kiss me in your backseat
like nothing has ever been like this before
'cause you kiss like a promise
like you have never wanted anything more
than me

and just maybe, i'm crazy about you baby
and i guess it's a mess but i've always loved messy
things

and with your lips on my neck, i feel like the best is yet to come
and with my heart on my sleeve, i hope you can see it beats like a drum

and i'm wrapped around your finger and my gaze might just linger on your face
and i can't help but notice what we've made of this moment in this place

is beautiful
you're beautiful.

in the streetlights, with your brown eyes looking into my heart
hold me tighter, with your bright lights lighting up the dark
you're lighting up

They shove me full of pills because something is wrong with me. I am a broken carnival ride and the pills are supposed to be the mechanic. They are supposed to fix me. My head is going insane. You don't care. The difference between me and you is I am in my bathroom and you are ******* someone in bed. The difference between me and you is I want to die and you want to live. The difference between me and you is I am dismantling myself and you are trying to ride me. I'm broken. The mechanics are making it worse. But don't worry the insurance covers it. The insurance covers my head. Can I lay my head on a soft train track? Insurance would you cover that for me? 4 5 6 pills. How will I feel, can someone ride me yet? I am destroying myself.

I fall in bed at night
I can finally take off my socks
It's 98° outside
Branches going up my ankles
The shape of trees in winter
If my family saw
it would raise panic
I honestly don't care anymore
I don't care about anything
I want my body to be a canvas and a blade to be the paintbrush
Showing that I actually hate myself
You think you're okay until you see red
The moon picked up the knife
Slid it across my skin
Ink falling on the white tile
Words I could never say spilling out
This is not okay
But neither is dying
And this is better than dying
So this is my choice.
I am going to end up dead.

I grew up in a small town where normal was stupid and above average was normal. Girls wore their 8 extra curricular activities and 4.0 GPA draped around their necks with pride. Along with the boy who ****** them last night. But oh at church on Sunday they are still going to be virgins. Maybe I'm rambling. Maybe I have to rethink every word I say because, they helped destroy me. They helped me pick apart my body. Pick apart my brain. Maybe their designer clothes were okay. But the way they would shove others off their golden pedestals with a simple glance is what ****** me off. We weren't special like them. We didn't know the ins and outs. We didn't get the football players begging at our feet. We were gifted knifes in our backs that would leave traces of poison for years. Careful, word travels fast. We were expected to be like them.
I am so bitter.
But it's just because I grew up in a small town where normal was stupid and above average was normal.

is that all u care about now?
yourself?
because by the path of broken hearts and tear filled eyes you left behind its starting to seem that way
do you still care about him?
or is your medication drowning you in sin?
what the hell were you thinking, you could just throw people away once you get bored?
are you blind to see?
or are you running from responsibility?
God knows what the hell you keep thinking
why did you leave an something with potential for a diamond?
were you just not patient enough to wait?
or was it because all you care about is yourself
and that cheating ******* money?

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up,
show up and never give up being sure that
you never water yourself down just because
they can't handle you at 100 proof and
remember that life is short, so break the
rules and forgive quickly, kiss slowly and
love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never
regret anything that made you smile.

Never stop doing your best just because
someone doesn't give you credit and know
that you are not born a winner and you are
not born a loser but that you are born a
chooser so understand your worth and
value your life and appreciate your blessings.

Always believe that something wonderful is
about to happen and train your mind to see
the good in every situation and work so hard
that one day your signature will be called an
autograph as you **** them with success and
bury them with a smile.

One day you will just be a memory to some
people so do your best to be a good one and
be a voice, not an echo and make today count
because you'll never get it back as you accept
what is, let go of what was and have faith in
what will be.

Be somebody who makes everybody feel like
a somebody and give but don't allow yourself
to be used and love but don't allow your heart
to be abused and trust but don't be naïve and
listen but don't lose your voice.
                                                  Jon York    2016

I'm sitting in my car
shaking
I hate myself
I hate myself
staring at the dark water
its hard to stay in the car
the water has a florescent vacant sign blinking
come stay here
the water is dark and reflective
haunting
It's getting bad again
I want to strap 30 lbs to my chest and jump
but we haven't  had a family picture
I haven't said goodbye
I'm obese
I cannot be remembered as fat
I am going to slice myself up
like a butcher chopping up meat
I can feel it
but I don't want my parents to know
They can't know
Cause if they knew I would be isolated
I would be controlled
and hell I don't want to be ******* controlled
I don't want to be this big
I don't want to ruin my life
so I will just stare at water
praying that one day I will run out of excuses
I will be brave enough to jump
with a weight that won't let me come up
hair floating
body limp
It's sad, but beautiful
I think I've officially lost it
the worst part is that I honestly don't care.