you hide under an umbrella made of steel
wincing at the sound of the rain as it hits the pavement

the same sound that I love so well
the soft pitter patter that mimics my beating heart

you cower away from the water, while I dive headfirst into the downpour

I just want you to come dance in the rain with me, that's all

set your steel umbrella aside and play with me for a bit

you and I under the bleeding sky
could it really be so bad?

how funny, your blue eyes

they hold so much power and conviction

they entice and they beckon

but how funny, your blue eyes

they make a mockery of themselves

for there is nothing behind your sapphire disguise

besides a man far more blue than his funny blue eyes

I can feel the memories being pulled away
stolen in broad daylight
dragged from my consciousness
and
shoved into the compartment labeled neatly with your name

your voice stumbles its way through long hallways and down seemingly incessant stairwells
until it reaches a room with security so adept that not so much as a whisper goes unnoticed

your touch floats from neuron to neuron
getting lost in my space
until it is drawn into an empty corner
where it will stay tucked away out of my reach

I am losing you
piece by piece and moment by moment
exactly the way I knew I would

I am losing you, being robbed of my remembrances

but don't you dare, not even for a second, think that I ever let you go

some days I think that if I told you
how much **** you've put me through
it'd **** you
it'd knaw away at whatever is left of your soul

other days I think you'd be proud
your ego would grow that much bigger
knowing that you've left me here speechless
empty and hurt with stars in my eyes

how you can look at me that way and in the same breath say you feel nothing

i want to rip off my own skin

piece by piece

and stitch it back together

so that it matches hers


i want to carve my cries

into each and every bone

filing away at myself

until I fit her frame


i want to cut and cut and cut

slashing down to my core

until there is only enough fat

to mold myself into her shape


i want to scrape off my

STUPID

*******

FACE

erasing every feature

until my very essence has disappeared

and i

LOOK

LIKE

HER


her

the ever changing image of beauty

the elusive illusion of perfection


the woman we all strive to be

the woman

the image

the ideal

the ideal that not even she herself can attain

afraid
afraid of what she could do
afraid of who she could be
shutting off and powering down
only to see what she closed her eyes to avoid