her eyes
were black
no trace of white around
and I always wondered
what they reflected
did they reflect her soul
her endless soul
full of mysteries
hidden in the depth
concealed by her
only for her to see
or were they a reflection
of what has been and
what will inevitably be
the beginning
and the end
of time

I lost myself
never to be found

be you
she said
I didn’t have the heart
to tell her
I have no idea
who that is

lately
I haven't been writing
like I used to
it used to be a flow of words
love or hate didn't matter
I just loved it when
the words
landed on the paper
elegant like butterflies
but now
they turned into rocks
scratching the paper
hurting my mind
they change
every poem I write to

please like me
please like
me please like me
please like me please
like me
please

all the pain
is it worth it
endless thoughts
is it worth it
all the hate
is it worth it
always tired
is it worth it
all the tears
is it worth it
this battle
where it seems
like I can’t win
is it worth it?

just in case
you’re in a dark place
and can’t seem
to find a light switch
or matches even
I want you to know
you are loved
maybe not by yourself
yet
but you are
even though it sounds
like a fairytale for now
at some point
you’ll find the light switch
or the matches
and you’ll be able to see
that the fairytale
came true
and you’re the one
that made it happen

when I visit
my previous home
I’m welcomed back
with a kick in my stomach
so I bow
thank you for having me back
where do you want me
but while I bow
the fog in my head clears up
so I turn around
and run
as far away as I can
but I can never get myself
to throw away
the key

sadness
and happiness
so close
yet so far apart
my heart filled its self
with this loving hurt
and that is when I knew
it is an honor
to be human

I can see it in your eyes
hear it from your mouth
feel it in the air
I see it taking over
your body
demanding control of
everything
I want to say
you don’t have to be

but I think I’d look silly
talking to a mirror

we are taught
that we can choose
between living
and death
but there are people
in between
they’re in the grey spot
not-alive
it is personal
and emotional
it’s hell on earth
so we act like it doesn’t exist

and in some way
it doesn’t
we keep ignoring them
we keep telling them
you’re going through a phase
or
it’ll get better
everytime they hear it
a hand pushes them further away
from the living
they think they’re dead
anyway so
what’s the difference