Hating you when you left
Gone off to work
Too tired to play
Stealing your liquor
Just in the hope to be half the man I saw you as
I'm sorry
No board game in the middle of a hurricane
Just to pass the time
Truly, Honestly, Sincerely
I'm sorry all my ex's
For cheating, for stealing your time
Your love, Your hate, Your perfection
For giving you reasons to do the same
Fighting with poetry
Hoping metaphors healed faster
Then blades dug
I'm sorry
Truly, Honestly, Sincerely
I apologize
I don't need forgiveness
Don't mistake this as a plee
I wish only you know
I apologize for my mistakes
For my short comings
For over doing it
For being an ***
Making one of myself
And forcing you to watch
I regret most
Care for less
Respect you all
Because it shaped the man I will be
Thank you

To pull you close
Then even closer
Lean in and wait
Gazing into your confusion
What's happening
So close
So warm
Tingles running races
Was it right
To make me fall in love with you

If you saw me
Dancing on the edge
Of the tallest building
Would you cry
Would you scream
Would you laugh
The thought of one slip
And I'll be no more than a puddle
Condensed tissue and bone
An image of hog feed
Laying in the street
Does it terrify you
Perhaps a thrill
A tingle up each leg
A chill down your spine
But maybe that pattern I make
Will write paragraphs
Using sidewalks as paper guides
Making my last thoughts of you
Explode on the asphalt
The way they ravage my cranium walls

Tears of joy

Mid autumn embers

My heart extinguished

By ocean blue eyes

Our sunset love

A beauty to remember

Never dying when we close

The windows to our souls

Forever resting side by side

Eternal lovers in every life to come

We fight them
Our broken homes
Our broken parents
Our brokeness
In the hope we'll find the love
We believe we don't deserve
We argue with them
Those sworn to protect us
We cuss them out of anger
We think they don't understand
But they know
Those shoes you wear now
Are merely hand me downs
We all walked through flames
Dancing on the edge of the abyss
Carve valleys into our wrists
Try to hide bandages under skirts
We doubt the love we are given
We hope for the best
Hating the reality
Escape on the buzz
Enjoy the fuzz of life
Distort our own reality
Thinking your pain
Wasn't another's at another time
In another life
Our own self esteem
Our greatest enemy
Our worst weakness
Our inner strength
Some let go on these monkey bars
Rusted edges digging too deep
In the right direction
You're never alone
You deserve more then what you think
So don't doubt the love
You never deserve
Know the love you are given

Dear diary...
Scratch that.
I'm a grown man
Lived by the cross
Saw only sins
On this hooded streets
Bat caves of corpses
Under every bridge
Leading out of this joint
How do you get out
When your a prisoner
Serving 50 years on the streets
You become institutionalized
Watching young bloods
Becoming trees lush with potential
Get cut down by lumberjack uzis
Lost my wife and son
Drive by in the night sky
Shooting stars piercing her belly
Never even got to see his face
Didn't get the chance
To show him how to be a real man
Ten times better then his pops
Couldnt watch him grow up
How is that fair
Refused to marry again
What's the use
When bloodlines go extinct
Dinosaurs like me
Are a rare breed
Makes you wonder
What an old man rocking in his chair
Did to earn his freedom
I sold lies
Buried secrets in skulls
Then let them sink
So the fish can taste the filth of humanity
My name was Jesus.
No Christ but never was close
Confessed only once
But that was to a bottle
Popped so many pills
Almost saw hell
You learn something along the way
Death ain't the answer
Violence and warfare
Become the only thing we know
I wish I would have stayed in school
Thought I was cool
Smoking herbs and chasing tail
Reality caught up
When my homie took sail
Drug deal gone wrong
Still pour a shot for him
Everytime I play our favorite song
All I have left is a reflection
Too broken to understand
Why the good lord hasn't taken me

Thought I'd never hear it
Much alone read it
Missed
It's a feeling I get when I look in a mirror
I missed you
My other half
A reflection only subtly different
Then what I know to be me
But neither of us can do it
Both afraid
To just say hey
Maybe love wasn't the season
But a friendship
Was the ship we were to sail
Yet we rotted every board
Before we built our own Black Pearl

