where do you come from?
she asked me

and i told her,
to the best of my abilities,
where i was from.

i said i was born in the hell-oases of American heaven.

that i materialized from the shrieking avalanche of velocity itself
that i must have simply started to move
at some Point
and howled at the emptiness around that begged my primordial step.

i told her that howl was my father
and the Emptiness, my mother
that the pain of Eden being born, razed
and made fallow time and time again
had welled up a deep desire in me to die

to forget, and start again new.

when i told her i was adopted
and that i didn't really know my parents, she laughed
and shot me a glance that knew.

i spoke about layers laid down by Aphrodite's own gemchildren
of their soft kisses on my soft teen skin
how i came out of a hole that ripped in that skin
and met up with myself again

and glad to be new.

she looked upon me the kindest
when i told her i forged myself in tinny pattering etudes
on guitars, strung
in patient worksmanship,
and balanced the grave humanity
and its facts so grave on shoulders
that had begun to shiver deeply

i'll never forget it,

she looked at me
with the most profound
empathy.

you never were

she said,

and she spoke the slow truth.

and after all i still believe
that death is the wrong answer
in this world of multiple choice.

Have you ever felt,
The things that I have felt,
Repetition at its finest,
Cycles viciously spinning,
And fires that refuse to go out?

The annoyance of consistency,
Always needing more
                            more,
                           And more,
Until my brain just resists,
The resistance of greed,
But greed is just a substitute for emptiness,
Holes that have been formed inside me,
Craving the very sweetness of joy.

I'm caught on a hook,
A hook of fishermen named desires,
I ache for variety and change,
But the only change is my ability,
To sustain in complexity.

Is it ungrateful to be this way,
Kissing the realism goodbye,
As it drives me to madness,
Leaving me in a state of blue,
And uncertainty?

Independence is what I propose,
But adolescence limits the opportunities,
That have been given to me as a test,
A test of which I continue to fail,
Since I am afraid of responsibility.

Genius talents,
Gifted from god,
I hold him liable of my fate,
Yet since I need this vicious cycle to end,
I must try to take it into my own hands,

Even if I am,
Afraid of the change,
As much as I wish for it.

It is early in the morning, and I've yet to find sleep.
Not to say that I'm searching, my thoughts are too deep.
I think of you and I think of her, women on my mind no suprise.
I think of how both my beloved are asleep next to other guys.
I think of my childhood dreams, and how most of them I still keep.
I recall the times that i smiled and had no trouble falling asleep
in my own room.
Insomnia of gloom.