I tried to be that girl for you
Even though I didn't know what to do
Did everything I could to fit in
Even changed the friends I hung out with
But in the end, you broke my heart
Ripped me inside out, tore me apart
I cried for days and Oh, so many nights
My new friends dumped me, my old friends were right
I finally got over you, hung out with my friends
And you smiled at me, and then
The cycle started, but I changed some things
I hung out with my old friends and warily accepted your rings
My heart slowly started to love
Hell below to Heaven above
You shattered me to pieces, I couldn't be repaired
You went for that girl, the fair-haired
I cried again and this time, I knew
You couldn't love anyone, the way I loved you
I never dated boys and
Realized that love was a poison
It was something much of a mistake
Even vampires die, stabbed in the heart with a stake
Love is wrong
Love cannot belong

I no longer remember
the number of freckles on your shoulders
the shape and place of every mole.
I no longer remember
your lips in longing
or *** twice in one day.
I no longer remember
my soul
bound by nothing
lying awake alone
eyes closed tightly on an
ice cold January morning.

If you get sick at the thought of someone else touching me
**why are you touching someone else

Sometimes when people say things to me or text me I'll write down what I really want to say and then crumble it up and say something completely different because I know explaining how I truly feel opens a door of issues and that I no longer have the energy to deal with.

I would love you like an ocean. I would shift into a tidal wave for the shore of your hands. You would shape yourself into me like the sand does for the sea.

I would love you like a warm fire on a cold Sunday afternoon. I would warm your cold fingertips after a weary week. You would feel the wisps of my hair on your warm skin like the wisps of a comforting flame, and we would be at home.

I would open up your veins and set up shop inside each and every chamber of your heart. I would run my fingers along the lining of your soul and show you that you cannot stain my skin black, that I will not let you, that you are as much of a map as I am and that I will walk brave into the unknown and place my palm on the essence of you.

I would make myself a river basin for you. You could pour yourself into me and I would not send you back to the clouds. Let me be your anchor, let me pull you down into the embrace of my arms, let me calm you down and kiss you into a fervor and make you a home in the fresh white skin of my scars.

I would love you with so much force and equally as much softness. Just let me.

if you can hold her hand
without feeling torn at the idea that
one day, you may never feel its warmth again,
then you are not in love with her

do not keep muttering worn-out
i-love-you's
under your breath
just to fill the empty spaces in the air
even if they no longer beat with passion,
do not try to explain the thousands of reasons
why you love her
if you don't

because if you can live with the thought
of her name being engraved in
someone else's mind,
her fingers running through someone else's hair,
the thought of those beautiful words
whispered into lips that don't belong to you
then you have never loved her, even for a second

and the bitter fragments
of the love she gave away
were never worthy to
belong to you

Perception is something of wonder.
      I see black and she sees pink.
                                 She feels warm and I feel empty.
Not necessarily opposite.                                            
                                                 Not necessarily similar.
An offset of brainwaves and past events.
      Might as well be fire and skin.
                    Might as well be the start to my half way.
Because life is not different.
                                                  Because life is not close.
Perception is a thing of infinity.
And there is nothing to do about it.

You ever have those days when you'd rather take the long way home?
With headphones on
Ignoring your heart beat
Trying not to crack like promises and iphone screens...
Well honestly,
You ripped the spine off of my notebook paper skeleton and crumpled it into the shape of your fists until it was nothing but a broken haiku:

What is love without
Lighting matches in the dark
Drenched in gasoline

You wear the whites of your eyes like flags when we touch
Like giving up is an option
And I'm trying to rewind the cassette tape memories to the beginning when smiles decorated our faces and I didn't know your full name or that you love orange juice and comic books
We're just kids in love with following fault lines to their breaking points and drawing assumptions on sidewalks while it rains. Raised on etch a sketch commitments that fade when shaken
We have no connection to the word 'stay'
**** the Christmas lights in your eyes, they don't stay up all year like I had hoped and I wore red lipstick to stop myself from kissing you and you stopped gelling your hair back like permission for me to massage your aching head, knead out any leftover thoughts of 'slow down'
But that was centuries ago and by centuries I mean lifetimes ago and maybe our souls have agreed to meet in some silent studio where you paint me abstract on subservient canvases and you'd feel like Salvador Dali as you melt clocks on my wrist to leave our moments up for interpretation...
We will not touch again, we had our last hug and the bass of our pulse has weakened so the memories don't keep us up at night
They have become elevator music in the back of our minds because we don't want to forget the sound of 'I love you'
Like astronomers falling in love with a blank sky, darling, it's in our nature to chase after the stars that chase after the moon that chases after the sun that chases after the world that chases after this idea of love.
Lets fold our empty spaces into intricate origami haikus like...

We ran out of glue
Stationary paper cranes
We burn down in flames

I wish I could say that the sun stopped rising.
I wish I could say that the moon stopped shining,
And the stars collapsed one by one.

I wish I could say the ocean and the rivers ran dry,
And the mountains fell to the ground.
I wish I could say the sky lost it's blue and turned into blood red,
And all of humanity fell to it's knees.

I wish I could simply say: "The world ended,"
But it didn't.

The day you left,
Everyone was still alive,
And went about their daily lives.  
The sky was still the same baby blue color in the morning,
And the mountains still stood strong.

The oceans and the rivers still flowed with water,
And the stars painted the night sky.
The moon still shined with pride,
And the sun rose again.

The sun rose again,
And so will I.