Not by a minute
Not by an hour
Nor a month or year
But by a second
We said sorry too late
Should have been the first thing
Before I said I love you
Before we poured our hearts out
Toasted to the *******
Drank our emotions
Drunk on each other's words
Finding comfort even if it was a myth
For a second at least
But it was too late
We already said hello
We already knew each other
Before our hearts skipped a beat
Well...at least mine
Danced over satellite signals
Sent smiles father then expected
But it was too late
Our fate was sealed
Sorry had no worth
Apologies only seemed pointless
Guilt was another fable
Yet I would have been all twelve
Knights of the round table
Had you asked
If only we were strangers again
I'd say it first
Before it lost all meaning
Before we knew what it was
To say it over and over
Curled up in corners
Rocking ourselves to sleep
Hoping we didn't write our nightmares
While they wrote our reality
If only hitting the backspace
Was permanent without a doubt
I'd have turned it black and blue
It's just too late
We lost each other before ourselves

I whisper lines in dark nights
Hoping one will stick on my tongue
So I can give you another shot
Every word another cc
Every syllable another mg
I want you to choke on them
I want foam to line your mouth
You don't know what you did to me
Forced my hand
Said love was an irrelevance
No place for me in an empty castle
That I wanted to call home
But homeless was what you left me
Now I'll leave you an addict
Waiting on every word
Hoping the next one you'll overdose on
Guess some stories aren't meant to be written
Even though I tried to write ours
Every ending was seen a mile away
All because I wasn't the drug you needed
But a distraction...

On your mark
Get set
Go!
One foot in front of the other
How many years could I stay in front
How long could I stay first
In this foot race with death
Chasing breathes
Wanting to slow down
But either way
It seemed death stayed ahead
Got a tattoo to remind myself
Death will always win
I'm just taking detours
Visiting villages of my memories
I'm racing through my own life
And these seven seconds
Brought more joy then all my life held
Through all the sorrow
I still saw smiling faces calling me
Into an oblivion
Waiting to face my guilt and shame

Every time I think if you
I want to play Russian roulette
Load every chamber
Punch the **** out of the trigger
I want your memories
Hunted out of my head
I want a noose on every voice
Your name slips
They all die
I'll have firing squads on standby
These flashbacks only bring gunplay
It's bad enough your blood rubs through me
But I'll chase your existence
With shovels and pistols
I'll mine these veins
All your cobblestone tainting
All my wealth buried
When you come around
I'll have plenty to erase you
Not even an idea of you will remain

Youre a walking simile
Comparing you to the sun
A mere joke
Comparing you to the cosmos
Still not beautiful enough
A waterfall stretching out to horizon
As waves gently kiss the sky
Nothing compares
You're a deep metaphor
Understood by bodies
Felt in hearts
Rejected by minds
As ******* spread
How can you cause so much attraction
With only a sentence
You're the embodiment of poetry
Yet still defy the laws of human emotion
You tear our souls from flesh
Turn us into ink on paper dance floors
Youre a ***** secret
Naughty by nature
Loving embrace always on standby
Youre a mistress in the dark
A mystery hidden from the world
But someday I'll have to say goodbye
And you'll forget my name
In the pages of your soul

As I peer into their new homes
The very ones I create
I see they flail and wonder
How small did their world become
Not too different then my own mind
Captured and tossed into a bowl
Only inches bigger than me
Waiting for the hand that feeds me
To throw me down a drain
Limp and lifeless
This little aquarium mind of mine
Works on it's own
But always wanting to swim
A little farther than the glass

Maybe you'd be sadness
Crying tears too deep to comprehend
Ashes of your mourning
Leave winter freezing
If you were an emotion
Something says you'd be anger
Flurry of hands
An orchestra of left hooks
With a single right to play bass
If you were an emotion
Perhaps you would be happiness
A bundle of smiles
Still stroking the fires of life
How marvelous you would be
If you were an emotion
I'll place my bets on all of the above
And even then some
You're a whisper dancing on winds
Never knowing any outcome
But feeling life as it flows
If you were an emotion
I'd never be able to call you mine alone
But something still tells me
You'll always be in my heart

You bow to only one master
You're heavenless edge
Knows only blood and strife
You ravage wrinkled villages
Execute orphans that witnessed pained
You modern samurai
When does your blood lust end
When does leaving scars
Stop turning into ******
Another swing
Another wrist torn open
Another slash
Another **** on hips meant to hypnotize
Our youth can't survive 
Your homicidal tendencies
They only want to be shown love
Yet you tempt them with teeth bore
Stealing midnight kisses 
In shadows of their tears
Awakening only more fears
You modern samurai
Lay down your sword
It'll only bring you more pain
No need for armor
Lend me your burdens
Bury your worries 
Sheath your past
Walk into a future
One designed by your own hand
No need for acts of seppuku
This world holds too many sorrows
Hiding from this life
You'll never be able to face death
You modern Samurai
Hold steady your ways of honor and courage
But fight no more
Grow old and wise
Teach the young the way
Of a swordless Samurai

