Not so sure it's good
For me to be alone
Gives me time to think
Of the things I know
And the things I know
Never are quite right
The way I think I may
The way I know I might

Not so sure it's good
In the choosing of the sides
Where my brain convenes
With the left and right
While one stands up for yes
The other sits for no
Never can you tell
Which way this mind will go

Not so sure it's good
To let it out to play
Where in its adolescence gets lost
Or just ups and runs away

The person I've become
is so unlikely
I found love
but at the wrong time
unfortunately.

I'm afraid to admit that I am falling
afraid to tell you
afraid to realize
I feel your answer and I don't wanna break.

You're the key to my heart
a perfect fit.
I just don't want you to see
maybe you'd just close it,
or leave me bare open.

realizing there's no point
i vanished from your sight
but I so badly want
to drown in your love.

I'm scared to tell you the truth.
The feeling of regret haunts me.
It devours me
till all I'm seeing is nothingness.

The person I've become
is so unlikely,
always thinking this wont work
You'll never belong to me.

How does it feel to be you
To walk, talk, smile
Just like you do

To enter a room
And have everyone stare at you

Whispering your name
Between their teeth,
Touching it with their hearts,
Making love to you

While you unaware of what's happening
Just smiling, waving
And staring

And later at home
Breaking down in your bed
Weeping, and hating

Why can't you see,
how amazing you are?

Beautiful Lies

Every day
and every breath
we take remains a
beautiful deception
like the promise of
black coffee or
lemon seeds in tea.

© Ben Ditmars 2014

I hate you.

I hate you for what you did to me.

I hate you for making me write about you.

I hate you for making me love you

I love you

I love you for caring about me

I love you for filling my thoughts

I hate you for loving me