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lila Jan 2022
at what point does one
become tired of living
and simply exist
first ever haiku :)
lila Apr 2021
I wish people could understand
That sometimes things don't go as planned
And that I'll always try to hide
The things I feel deep down inside

I wish people could understand
That's sometimes being true is hard
That sticking to the rules is bland
So let this all become freehand

I wish they know
That it's possible to
Like boys and girls
And still be you

To be bi in a world
Where straight is the norm
To be wild and untamed
When people conform

That it's possible to
Be 'smart' and suicidal
That comfort doesn't make one
Want to keep their vitals

That just because I smile
Doesn't mean it's all fine
That I can hate my life
And still act in line

So please understand
Don't judge, don't sigh
I want you to know
That I really try
To be normal and stuff
To not scream and cry
To act like I'm still
A really good child

But before you judge
Keep this in mind
I'll keep killing myself
Until everyone thinks I'm fine
lila Apr 2021
the sun is still sleeping
but I am not
I lie awake
having just returned
from the land of dreams

my skin is cool
for now, my monsters are silent
just maybe
today will be a good day
~ I think I need to learn poetry forms and rhyme. anyways, random poem. today might just turn out okay :) ~
lila Apr 2021
it's hard when
you finally understand yourself
but then realise
no one will ever accept you
for who you are
(i'll be closeted forever. can't come out in a homophobic country)
lila Sep 2020
I don't know why
My self-hatred is this high
Or why I can't seem to cry
Or why I say "I'm fine"
When it's clearly a lie

I don't know why
Some people say I'm awesome
While others say I'm lonesome
Or why some say I'm warm
While others look at me with scorn

I don't know why
I loathe my reflection
Think I don't deserve affection
And have constant thoughts
Of pain and self-infliction

I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
I hate this
Someone make it stop, please
This is just something I came up with on a whim. It kind of shows how I think when things get really bad or when I get too lost in my thoughts
lila May 2020
flowers, feelings
lies and heathens
chimes of bells and the uproar it quells

ribbons, dresses
hair and tresses
dainty feet and their graceful beat

darkness, fears
insomnia and tears
the thoughts I have and my sanity it halves
lila Mar 2018
I thought about you
But I wasn't sure if I wanted you
But then you came
And drove a panic attack into my brain

I couldn't control myself anymore
I thought you'd stay around a lot more
I was managing, faking that I was fine
But then you left again
Something tells me this won't be the last time
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