Staring at you, you look like the rest of my life, in one body.

I hate the rain because it's only enough to get my feet wet, and not enough to let me drown.

I used to think you were my safety net, that if I fell you'd be there to catch me.

Now, I've realized you were just a brick wall that when I fell I crashed into it like a wrecking ball and you weren't there to build me again

You think you know someone till thier life is put to the test.
They shrink like a coward,
They hide behind every wall or corner they can find.
While you stand there,
Taking every bullet to the chest.

You just wanted someone to *******.

Why did you hurt me? Why did you break every piece of my heart? I loved you with everything and you shattered me. I tore down my walls for you and you left me in ruins.
I have cried rivers and I have climbed mountains for you and I used to love the view when you get to the top but now all I can think is why don't I just jump?

You broke me. Completely shattering every piece of my well being. Tearing apart my insides like a game you love to play.

Staring into his eyes I was kissing the devil in the pale moonlight.

My body is starting to decay without you

I crave the attention but I won't admit it

I will never get tired of you calling me beautiful, or moving the hair from my face or the way you grab the back of my neck when you want to kiss me and hold me in place. I will never grow old of you saying Im adorable, or the way you smile at me when you think I'm not looking. I won't get bored of your dance moves or the way you sing. The way you laugh at my jokes even when they aren't funny, or the way you stare at me like you are searching for my soul. I will never grow tired of you

I used to love the sound of your voice now it screams in my head and my ears are bleeding

"And with my last shaking breath I'd ask you why."

I promised you that I would follow you into the dark, but I never knew that the darkness was buried deep inside your chest

i am a ******* mess

i am a ******* mess

i am a ******* mess

i am a ******* mess

Lust is such a powerful drug
In seconds you can become so addicted
You don't even begin to realize you are an addict
Just craving lust

There are so many eyes in the world and I can only see yours

It's just a blank slate, take it and run my dear.


Because these only come once in a lifetime,


make no mistake. This is your blank slate.

Will you still hold me when my body goes numb and I can't even feel my own heart beat, let alone yours?

We've spent many lives loving the same people we love in this lifetime. We will love then in the next, our hearts will shatter by the same man, just a different face. In this life, and in the life before this, we all fall in love with the same person.

I'm in love with the thought of being in love, and which love in itself is a completely different form of love in someone or something. Love is a concept that can be created as a chemical, so understanding the balances of love is understanding being in love. Be in love with your thoughts of conception because I'm in love with mine.

Maybe it's the sound of your name that brings me to my knees
But maybe its my lungs telling me to breathe

This world is crumbling down
And I'm left in the middle of the rubble.

I hate the person I used to be, I hate the person I've become.

Dear Trevor Matthew May,

One day far from now, you'll look back on this. You might read it once and shove it in the top right drawer of your desk, or you might re-read every single line till you have it memorized. Maybe you'll take a quick glance at it and blur all the words together to make just one black shadow on the paper. At least it will make you think of me...

Once i told you, that the moon makes me think of you. I remember when i thought that. I was sitting on my back porch smoking a cigarette with Lewis Watson "sink or swim" playing in the background. Which we decided that was our song. The moon was just a sliver through the evergreen trees. And thats how i saw you. Even the slightest part of you was so bright that it shined through evergreen trees and warmed my cold heart. Your heat has spread through me like wildfire and there's not much ice left in my body.

I know that your sneezes come in pairs, when one comes, there's always another. I know that you crinkle your nose every few minutes and that your mouth twitches into a small curve when i whisper your name. I know where your sensitive spot is, right below your belt. I glide my hand along your happy trail and your body wriggles and squirms then you burst out in laughter as i hold your face a kiss you till your still.

I used to think that life was this huge ball made of glass that i could throw at the wall and watch it shatter. I used to think that it was all pointless and that nothing lasted forever and it would soon be over. I remember holding death in the palm of my hand. Just a few simple pills that could end everything. As they were starring back at me i realized i couldn't leave, not just yet. I needed to stay, not for myself but for the people around me. I thought that maybe no one would care if i was gone, and maybe they still wont. But i couldn't take the risk. People say suicide is selfish but people don't understand the thoughts running through a suicidal persons mind.

Your eyes are brown with hidden specks of gold flakes in them, they shine golden on a sunny day with the lights just right. I think i fell in love with your eyes because theres this quote from a book that i hold dearly to my heart, "as dawn goes down today, nothing gold can stay." Your eyes remind me of that because some days your eyes are gold and others they're this dark gloomy brown thats warm and comforting. Nothing golden can stay just like the flakes in your eyes or the sun, it always dies for the moon.

I saw you in a crowded room full of people everyday for a year. Sitting in the same classroom, barely knowing each other. I saw your curly brown hair and your smile when you laughed, i noticed the way you move your hands and the way your eyes shifted to mine, everyday i saw you, barely able to say your name. Anxiety was a prison back then, who would have known you would be the one that i fell in love with.

