If I could meet myself again when I was twenty five
I’d only check the part of me I thought was always right
I’d have a conversation with myself in such a way
that broke my heart completely so that it could be remade

I’d stay for every question I know now I should have asked
I’d offer up the answers that I wish I would’ve had
If I could meet myself again when I was twenty five
I think my heart would be the same, I’d only change my mind

Have some water, drink the calm
I have been here all along
At the edge of all you are
you may think you've gone too far
One more step is all it takes
Turn around and feel the shakes
Breathing heavy, thinking fast
you will find your way at last
Not because you couldn't then
But today begin again
It has everything to do
With the body you will lose
Settle in to something more
Something that you had before
You are here and Love is now
Like the rain it's coming down

my head has been expecting
something I cannot explain
a blending of the senses
to unsettle the mundane
and at the peak of madness
I will ask myself to leave
to tarry in the stillness
of my transient reprieve
I need to speak with someone
who would never do the same
a person with a body
that's forever His to claim  
I'll banter with my being
'til my words appear to be
a message to the people
of the soil and the sea
return to me the burden
that was light upon my back
I cannot be the human
I am ready to attack

**** the blood of envy
Boil it in pots
Tell me I am simple
tie me up in knots
Not another body
conquered by your cells
I will be tomorrows  
people never tell
Possible conclusions
you had never drawn
Where are all the colours?
everything is wrong
Bitten by a spider
gnawing at its web
We are not together
I could never tell

I’ve noticed how my memories come flooding back at once
The farther back I go the more intense that they become

I think about my formative and adolescent years
And realize the many things they taught me about fear
To feel it first, to face it, then, to minimize it all
To spread my heart so thin that I could barely even walk

I stepped into adulthood feeling strange and unprepared
To spend my time with people who were never really there
I leaned into forgiveness and I learned how to move on
And those who walked beside me knew about it all along

I’ll walk into today and all the days I hope to have
With every single sense in me — I will not live in lack
I’ve noticed how my memories have brought me back to You
The Only One Who’s ever been through what I’ve been through, too

A chariot of creatures was circling the sun
And moving by its light and exposing everyone
There's no such thing as hidden, nor stone that's left unturned
And all the earth's uncovered, in waiting to be burned
And even all the fishes who populate the seas
Are dwindling in number, a school of vacancies
If anyone was counting, they too have disappeared
Unraveled in the darkness to which they had adhered
Becoming one is easy when death is in the air
For anything that's breathing will enter in its lair
But some will see a second, another kind of end
A ghost of desperation that chose to play pretend

I haven't gone beyond the skin
Beyond the bones I've settled in
And when I stir within myself
I search for what can make me well

The water's gone and so I thirst
My state of mind is getting worse
Fatigue has plagued my body full
A weariness I never knew

I want to say a lot of things
Before my voice no longer sings
I move again, my lips in queue
The notes are gone and I am too

To move through genealogies
consider what it takes
The blood of those before
you filled with all of their mistakes
And what you've given into will uncover how you came
A sort of inquisition to eradicate your name
I called myself "the others" if I staggered or destroyed
Made everything inside of me
so purposely devoid
If not by my own doing
then by those whom I had known
To whom I was connected, thought, believed I could call home
Today's a separation
I have never known before
Or one that I'd forgotten
since I leveled with the floor
There's nothing on the bottom but I cannot seem to look
Much further than the dirt of earth, the silver that I took
The people are in pieces
and my head tries to compare
So often I can only find
the source of our despair
I go to bed in cycles
I can barely seem to keep
Awake so long I wait for dreams
to make me fall asleep
If anyone can see me or engage my busy head
I'll breathe before I speak again, let life be what is said

I gave away my coins today to those who liked their shine

knowing that the gold I need was nothing I could buy



Instead I'd find it in the sea, atop the folding waves

a blanket I'd be bundled in then kissed with sunny rays



I'm walking now in misty air and what I hear confirms

that time elapsed was not a waste, it helped me to return



To that which goes beyond the flesh, defines my only name

reminds me still, it's what I seek that in my life will reign

the sound of what is Perfect is so critical to know
for how else can you navigate a single thought alone?
you’re at the grace of mercy in where ever you may be
and everything you’ve given should be all that you received

by sharing of your fortunes you’ll gain infinitely more
and never see a need or a desire gone ignored
you’ll never be forsaken nor be ever left for dead
you’ll always have a Helper Who will comfort you instead

and by His every reason to be here with us this long
He’s paved the Way for everyone, for everything and all

I wrote you a letter and took it to bed
To ponder upon all the words that I said
Some of them sank like the heaviest lead
And I started to doubt whether they should be read
A hot pursuit broke out while I tread
I thought I'd be running until I was dead
But when I inhaled the scent of their bread
I stopped pressing onward and ate them instead
My mind began racing, so quickly it sped
Causing a halo of smoke overhead
I realized the ink from the pen never bled
The letter I wrote was all in my head

Give me your hand I will hold it in mine
Darling tonight we'll go backwards in time
When one of us opens let one of us close
And gently conceal what the others expose
Carry my soul with, wherever you go
To put me in places I'd never have known
And when you need rest I will pick up the reigns
Follow the road that your dreams have sustained
Wake up and see that I've always been here
That it has been you who has kept me my dear
And not only this, but I too have held on
Here in your head when you couldn't respond
Bury the seed and let's bloom once again
Into each other, forever
The end.