I'll be able to go back
To that beach
To that moment
Where life had meaning
My future had a value
Someday..
I'll feel the waves caress my skin
I'll taste the breeze
Chase shadow of every seagull
Witness that sunset in her eyes
someday huh
Every dreamer has to dream
Someday
I'll know why she called herself a mother
I'll know why she couldn't say no
Hopefully my hatred will die with her
All I know is I miss the things so far out of reach
I linger on those that bother me
Watch as everything crawls under my skin
I want to go back to that beach
Scratch my head
Ponder on everything familiar
Wonder about everything I'll learn

Ageless demons
Etched on the wrists of youth
Sorrow carved on thighs
Skirts growing longer
Depression erasing the sun in their smile
Time lost at the end of smoking barrels
Where did love end
That caused hatred to infect innocence
Insults added to injury
Injury no longer helping
Death seeming to solve temporary problems
Yet they still follow
Why do mouths scorned continue to move
While mourning tears cease to exist

Yes
No
Maybe
Would it be so
Could it be
Do bees sing
Elegant songs of sorrow
Perhaps motivation
Wrong
Right
****** would be poetry
Life wouldn't be death
All signs would point to somewhere
But nowhere at the same time
I'm making sense
Its your own sense
Nonsense
Be it may
A merry go round
Where one thing is two
But none in its own sense
Its rudimentary
But still elementary
Get it?

Dancing on silence
Fields of crimson
Let loose their timid wings
Feathers in the night sky
Pedals on the wind
Finding home on our bedroom floor

Keeping me awake at night
Tossing, turning, gears churning
Funerals filled with tears
Swimming pools of sorrow
Caskets carried away in the current
What would happen when I'm gone
Who will my kids become
Who will she marry after I'm gone
Does this life really end
Do I time travel every time I close my eyes
Will I open them come first light
Or will that dark void finally devour my soul
Did I ever exist when tomorrow comes
Guess thats my question
Is it the seconds before me I fear
Or the moments that I'll never enjoy
Scare me the most
Everything fades but why does it hurt so bad

If I had a magic hour glass
That could rewind the times
I'd relive the days of going to school
Back when I had a reason to socialize
When friends came in the call of your name
Across halls and thrown out on the gridiron
I would have enjoyed it more
Knowing then that things really do get better
I would have picked up my chin
Faced reality bc I was pretending
I was looking down on the earth
Watched my steps closely
Precatious of never letting them see me fall
Practiced ballet to be leary of pranksters feet
If I had a hour glass
I'd write to myself and say it was better
Even if it doesn't seem like it
Another breathe is worth breathing
When dreams are achieved
Instead of bought
I'd try to enjoy the friends I had
While they were around
Would have laughed more
But its the little things we forget to enjoy
We seem to regret

The drums beat
People screaming
Adrenaline rushing
"Throw Me Somethin Mista!!"
Beads, cups, candy
Raining goodies
Float after float
Drink after drink
A city where the party never ends
Voodoo blues growing bluer
Every mile I drive further away
Still feeling the spirit of New Orleans
Burning in my chest
The swamp trying to flow through
Archaic veins always yearning
A new thrill
Yet here the thrill never ceases
Trumpets, trombone, tuba, snare
A succession of bands
Mask, costumes, cheers, beers
Voodoo blues tempting my return

Carnitas on the pit
Oranges searing as they hit the grill
Carne asada marinating
Waiting to be sampled
Coronas add lime
A **** shot of jacks
Laughing kids running around
Saturday morning was meant
For memories like this
Searing their own grill marks on our brains
Trampoline backflips into pools
Picking a lemon off the tree
Charcoal growing white
Familiar goodbyes and laters
Maybe another time joy will reach
This house that never seems to smile

Silent whispers
Tortured screams
An existence far off into the unknown
Pictures played silhouette motions
3D pixelations of distorted memories
Taunting my eyes to rain
Haunting the child still in me
Petrified of putrid symphonies
Harmonized by the laughing decedance
Decaying ever so rapidly
Within these dreams

