In the world of lovers
I am the lost one
watching you from afar
wrapped in a bedsheet
you rolled out of bed
your hair tousled and
lipstick messed up,
he again invaded my home last night
and you kissed him with passion,
night by night, I saw love
blossoming between the sheets
and over time, I have watched
the silence of your heart turning into soft moans,
with them, I heard my heart cracking an inch more

Now in the fading memories
you don’t see me anymore
yet I reached out to hold you,
but your arms were tightly knit
in a new “forever” with him
all these months,
I waited on the sidelines silently,
hoping you would utter my name
now even your hug seems a long-distant past,
and inside my heart, your love feels herself
like a caged bird,
so for the last time
I breathed in your scent as deeply as I could
I feed your love trinkets of my broken heart,
and this evening I’ll collect my baggage from your place,
but before saying you a final goodbye
I write this note believing that
it will remind you of me, and
you will hide it in a place in my home
which I can still call
mine, mine and only mine.

I had a desire to travel
across the ocean and
explore the deserts.
But how long
will I scrape your memories
to fly with my severed wings?

Will you help me
in getting the ashes of this body
so that when the storm comes,
I can whisper my last words
and travel far away,
drifting for eternity
around the globe.

The devil on my shoulder
is here again,
his words echo in my ears,
trapping me in his petty lies.
I’m sinking deep into
his blue eyes,
luring me through his seductive
disguise,
slowly but steadily
he is erasing my
feelings,
love,
humanity,
tears,
pain
until there is nothing left
except emptiness inside my soul.

I want to bid goodbye,
to honour my love for once,
to put you to rest in a place
where roses grow in spring,
lilies blossom in summer, and
the snow greets you on winter mornings,
but all I can find places in ruins,
ravaged by the firestorm last year, and
now a thick layer of ashes
is splattered all over,
the sun rarely comes here, and
the rain is afraid to wash away
carcasses of the past.
It feels like a lifetime
since I’ve been searching for a place
that you might like,
to build a graveyard in my heart.

I’ve got holes in my heart,
which I don’t want to patch it up
Though it makes me vulnerable and
lets you see right through my inside,
so I keep my smile on to
convince you,
that I’m happy seeing you
on the other side of the door
holding hands with someone else.~

One day I met her, and
oh, it felt good.
I didn’t bother
from where she was coming
and where to she‘d go next.
For that moment
I felt complete again-
Happy, content, smiling, joking,
laughing, jumping, talking-
I was certainly floating
on a wave of emotions,
even if I had stolen them
from someone else.

I sat beside her
rubbing my arms against hers
even if she was not mine
anymore
to be touched,
to be felt,
to be kept
but, for that moment
I couldn’t stop
thinking about
touching her hand,
kissing her lips,
keeping her in my arms,
even if I knew
it would only last
for that moment,
and then,
someone else would hop on
to be with her
for a lifetime journey,
kicking me far away from her,
in an abyss of
despair and loneliness.
It was inevitable,
and I couldn’t stop him, so
before she’d wave me goodbye,
before she’d toss my memories
in the trash can,
before she’d reach that place-
where I spent months
adoring, caressing and loving her, where she’d stop seeing me even in her dreams and imaginations;
I wanted to feel her;
I wished to stop the clock;
I craved to be in her arms
for the last time.
Was that too much to ask for?

I finally plucked up the courage
and reached out for her hand.
My hands touched hers and she turned to meet my gaze-
I wish she wouldn’t have pulled her hand away like that;
at that moment,
as I was losing the warmth of her fingers,
I felt something snatched away
from me
forcibly
mercilessly
something dear to my heart,
something which belonged to me.
In that one split second, I watched my dreams being ravaged by a simple yet heartbreaking two-letter word,
which she said abruptly.

My world shattered into
million pieces
never to be put back together,
and among them
somewhere
I lost my poor heart,
maybe buried
like a carcass into the soil.
I should go back
and find him.
But until then
“Let’s cherish this moment,” she grinned
while raising her glass of wine.

I don’t know you and you don’t know me,
but still you know me in the way,
none who know me but still don’t know me.

So I appeal to the ones who don’t know me but still know me that keep me in your heart and not in your thoughts because the thoughts often do the judgements, and the day
you judge me, I’ve to push you with them
who know me but still don’t know me.

You want to **** me,
so go ahead **** me,
Tear me apart,
Make me moan,
**** my brains out,
Satisfy your hormones,
Fulfil your ego
Force yourself upon me
even when I beg you to stop,
Make me do filthy things
which gives you pleasure,
but when this all will end,
when you will crawl back
to the next side of the bed
I’ll go back to my heart’s lair
where I’ve hidden her
far from your reach
to be poisoned by your lust,
no matter how potent it is
I won’t let you do that to my heart
what you’ve done to me
It can never ever be yours.

Oh I am in love
I realised this
When your absence seeped through my life,
obliterating myself from it,
In my faded memory somewhere in the corner
I’m imprisoned in the night you left,
when you walk out of this door
with tears rolling down your face,
And drowned in ego and anger
I remember, I didn’t even call you out.
I realised this
after you’re long gone.
Now I’m just waiting for
stars to fall
to grant me “you”as a wish
or take me to you,
Because
I realised this
Oh I was in love then,
Oh I am still in love
with you,
after you’re long gone!

Dark room,
honking horns,
light seeping in,
****** knife,
noose around the neck,
screaming soul,
shivering legs,
these suffocating nights.

Someday when you board
the train to my station again,
I’ll be waiting for you,
on the Platform 2.
You’ll look in my eye and
I hope you’ll stop by
and ask,
“How I’ve been?”
Will it be too much if I ask
to spend this evening with me
just like we did 195 days ago;

your head in my lap
as I run my fingers through
your hairs and watching the
sun rays touch your face
patiently
for the last time

O darling, can you just
repeat
what you told,
so I can remember
someone is already
waiting for you
back home
And no matter
how many trains you miss,
I am always bound to lose you.