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f May 2022
04/28/22

i love living.

God has finally became a part of my routine, and him & i are in a better place. i just have to do one more thing. i hope i can do it.

i feel like i've matured a lot since last year, since that July. my flowers have ripened, and it's spring. today was our last day, and it made me realize, that life is about gratitude. it's about appreciating the little things, the ladybird that landed on your hand while gardening, or the beesting that really hurts. whether good or bad, it's better than nothing, which someone has. and even when receiving unspeakable news, Allah (SWT) has done it for a reason. i won't cry over what happens, because it's done for. nothing i could ever do.

life is about realizing everything has an end. once it's gone, nothing will be the same. i want to live with no regrets, living like tomorrow is not a guarantee. life can go by in a second. i was leaning on the kitchen counter, reminiscing about my childhood. i was pouring brown sugar into a cup of tea, which reminded me of a time when i used to dig our garden searching for worms. i smelled the aroma of freshly wet grass from rainfall and started watching the snails i put in line race to the end. if i don't catch my moments, ill never live. i need to step out of my comfort zone and become the person i know i can be. ill try everything i want. ill read all the classical books and be me.
the key is gratitude!!!

a letter to myself. i hope you can read it, if you read anything of mine.
f May 2022
a husband and wife
maybe with 3 kids,
in a cottage house
or a cabin in the woods,
like the one we made up
like the one we say we'll run away to
when we were tired of existing

it has ivy leaves grown on its walls
it would tell its history - everyone who lived there
they were helplessly in love
just like we were
just like everyone told us
when we're oblivious
when our time was infinite
we had nothing to lose
we wore our hearts on our sleeves
our love was made for books
and people were romanticizing us
but this was the past,
a long long time ago.

time flies, my mother said,
old habits die hard luv
when are you going to learn
to control your heart?
to control your words?
because there will be a day
where all you'll think about is what you've done
from what you've promised him,
it will be your inevitable doom
so choose your words wisely
choose the ones you tell
you love them, the ones who stay.
i love love lalallalalalallalalalaallallaa
make up for my time out!!!  
these are not real they are fictional hahha yea def
f Apr 2022
my love theory is that:
if you are "incompatible" with people because you are different,
you'll never know if they're your one if you trust what others tell you
you might have to go through a lot
yes, but the end result?
might just be twice it's worth
take risks, always!
f Apr 2022
i forgot how you used to smile
and the sound of your delights
I forgot how you used to be
when we were alone
we used to say

we'd never forget these
they were our treasures
but it's been too long
since we last spoke
idk idk idk
f Apr 2022
he plays with my love
with the strings of his bow
it makes such a precise sound
consistently on pitch

he moves his hands
inch-perfect on strings
each tune a new sorrow
each string used
more infatuated then before
i love the sound of music, especially the violin. it always makes my heart stop and sing, on the highest pitch. it feels like floating
f Feb 2022
from my new york window,
i can see tall structures,
see snowfall upon green rust,
tiny ants move busily on jobs,
with their lives, missing rides,
all of this from a glass wall.

from my new york window,
i can find peace.
if it means staring at life moving,
playing a one-person game

is new york always this quiet at night,
the stars not shining as bright?
does their light not burn through dark stone?
or bring out the best in all?
new york, new york
where are you?
where are your wonderful parties?
where have you been?

from my new york window,
i can tell its faint outside
where are your constellations?
they used to move around your city
i miss when they were nebulas
just starting to explore the world
i was never like a ball of fire
so eager to be thriving
so ready to leave being an atom,
joining molecules, being compounds

new york, do you miss me?
do you remember our memories?
of us in the snow, looking above, making angels,
talking about how life would never be enough?
new york, don't you remember,
you and i being friends, singing together?
new york, you don't remember me
because i was never there,
i have never been to your magnificent city.
you are for all the big lights, the huge suns
i was never made to be a fireball,
never so much one to live a free life
new york, don't miss me
I'm not worthy of being so precious like your sky.
i never was, i never will.
new york, my best wishes to you,
don't forget me,
when you don't know me well.
in the third stanza, im talking about new york during the pandemic.
f Jan 2022
warriors did not build
there barriers to be broken
made with a brave stone  
no push could penetrate

were an army of 86
to pull its length,
its fall would cause eruptions.
the land would be calm
never to experience destruction

where did they come from?
why do they build blocks?
how does an army dare
to divide the great wall?
my walls are my study block. i cant get myself to study for anything and I have my exams coming up. nice poem I got out of it.
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