june tenth
the pale lamp in my room is flickering again,
you told me fifty three times to fix it,
i never did.

september twenty-first
every morning i drink apple juice,
you liked orange juice and always asked me to buy some,
i never did.

september twenty-fifth
wednesday: the day you were born,
once you were gone i was supposed to forget,
i never did.

october third
halloween is coming up,
you told me to dress up as captain america,
i never did.

may second
it's spring time and the flowers are hopping up from their beds, (another thing i never did)
i can't believe the world still goes on but,
i never did.

may eighteenth
i read the fifth harry potter book,
i skipped two and four; you once told me to write my own story,
i never did.

may twenty-seventh
you always laid out my meds for me on our lillypad green paper napkins,
but whenever i'd take them you'd vanish, so,
i never did.

june first
i played a mel tormé record,
you said i had a better voice than him whenever i sang along but,
i never did.

june sixth
i cried for the first time in three days,
the world felt heavier today, i tried to let it crush me but,
it never did.

june tenth
now its been,
well,
time seems a bit funny to me now a days.
but i guess its probably been two months or so,
but the calendar says four years,
but the calendar wouldn't be the first thing to lie to me in here.
but i want to let you know:

i don't have lamps now,
i only am allowed water,
they never tell me what day it is,
i haven't even seen a halloween since your absence,
the only thing close to flowers in here is the pattern on my gown,
the "library" here *****, there is a total of nine books. they are all gross romance novels,
my meds now come in a tiny paper cup four times a day,
they only play country here and thats only on music therapy days,
the world floated up
                                    up
                         ­                 up
                                             ­   and away, i assume it took you with it,

i guess it is just and fair that this happened to me,
i mean look at all the things you asked that i did not do for you,
but i asked you one thing,
and you said you'd always be with me, but,
you never did
**no one ever did

winter holds her
barren with beauty's decay
she gives silent flowers of the mind to the cold wind
that transports them like dreams into the distant landscape
she gives her soft heart
to the falling snow
which transpires like a whisper flowing down to melt on soft ground
like a passage of the nights tale told and retold
by the fairest of souls in the solitude of starlight...
so intoxicating is the falling snow
it leaves her with numb lips from the verse unsung
it leaves her with aching in her limbs from
the untried ballet of winters solstice...
such is winter's night
a possession of the snow and cold
a rite to be passed with delicate thoughts...
winter holds her in its hand
and yet even barren she flourishes like a rose blooming
in beautiful spring

Felt sweat on your back. Exuded sweat. A wave washed over me. A box opened, then shut. I smelsomething sweet turn sour. Asked you a question with teeth clenched. Then you asked me. We sat in silence. Your fingers in my hair. It didn't make a difference. I wasn't there. I fell asleep listening to you breathing in and out. You never stopped. Neither did I. We both continued to turn wheels. Went around and around again. Saw the world. Every inch. Still, you decided you didn't want me. I sighed. Then dreamed of a place we hadn't yet explored. A place without gravity;
It always brings me back at your feet. Feet that drag me through thick. The clock reads; 11:11. "Make a wish" And I do. I wish for the clock. And for you.