It sits there residing
Silently growing harder to ignore
The delicate decisions of my future
Should I continue working
Hours too long to count
Forgotten before they even began
Or rather an education
Degree built just for me
Which trade to begin
Journalism
Art
Gaming
Driving
Construction
Decisions decisions
Made never so easily
When your head is constantly itching
It's a merry-go-round
Chasing an itches shadow
But hey look at me
Money in my pocket
Probably no future
So why does she continue loving me
A has been poet
A wanna be artist
A not so good gamer
Accident prone driver
Failing painter
All I've ever done in life
Skate by with what I had
Never looking at what I could have
Yet this itch in the back of my head
Hazes my future
With questions causing ****** charges
As they stab me in the back
Closer and closer
Seclusion encompasses me
Overpowering burdens of juggling life
Why the **** didn't it come with a manual
But itches are itches
Not all remedies work
So I guess I'll do what works

I thought about this a lot lately
wondering if the world was big enough
maybe too small
for me to be worried about everything that goes on
Im a leaf on a decaying tree
wondering if i could fly on the next southern breeze
So you see it seems all i ever needed in my life was her
a future where i know everything is real
not a fantasy where I'm still stuck in the clouds
but every decision I've ever made
i dont regret it
i forgot the worries of not wanting to live
forgot the problems where my self esteem was determined
by whether or not the hottest girl in school
thought i was good looking or not
it was never about the amount of **** i smoked
the amount of drugs i have done
its always been about pursuing a happier life
and when your just about to give up
thats when it is guaranteed
a life worth living
a path finally opening
when dead end signs are thrown into your face
to whom it may concern
I'm sorry it took for ever for me to realize
that even as an athiest
I still have a place in a religious world
i put my faith in the power of will
so here i write one more time
Even as a demon
dreams become reality when you believe hard enough

even with her sitting next to me
even with the radio blaring
with the tv whispering
nothing ever makes this home
my parents house a hell hole even for the devil
made me crazy
drove so many to depression
its a chronic outbreak
catch quicker than aids
its never the same every time i come here
so why do i return
why do i stay
maybe i can reach out to even my father
that its time to set this hell house on fire
let the kerosene erupt the boards into ashes
let the screams of our familys curse
die in an echo of black smoke
in hell with nowhere to run
i wonder how long this house will continue
to destroy my family further

In my pocket
Old and wore out
A symbol of every color I felt
This old paint brush
Has seen miracles
Made many more
Revived old houses
Brought life to a dying kids eyes
As she watched her playhouse
Become healthier then her
This old paint brush
Painted a future for me
In every smile of every homeowner
Brought beauty where darkness resided
Yet I never tried to let it
Bring colors into my heart
Bristles are missing
Brass is dented and caked over
Handle barely holding on
But its my brush
My favorite brush
The only brush I'll ever use
Because its the brush
That painted more miracles
Then Jesus performed

Table clothed in razor blades and whips
Serrated edges and pointy objects
I wonder how long my victims can last
A slice to each ******
Lay on a bed of needles
Drill holes under each eyelid
Cut a whole in the back of their head
Skull **** them and watch as ***
Bleeds out through their nose
Cigarette burns cover one leg
While the other is dressed
With barbwire growing tighter
Stretch them till their toes snap off
I believe their dead
No
Alive
Rat in a bucket with a torch
How fast can this rat run through your intestines
Lets time it
Not fast enough
Perhaps this method of torture
Doesn't beat the one you put me through
But any form
Its still uncomfortable
That's how I killed the voices in my head

These gremlins are messing with me today
Siting on the ***
With a book to read
A video game on the phone
No toilet paper for me *******
I got the bathroom blues
I'm yelping for some helping
Getting nothing but a silence
Oh these bathroom blues
Got me bad

She has hair that flows
She has ***** big enough for my hands
She has an *** too big for her pants to contain
She has my heart
For the rest of our days
But I can't help feeling
Like she still deserves better
She doesn't deserve someone so dark
So hateful to this world
She doesn't deserve to know the chaos
Hiding under milometers of flesh
I love her with all my essence
With all that I was, will be, and to come
Maybe one day I'll be the man for her that she deserves
But for now I'll work harder then ever
To get to that point
I love you Alexis Lynn
Maybe this was my destiny
A sign from death that she wasn't ready for me
I'm at home wherever her heart lays