Inside a mind that wasn't mine
I somehow came to realize
That where I took my thoughts before
Would never matter anymore

The roads I paved had disappeared
And deemed me faulty engineer
Disgraced the pace, upon my face
She saw the wall and did not wait

Suppose I'd tell you what to say
You used to ask me every day
And when I'd talk you'd tune your ears
Then cover up in salty tears

The sea would claim the life you lost
Return to you the latter lot
You held it close so many times
And claimed the right to reconcile

Yet here we are in subs and pars
Collected into mason jars
I'll shatter you, you'll shatter me
Our fragile state will set us free

Pour the water on my head, make compasses your hands
I'll move and shake until I break, until my legs can't stand
And on the floor beneath the jar I'll see what made the stream
The letters written on the base for sleeper's eyes to dream
These words I've heard so many times make patterns in my mind
And rearrange the borders of the cities that don't shine
The sun is hid, the moon is down, there's nothing but the dark
And so I guess I'll find a way to build myself an ark
I've never been an architect but I know one who is
And as I lift my voice to speak I breathe the winter's wind
This ice that freezes on my head reminds me I can melt
The heat that's stored within my flesh set fire when I knelt

I cannot see the temple I was given long ago
Was buried through the winter then it melted with the snow
But every single summer when the earth receives the rain
I let myself believe I can be falling with its pain
Collected are the fragments of the person I have been
The water that belongs inside my coriander skin
The scent is something stronger than my memory recalls
But what is more familiar now that I can feel at all
Wherever there are bridges there my body also be
Above the rivers running while containing all of me
I've moved with all the seasons but I always end up here
Between the world that knew me and the place I disappear

I walked around the world today
and tried to count my steps
But everything that came my way
just took away my breath
Shortened, strained and surface deep
I felt my chest release
Quiet whispers I'd not keep
for they would one day cease
Blurry eyed and hazy souled** 
I spilled into the dark
Ill prepared and not yet gold
I'd barely felt a spark
Nothing etched into my life
'cause my degree was low
Patience weathered turned to strife
so I would never glow
Sipping words too hot to touch
I'd burned up what's inside
Insensitive and calloused much
my skull had opened wide

Reality was simple 'til you made up one your own
And brought me into scenery I never would've known
A separate togetherness, a circle with an end
I'd call it all the bitterness if I could comprehend
But here I am in pieces mixed with everything we are
Still writing my conclusions on my body like a scar
I never burn the paper but my fingers feel the heat
The rage of this insanity beginning in our feet
I hear the only remedy is letting past be past
Undoing every string that ever answered when I asked
I'll leave it up to stories I can bury in myself
'Cause no one needs to hear about the one for whom I fell

I rattled You awake again while falling fast asleep
I need You to watch over every dream I want to keep
I put it in my head You are the Only One I trust
and if I do not visit You my body turns to dust
I pull apart my character more often than I don’t
to realize I’m nothing when I’ve given up my soul
the whine of life is bitter, more-so with each passing day
so let me never Give You up, no matter what I say

I’ll slowly disappear in you until I am no more
no subtle synchronicity will bring me to your door
I’ll write of you in poems and I’ll miss you in my dreams
I’ll wake up every morning growing through our in betweens


I’ll slowly not forget you and the parts of me you touched
my heart will break a thousand times and for the both of us
I’ll think of you in passing as we go our separate ways
I’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, let swiftly go the days

let not go of your tenderness, it keeps your heart a whole
it catches every breath you can’t when you lose all control
when every single part of you, your human and your mind
has made you feel so destitute, with nowhere left to hide

let not go of your tenderness, it remedies your thoughts
it gives you new perspective and untangles all your knots
when everyone surrounding you commiserates with fear
do not forget the heart you have still beats in you, my dear

I listened to the rhythms of my every single day
and learned that I throw daggers more than I could ever say
I keep my body grounded but I keep my mind afloat
still, every intercession comes from my own Spirit’s Hope

I listened to the words I kept on letting out of me
and learned that I can’t bury what I cannot not believe
You keep my body moving and You keep my mind intact
with every intercession, You make all of me come back

if you could hear the dissonance between your mind and soul
would you put up a fight or would you let it take control?
would you give in to anger or be humbled in its midst?
would you consider dying to the things you can’t resist?

if you could hear the voices of the present, future, past
would you become a pillar or an ever-moving mass?
would you pack up your life entire for where you want to go?
or would you turn your head around to everything you’ve known?

if you were offered nothing but a Promise you can’t see  
would you surrender all the things that bring you to your knees?
would you call flesh your person or the part of you that is
a vessel for your Soul to carry out what you let in

My desire exists
And it is what I say
I wanted affection
But not in this way

your face is a fire
I  cannot compare
To anyone present
For no one is there

And I am a shadow
Of figments like you
The sorry exposure
you will not undo

So come to the corner
And open the door
Let's be in the moment
We cannot ignore

there are words on the ceiling, there are words on the floor
there are words in my body I can’t take anymore
I have begged to be borrowed but to never be had
for I know who I am and there is no turning back
believe me I have wandered and betrayed my own heart
but Hell could never keep me from my falling apart
in the dust at the bottom of whatever I’ve left
I will find a whole body that is made of Your breath

when are you the child you had always hoped to be
today is gone tomorrow and the past is all you see
if yesterday's a liar will you ask why it has come
or has it proven honest by the rising of the sun
it's not for me to question anything you won't accept
but on the edge of reason I am bowing with respect
for knowledge at its greatest cannot stand the test of time
eternity surpasses every border in our mind
continue with the maybes and you'll learn to understand
Humanity has challenged the beginning with its hands
we've built so many cities while we've torn so many down
the likelihood of lasting begs the future not to drown
the children we're creating bare the weight of all we've done
I'm forfeiting my body for the sake of *everyone