doll face
lavender thighs
rose gold heartbeat
alternate endings tracing cheekbones
like broken glass
your sawdust jawline

summertime soiree
knee-buckling faith
a mouthful of metaphors
forevers
daisy chained couplets
some purple skylines

feathers
cotton
hushed loving between
celestial bodies
grapefruit and coconut sugar
closing time

deities not quite worshiped
revered
hightop/high heel
purple jolly rancher
dress and tie
fingertips

hips swaying from side to side
windchimes
music
moments
love or truth
now or never

healing
breathless
full of life
merry-go-round mindset
happy dizzy
revolve around the sun

they tell you to play the game
but you hate it

it’s breaking your spirit
and you want to get out
of your head
but at least there you feel like
no one can get you.

or well
that’s what you thought.
you thought that
if you stayed in your mind
you’d be fine
but it betrays you

intelligent
existential
no good
get OUT of my head

please just get out of my head

she who wanted to be
more
than a pretty face
and soft skin

/

nothing more
than a fading
daydream-
sick

sometimes love leaves you
aching;
longing, for something
your fingers can’t touch,
and your mind can’t identify.

sometimes love leaves you
hungover;
blackout nights/headache in the a.m,
can’t move, your body’s heavy and
last night’s a blur.

sometimes love leaves you
poetry;
lines and lines of whispers,
words that you can only
give to 11:11 wishes, and midnight.

sometimes love(rs) leave;
going like a vagabond,
wanting none of your time,
the ache in your chest
throbbing.

The scary part about those nights where the voices get too loud is the screaming to yourself in the hope that the demons leave. They scream at me “WHAT’S YOUR PURPOSE” and that I am worthless, but scarier still is when you start to believe them.

I told you that I wanted to float

and so you took me to the pool,
tipped my body slowly,
your hold on the curve of my back
the precarious fulcrum.

With shallow breath and the sun in my eyes
I think I fell in love with you a thousand times over.

naive. used to think that the world meant well and that everyone deserves a second chance. i no longer think this but i would still give you a second- no. i don't know how i feel. i'm falling in love with he who is not you and there's only one thing holding me back. it's the thought of you as i am caught on reverse constantly falling when i'm trying to soar out of this place. i wanted to be ejected into outer space, and i was holding on to my tongue in cheek. oh the irony.
      seconds last lifetimes.
      i'm trying so very hard.
      at last, you will mourn.
2. certain. i'm with someone new, and now i'm so scared. afraid. wary. trust and love and lust are all dangerous i've learned. you grew daisies in my brain and then, you watched them wither. he grows roses where our flowers had died. but now i know nothing. i am unsure of anything but the fact that i am leaveable.
      how easy you changed.
      poisoned. a broken promise.
      twisting in the dark.
3. bold. i remember when i told you that i loved you. or something like that anyway. i threw up the butterflies in my stomach when you called me beautiful, and i couldn't believe you were (almost) mine. i talked to you like you were my everything because you were, now there's someone else and he's almost got me to want to be brave again. i wish i was brave again. for me. for him. but not for you.
      i'll light the candles.
      the glow is surreal and bright.
      blessed be this lady.

your hands touch my face and then you kiss me
i can feel your heart race inside your chest
don't want to stop this peaceful melody

i'm drowning in your world of soft dreams
head on your shoulder when it needs to rest
your hands touch my face and then you kiss me

loving you's learning that love should be easy
when we are together i'm at my best
don't want to stop this beautiful melody

falling in while i wish to see you breathe
breaking down my walls, seeing i am blessed
your hands touch my face and then you kiss me

shivering as your tongue grazes my teeth
you love me as though i'm a lovely mess
don't want to stop this peaceful melody

drunk on your love like tennessee whisky
your body's a map and i'm on a quest
your hands touch my face and then you kiss me
don't want to stop this beautiful melody

i want to undress your words with my lips
with your hands placed above my hips.
our mouths in this messy bedroom dance,
and all of this love in my hands, your heart in my hands-

i can barely stay calm when you look at me like that, darling.