Its a war we wage with lips and tongues
Trying to always be the first to say hello
But you have to say goodbye
Somewhere in your life to say hello
I said goodbye to my addiction to cigarettes
You said goodbye to your feelings for her
He said goodbye to his life
Said hello to something better
Even if it was on the other side
We say goodbye to say hello
For every hello we say
Brings a smile to someone's face
Even if it hides under their skin

How many ways can I **** a man
A woman
Could I **** a child
How far would I need to be pushed
Do I even need a shovel
That's a nice truck for sale
Maybe I could run them over
Bicyclist hitch hiker
Maybe he could be my first
Gasoline need gas
Maybe I'll burn him at the stake
Maybe I'm a mistake
******* hate the commute to work
Not ever enough ****
Builders here
Put on smile
Get to work
Eat a sandwich
Go home to my ole lady

But its worth a shot
I miss you
I miss talking to my best friend
The very one I loved once
Should I even reach out to you
You'll never read this
So why not
I'll tell you now I was an *******
I tried to convince you
That you felt the same as me
But I need you now more than ever
I need advice
I need insanity
Its the only thing that made me me
You kept that alive in me
I still love you
But not the way I once did
I love you as a friend
I miss you till the end of days
You'll never read this
The you I know is gone

Over and over again
I hear the same thing from your mouth
All I want to do is silence it
Make age catch up to you sooner
Let the light fade from your eyes
Underneath my hands
I want to watch as I shatter the record you became
I'm tired of being your puppet
I'm not your kid
Even if I am dating your daughter
My life never had any worth to you before
I know what I'm doing
I'm making my life the way I want it
If its too far on the edge for you
STAY THE **** OUT OF MY RELATIONSHIP
Repeat...repeat...re..re...repeat
I'll pull the plug myself
If that's what will make you see
I'm not deserving of your daughter
But I'm what makes her happy
While you make me miserable
I know you think its all out of love
If ever I need your advice
I'll proudly give ask you for it
I'm not always right
But I like the risk of never being wrong
So let me grow up
Let your daughter grow up
Dont marry us just yet
She doesn't know the darkness creeping
Sitting silently being courteous
Not to rip your throat out
Please I beg you
Stop this madness
I'm going to walk
My insanity slowly slipping away
Sanity prevailing
Wanting to **** you
Trying desperately to keep you alive here
Step away take an absence
I'm being nice I'll put this warning on repeat
Step away take an absence
Step away take an absence
There's only one way id like to end this
And that's to live happily ever after with her

Heard an old blues band out front
Walking down the banks of the Mississippi
Made me think of you
"I lost my baby"
The old guitar playing its final tunes
"In fields of clovers"
I can see you now dancing
"Where did she go"
Happily smiling never wanting to stop twirling
"In the arms of another"
Gone. Ripped from a heart
To stubborn to admit its missing a beat
The old guitar stops
Old man looks out on the water
Whispers
"Made me think of you"
His last song was about a woman
Loved and lost
Because she didn't know her heart was true
He waited
59 years
Never came
Same song
Same guitar
Never tuned
Never good
But he waited at the same old bar
Hoping for one chance
To just say goodbye

I said she'll be fine without me
I thought he'll be fine if I wasn't around
But she ran off with a razor
Jagged edges and sharp exterior
Piercing smile with dig deeper eyes
And he found paradise floating
At the bottom of fire engulf seas
Thinking he was a pirate king
I thought they would be fine
I thought...
I thought....
......I thought.....
                          .......I......
Thought...
We had it perfect
A love a thousand miles long
But now that only seems like a walk
Compared to the wounds on your wrist
And the last thing you said to me
"I'm fine."
We had it made
Best friends till we died
Ride or die
**** or be killed
But alcohol took you
With an empty shell leaving your last thought
Painted clear to see on the wall behind you
"I'm fine."

We pay homage to pieces of paper
As sunsets carry us out
From altar to carriage
Honeymoon kisses seconds before
Our feet leave the ground
Off to Brazil, maybe China
Perhaps a little romance
In the streets of Italy
Maybe one day
Wedding bells will ring
But for now
Listen to the sounds of the birds
I always fly higher then them
When you whisper in my ears
Come here
Till holy matrimony
Your cherries wont be pick
Whoops guess I lied
Got to carried away
You got to wet
Teasing became full frontal assault
Clash of bodies
Already married without a proposal
Maybe this was just meant to be
From violent hearts
Psychotic hearts
Mailbox hearts
To offering you broken shells
All that remains of my nomad heart

