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 Mar 2015 L
AJ
Nieodpowiedzialny
 Mar 2015 L
AJ
This is a nonstop situation.
And you are not ready for a nonstop, yet.
We don't have time for you to stop
And catch your breath.

I pray to god that I'll have you for another day.
But you're losing.
Oh ******* it,
You're losing.
Could you please make it more subtle?
I'm starting to panic.
 Mar 2015 L
AJ
PhD
 Mar 2015 L
AJ
PhD
******* it.
I took you like an antidepressant.
And that wasn't fair,
And it didn't even work.
It wasn't good for anyone involved.
It's tricky trying to find the right balance.

I need to help myself,
And you'd be better off curing someone else.

I don't think I'll be filling my prescription this time.
“You don’t drown by falling in the water;
You drown by staying there.”
 Mar 2015 L
s
colorblind
 Mar 2015 L
s
I feel better
I feel like an altered dress
Fixed so that I can fit onto this life
But this life has nothing left
Nothing is right
No pink in my cheeks
Or green in my eyes
Water color paint brushes
Slowly filling with more plain
I try to paint a picture
Its hard without color
I try but eventually
I give up
When you bleed clear
When your world turns black and white
Its hard to get life back to the way it was.
I guess I'm just colorblind now
Careful you could become colorblind too.
I know this is choppy.
 Mar 2015 L
s
blame
 Mar 2015 L
s
I don't know why I took metal to my skin
I don't know why I stopped eating
I don't know why I expect so much of myself.
All I know is that it's me.
I'm the issue
Blood used to scare me and now I crave it.
I don't understand what I did to myself.
I don't get why I changed so much
I scare myself.
I wish I was different
But I found out that wishing for the impossible just makes you start to blame other things.
If you want to get anywhere, sometimes you have to blame yourself.
 Mar 2015 L
s
whats in the mirror
 Mar 2015 L
s
Mirrors
Shattering myself into pieces
Sharp edges pointing out all the flaws
I stare at the glassy eyes
I don't know if they are mine
The reflections rip me open
making all of the imperfections
seep through the paper skin
Outlining me in red
Tracing what to fix
Tears bleed through my surface
Stinging my insides
I want this to end
The mirror is killing me.
What's in the mirror is killing me
So I guess I'm killing myself.

{SM}
 Mar 2015 L
s
the show
 Mar 2015 L
s
Pink ballet tights don't hide cuts.
Leotards black as smoke don't conceal all the regrets I have swallowed.
My perfect bunhead doesn't pull together all the loose ends of my mind.
I'm sorry mom that somewhere between your migraines and stress your daughter ran into the bathroom.
I'm sorry Dad that you try so hard and you always end up with ***** ups.
I was supposed to be the perfect one.
I have tried to be perfect for so long.
I gave up when I learned that society feeds us chocolate covered concrete.
I gave up when the sun went down and the moon never came up.
I gave up when the mirror started to grab my eyes and made me stare.
I gave up when I couldnt give up.
Now I'm just trying to appear perfect.
I'm faking everyone out
I'm so fun to talk to
I'm such a happy girl
Mom I will do ballet and help you clean
Daddy I will run so you can be proud
You deserve to be proud of something
I'm just sorry that it has to be fake.
I don't know how long this will go on
Just try to enjoy the show while it lasts.
 Mar 2015 L
Makenzie Marie
Shallow breaths,
tight chest,
blurry vision,
No rest.
*******
by my thoughts:
make it stop...
‘give it all you’ve got.’
Head spinning,
hope dwindling.
Skin burning,
bones chilling.
Drowning in air
a sinking ship;
dying of thirst,
and I don’t get a drip.
Surrounded by an ocean
and I can’t see
anything.
I can’t hear
for the life of me.
This feeling
I swear
is killing 
me.

Whispering:
“give in
don’t get up
stay home
you’re not enough.
Even if there’s nothing wrong:
walk out the door
and harm
will come”
This ubiquitous feeling
draping
over me,
enveloping
everything,
wet,
and weighted...
bet you’ve never hated
someone so much
you’d stab them in the chest
and without a moments rest
grab them at the throat
so tight they can’t whisper a note
and leave them wondering
if they’ve even given their best
after their whole self feels negated.

**This hate,  
this punishment 
or something,
draped
over me
so viciously
is known as:
Anxiety.
 Jan 2015 L
holyoak
&
 Jan 2015 L
holyoak
&
since you've been gone
i've written a few poems 
& not a single one 
actually says what i want
because i want to say
i miss you
& i want to say
i need you
& i want to say
come back to me 
& you left the door wide open
i thought it was a sign 
i thought it was some poetic way
of saying you'd walk back in
but now i realize 
you just didn't care enough to shut it
& now i feel a draft
a small cold wind 
whispering
"get up & change some things
she left you for a reason"

& now i come to find 
that there were never enough ampersands
to keep you & i together

[holyoak]
 Dec 2014 L
Alberto Ruiz
ink
 Dec 2014 L
Alberto Ruiz
ink
i won't let them hear
what they want to hear.
i'll hide my fears
or write them down in
tears from a pen.
i'll drown
the empty pages with ink;
venom to the mind,
and then
i'll start over again.

poisonous lines.

while, "all is fine"
i'll say.
when in reality
the only truth my muffled words
reveal is in the silence
that follows.
and since the calm
before the storm
is my storm
and this garden
is filled with thorns,
i'll burn everything i've ever known
and surround myself with
ashes
that allow me to let go.

don't leave me alone.

ARH
 Dec 2014 L
holyoak
are you afraid of parking garages
do you think of empty parking spaces
with empty cars beside them
like your own compartmentalized mind
do the empty spaces scare you
like my own scare me
are you afraid of the dust
are you afraid of the ghosts
sitting where people once were
are you afraid of parking garages
are you afraid of the lonely silence
are you afraid of the concrete walls
that are more solid than anything
that you have ever created
are you afraid 
that you'll be just as cold
just as lifeless
are you afraid of parking garages
are you afraid of where they take you
are you afraid of the airports 
that you always end up in
missing those that never come back
are you afraid of parking garages
are you afraid that you'll park 
and that you'll never leave
are you afraid of parking garages
are you afraid of the flickering lights
and your own shadow 
bouncing in front you
are you afraid of going somewhere 
and never coming home
are you afraid of your home
and when they asked you where home is
did you stutter 
because you almost said someone's name
instead of a place
or is your home that parking garage
blank and grey 
empty and hollow
are you afraid of parking garages

[holyoak]
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