My most favorite thing
Is when they still have long hair
And dress like guys do now
Not super baggy pants
But not form fitting either

And you take them to bed,
Or, knowing stems,
They take you to bed.
And all that manliness
About them is still
Just barely there,
In the ***** of their shoulders
And the way their hands touch you

But then they get undressed
And it's the most beautiful
Combination
Of boy and girl.
They're so fresh and confident
But not cocky

They're respectful and talented
And it's like they try to only
Show the manly side

But then you get into bed
And it's like unwrapping
A present
That only gets better
Every time you unwrap it

A little piece of their femininity
Uncovered just for you,
In that moment only.

Late at night sadness covers up my skin, ivy
on the old bricks of an abandoned mental hospital,
broken windows, we stopped needing help years ago,
and this place is just as scary empty as it was full
expect when the doors were open the crazies
would come and go, I swear it made the stay
a little more tolerable

I'm terrified to see him once more,
He was the trigger to anxiety,
He was the break of all trust,
He was the death to my soul,
I'm terrified to see him once more.

All I see are these eyes.
These dark, dark eyes,
floating on a sea of darkness - not connect to a body.

Just there - up close to me.
Pressing against my eyes.
I felt like the eyes had pushed into my own eyes.
Peaked in to my very soul
Breaking my weak spine and mind.

I want to scream
Pray for this to be a dream
But fear has a funny way
Of stopping you doing what you want.

So I do nothing.
And life goes on.

*Oh, but those eyes.
They're in my brain.

They're here to stay.

I stopped eating because I was tired of gaining weight
I stopped weighing myself because I was tired of disappointment