Real and raw, I'm angry at you.
There's a future we've built with stolen bricks,
foundations we cemented through texts and skype calls.
There's a distance between us, a million miles separating
our hearts and our souls. We're connected through the web,
a spider knitting us together like a handmade sweater.
I'm so hung up on you, biting back words behind fists.
I tell myself, this is it. This is it. I'm done, we're breaking.
Then you text and a weight is gone, the dependence back in place.
I can't be angry at you. I can't be upset. I'm nothing but happy.

days get longer, even though the sun light grows short
there's a tension in the air, christmas joy doesn't seem so joyful.
even though days drag, weeks fly by before you know it
and it's been months of the constant battle.
good and bad. light and dark. it's not black and white,
it's crying at three am because no one can hear.
it's fake sleeping when they come to check on you.
it's easting more fruit and spending days sleeping alone
because you can't fight the feeling that the world's ending,
but the earth keeps spinning and the sun keeps shining.
you're too young to understand, too young to feel this way.
tie your hair up, straighten your shirt and face the world.
fight your battles with tear stained eyes, your room messy
and your brain even worse. fight the battle because of your sister.
fight because you can't bear to lose. you can be better!
"this is just a phase you're gonna outgrow"

glued together with bonds of failing marriages,
engagements don't survive and the kids are leaving home.
tied down and trying to escape with death's carriage.
my family isn't much, but it's better than being alone.
university is soon, but i'm full of such disparage
i don't want to be me, i just want to roam.

my poetry is barely audible, hitting the wall and falling
flat against listening ears. is this all i'll amount to?
writing alone - at 3 am - always missing my calling?
life's gambling, i realise, i can't help but feel blue

what does it mean to be content?
is it biting your tongue and promising to repent?
they say god frowns upon it;
if i am, then i just won't fit
in and out of society. crying at night,
trying to figure out if what i feel is right.
the love i harbor is being called a sin,
my family telling me to throw love in the bin.
the heart is just an *****, right? we can be programmed
and trained to be or not to be, pre-planned
to not be who we want to be.  
i don't want to be me.

what a ******* waste,
everything today just lacks taste.
when i'm alone, at night
raging that internal fight,
i think about all things right
and i wish that i could take flight.
i want to travel the world, oceans
and get rid of those negative emotions.
i'm full of sadness, pain and negativity
i'm a human in captivity!
what a ******* waste,
i wish something had taste