There are moments when i doubt that you love me, there are times when i feel to ahead of myself and i know I'm not ready. But there's never a dull moment with you, its always something and thats when i know i love you. I remember the first time we "tried" to make love to one another. It was a complete disaster, we laughed and giggled at the way out bodies lined up, and your chin hit my forehead and then you'd kiss it to make it feel better, or when we would laugh so hard our belly ached we we kissed and our lips made the **** like sound.

But i remember the time we did make love, i could feel you, every single part of you. Buried deep inside me, i felt you. I felt us, just one being, one person. I remember crying afterwards because im emotional and i cant handle big things or change. I remember you whispering in my ear, "this will be your real first time". And in that moment i knew, you would be the one to break me. With all your love and all your heart, it would shatter me to pieces in one soft moment.

Theres gonna be times when I'm sad and i don't know why, there will be times when i just want to cry myself to sleep. Its this chemical in my brain that make me sad, its just an unbalanced chemical.  Im sorry that i cant always be happy. I wont always be the person you want me to be, and for that i am deeply sorry. I want to be the one that will always make you happy, but sometimes i just cant.  I promise you that i will always try my hardest. I will try to make you happy and show you how much i love you, i will try to show you that you are the one.

Love,

Rachael

"Life is art,  it's this huge blank canvas that we paint stories on every moment since the day we were born."

I took your soul and you burned a hole in mine
You stole my heart and placed it to the side
I threw away all the memories you left behind
It's all just racing through my mind
All those memories wasted nothing but time
There was never a reason to stay and watch the sun die
We just wasted our life trying to see the moon shine
Only to lighten whatever hope we held in hands intertwined

You couldn't even hold me while I cried
Only gave me a look saying I'm sorry that I lied
You tore apart every inch of my insides
My body was begging to just lay down a die
A stranger at the bar bought me a drink and said baby don't worry all you have to do is try

So I gave you another piece of my heart, a second time
You said that life was just a lie and all you could think about was my dark grey eyes
This time your cried

And I was the one who watched you die,
Maybe in satisfaction or maybe in pride.

He said,"I could never let you go."
She replied, "baby, you already left."

I am constantly tearing apart my insides to search for any sign of life that is still left breathing

She smelled of old books and great stories
If you looked upon her you could see all the lives she lived through in all the pages she read
Like the ink left the paper and found a home within her skin
She was a walking novel with hidden stories living inside her head
When she spoke the world grew silent just to hear the untold words she held tightly within
As if her words were oxygen and without them no one could breathe
Her eyes the color of stormy skies
If you looked close enough the black in her eyes was an endless void, a doorway to the world she hid inside.

My death with be liberating

And I do not say that in the sense
That I am searching for a cliff
To take a good jump off
No.

I am only trying to find an honest way
To tell you
That I am clueless to what happens next.

You see,
There is a fine line between
Dreaming
And mortality.

Everything that exists in our universe,
Whether it can be seen or unseen,
Consists of pure energy.
All matter, even our thoughts and emotions have their own vibrational frequency.
Our subconscious thoughts are inseparably connected to the rest of the universe.
As our conscious mind dwells habitually on a thought or idea, they become imbedded within the subconscious mind.
They form into the dominant vibration and it resonates with similar vibrations drawing them into our lives.
The whole universe is mind

I never gave you an answer on why you should stay,
I just gave you questions that made you walk away
Its hard find a new road to travel down,
When all these roads lead to the same place
The home of where i last saw your pretty face
You could say i miss you, but that might be a lie
This medication makes memories fuzzy
And sometimes i cant even remember you name
People say you had me at hello
But im starting to think i only loved you when you said goodbye
When you weren't mine the world crumbled ontop of me,
Left me suffocating
Sometimes i think i hate you and every memory you put in my head turned to dust the day you left
But people change and when i think of you, your face isn't your face, and your somebody new
You gave me a candle for my birthday,
That i used to burn everyday
It was wrapped in glass that made the candle last.
After we said our goodbyes
I drove for hours with the candle in my passenger seat, staring at it between the headlights shining through my window.
After crossing a bridge with mountians reaching the clouds I threw it.
With all my might, and in the faint distance i heard a shatter
But maybe that was just my heart.
You have me a package with your handwriting on it, you told me not to laugh at your chicken scratch.
I tore it to shreads and left it to the flames.
Watching it burn.

Have you ever ran so far your heart races and your lungs are screaming for oxygen? Thats how I feel everytime you look at me. Though I'm never running, just standing still. Watching.