Between these sheets of satin love
Violence breaks cherries
Serenity found in screams and moans
Yeah babe this is a *** poem
About how I'm going to take from you
The last of your innocence
As you put my demonic instincts on a leash
There will be blood
As if Jack the Ripper
Found his way between your legs
The pierced silence quivers as lips curve back
Hiding under your teeth
Moans rupture as hair gets pulled
*** cheeks spanked leaving clues
As to whom it was that made you a ******
Begging, pleading, praying for more
As the width of my **** grows
Pushing harder onto your ***** walls
The gravity defying length of its throbbing prowess
Plunging ten thousand leagues into your soul
The violent serenity of our *** life
Becomes a perfect portrait
We paint every night with the stains
Our love produces onto bed spreads
Needing to be burned after such defilement

It beeps and beeps
Letting me know I'm still alive
Heart pounding strong
Walking up hills and down valleys
Straight lines every now and again
I wonder if you can hear me
The silence of my tongue
Pulsating on the heart monitor
Trying to reassure you that I'll pull through
Beep...beep....beep
Its kind of funny
Robotics copying the sound of my heart
A hollow frame of metallic plating
With scared thoughts hiding on every pulse
I wonder what would happen
If I awoke from this vegetated state
And hugged you
If my brain would function again
And form a three word phrase
But the way the heart monitor is
Shows how slow my heart beats
Shows the seconds I no longer have with you
One more beep
I'll keep it going
Hoping to see your face once more
Hoping I can see joy fall from your eyes
I can't keep going
I hear you reading poems
Talking to both our parents
Trying to find peace as your world fades
I'm sorry I wasn't stronger
To keep myself alive longer
Maybe I can tell you I love you
With the way this heart monitor beats
Let me die, let it beat thrice, let you know
I'll be by your side
Even if there is no afterlife
But dying with your hand in mine
Is a better way then how the paramedics found me

Like Broadway
Only brighter
The actors are stars
And their scenes are on the coattails of comets
One star falls
Another reaching out
Preventing broken legs
On this midnight stage
Millions come out to play
Only few eager to watch
Maybe oneday the moon will smile
At the love I'll have
But for now
Its all a play
Entertainment for the next
An empty venue
Awaiting an audience
For this midnight play
Where catastrophe and beauty
Dance in perfect harmony

Its a long list of things I'd like to say
But none can match up
To the fact that we no longer talk
For reasons I dont care for
I was the only one with feelings
And you misguided me
Held my hand and lied to me
Told me you felt the same
But when push came to shove
Light bulbs went out
Breakers were turned off
And every square mile
Lost power in your heart
My idiocy led me to believe
It could still work
Candles I lite
Just to find my way to you
But nothing was enough
We waged war against each other
I fought to show you
Feelings can travel any distance
Its the effort of reaching
That's too much for you
It doesn't matter anymore
This will be my last poem to you
You're a weight on my mind
Wondering if you're ok
If work has been any better
If you still think of me
I want to say I dont care
In reality I would be lying
You drove me crazy for 3 years
Even when I couldn't talk to you
Or when I failed to keep a promise
I have done nothing but love you
And that was my fault
You'll probably tell I'm not to blame
Dont worry, I still have conversations
With your voice in my head
And sure that makes me sound insane
But we both already knew
That's what made me a better writer
If I could change anything
It would be the distance
That kept us apart for so long
Yet when finality of words comes
So to does my last I love you
I've written you a total of 8 letters
Each I burned
Because the phrase up in smoke
Applied for 3 years worth of love
Of tears you shed that I couldn't wipe away
Of lonely nights I couldn't get you through
Of restless days when the weight
Of everything took its toll
Maybe it really is best for a final goodbye
For one last poem
One last sign
That my feelings were true
But with every passing second
I realize everything was just a lie
You never really loved me
You had to love the idea of me
There's not much to love in me
Its all violence and chaos
Desolation within twisted compulsions
That always seem to throw me back
Into the lions den of emotions
Tabitha, I still have your number
Its written on every wall in my head
I memorized it so I wouldn't forget
That on the other line of that number
Was a voice repeating simple
You're crazy
And the way you tried to go ghetto
When you're as white as mayo
I really hope everything is at its best
I'm sure it got better with me gone
And I didn't forget your birthday
I just didn't want to bother you
I figure me gone
Makes a happier you
So its time for me to go


Sincerely,
                  Robert L. Guerrero