Watching you
Watch me
Craving for you
To just touch me
Feel my warmth
On my thigh
Tell me
Not to cry
Hold me close
And squeeze me tight
Tell me everything
Will be alright
Grab my hand
And dance with me
Tell me
Of your dream
Kiss my neck
And whisper in my ear
Tell me there is nothing
Left to fear
Touch my scars
And kiss them softly
Tell me how
You love the sweet
Smell of black coffee
Sleep with me
And hold me lightly
My heart is delicate
Tell me how
My voice is angelic
Make me smile
And make me cry
My heart is yours
And yours is mine
I'm watching you
Watch me

You might have fancy cars,
diamond watches,
designer clothes,
and money.
But just think about this for a second,
our coffin will be the same size,
our dead bodies will rot in the same way,
and our bones are the same bones.
So why shame me for who i am? for what i have.
Because on the inside, we're all the same.

Sometimes staring into the nothingness is what gives us answers to questions that our mind hasn't even comprehended, its gives us an answer to the inevitable question. What happens when all this is over?

When did it stop? Did you stop loving me when I couldn't speak cause my throat was so tight from screaming in my dreams? Did you stop caring when I threw the sheets over my head because I didnt want you to see me crying? Did you stop loving me when I talked about my past and my future? Did you'd wish I'd just shut up? Did you still love me when you held my head in your hands and kissed my forehead and said "this love will never end"? Did you still love me when you showed up with messy hair and flowers in your hand? What about that time we walked through the park with our fingers intertwined and you said "although the sky is grey, the color in your mind colors the whole sky"? When did you stop loving me? When I couldn't get out of bed in the morning because love just wasn't enough strength to keep going? Was it when you left for a vacation with your parents cause they wanted you to think about your future? Was it because maybe I wasn't apart of that future? You said till the end. I didnt know that the end was a month ago, I thought the end was when I was dead. But now im barely breathing, so I might as well just be on my death bed. When did it stop?

When the stars collide,
And the only life we know of turns to dust,
I'll still be here,
Waiting for a second chance to start again.
Another hello,
And a second goodbye

Its not always what we planned or thought it would be, but its what we got and sometimes when the darkeness fades, it's golden and it's greater than we expected.

You, such an amazing girl. Your mind, the way you look at things and express your feelings in your writing I think is just amazing. You don't ever give yourself credit when its due. You work so hard to make the the people you care about happy. And it killed me inside when you said you thought you werent supposed to be her. Dude as much as you work, you deserve it. You taught me its ok to cry. To don't give up. Keep trying. And supported me through everything and that's something no one has ever done for me and I'm thankful and I don't know what this world would be like if you weren't here. Times get hard as hell and they hurt like *** but you keep going, you never stop. I feel like you need to be appreciated more. I've never met someone as strong as you. Your the reason I'm as strong as I am today. You literally haven't left me ever. You showed me what it feels like to be loved in a way
that not so much people get to experience. Is true friendship. To me your my best friend. I don't want you to think for a second your not worth it. Your beautiful. They don't make them like you anymore.

Weeping willow trees
Surround the grass beneath my feet
Sun rays
Blind my eyes with a soft haze
White Dandelions dancing
Cover the pain of suffering
Carved writings
Remind my head of past memories
Under the falling leaves
Words spill out of my eyes
Onto the book of lies
Thoughts of death
Contained by the strive of full filling life
Everything is ethereal

Poetry was her lifeline. If she did not write, her voice would suffocate her, and her screams would silence her. Her hands would shake and her lungs would break.

In a tall field of yellow-green grass
Picking flowers from the roots
Putting them behind your ear,
And through your hair
Feeling the wind flow through our intertwined fingers,
The sun filling your dark brown eyes with golden specks
The dandelions dancing in the breeze
Your steady arms wrapped around my shivering body,
Promising me a safe harbor,
That maybe i am not forever alone
The sky forming clouds of gray
The blue slowly begins to fade,
A raindrop falls, and rolls down your cheek
Your smile spreads from eye to eye
Filling me with happiness and feeling alive
The sun is gone,
And your eyes are darker
Making me feel warmer
And as the rain continues to fall
I stand with you, hand in hand
Heart and soul
Poured out onto the wet field of yellow-green grass,
I realize now in this moment that i love you,
And i am prepared to have my life shattered into pieces when you leave,
But i will remember this memory.
Hand in hand,
In the yellow-green grass.

Your voice makes the blood im my veins dry
Your smile takes every last breath i breathe
Your soul takes my heart to the grave
Your body makes my skin shiver

I get a rush of nervousness when I see you walk my way
I feel flushed when you say my name
I shake with anticipation when you touch my face
I feel relieved when you breathe on my neck and tell me im all you've ever needed

You make me feel crazy
But i swear i couldn't be happier

You are the stars in the sky

You are the beat of my heart

You are the frozen ice in the trees in the midst of winter

You are the cool breeze on a hot summer day

You are the song I have on replay

You are the the warm blood running through my cold veins

You are the still water in the river by the abandoned house

You are the light in the darkest of night

You are the love in sad dark mind