I fell in love with you on molly
I fell in lust with you on ****
Felt bigger than myself
Wanted you and no one else
on LSD
But heartbreak came with sassafras
You looked at me with eyes of glass
Because the high can never really last
And now my dreams live in the past

I wish I could say that I told you I was fragile,
that the last boy who loved me left without a goodbye,
and that in the midst of trying to bring him back home
I realized I was nothing but glass and ended up falling to the floor,
left cracked and scattered.

I thought you were the broom that could sweep me back together,
but you only made a path so that you could walk by unharmed;
you left the swept up pieces in the dust pan,
I didn't know you'd soon throw them away.

There's little pieces of me still sliding around on the wooden floor,
I should've known you wouldn't try to put me back together.
I wish I could say I warned you of my sharp edges
and the amount of tears I've accumulated,
but you saw the flowers I held,
and I didn't think much of the dirt;
nor did I ever think you'd create more weight.

You watered the flowers so much they drowned,
and you left them to wilt; you left me overflowing.
I wish I told you to leave before breaking me again,
I guess I forgot.

But mosaics are just pieces of broken glass,
and by breaking me you've only made it easier
for the next person to find me more disastrously beautiful.

(NJ2014) © All Rights Reserved.

i don’t know how someone as small as me
with bones that break at the sight of heat lightning
and heart strings that thread apart at the sound of his voice
could make anyone feel like the sun shines brighter
through kaleidoscope eyes—
you’re okay if it brings out the freckles on your face,
and you feel good, you feel alive
you say i showed you how to love in a new way,
that i taught you to be so much more okay with your tummy,
“it’s been very freeing and life is a lot better, thank you,”
but i feel like i can’t say you’re welcome
because i am a messy cliché of imperfect scraps and hypocrisy
loosely sewn together with
“you are strong you are strong you are strong,”
but i feel so weak i feel so weak i feel so weak
and i am not steady hands, they shake like
wet dogs after kiddy pool baths,
i am flower seeds that forgot how to bloom,
trapped below the surface of a garden that feels like quicksand
and i’m sorry but you don’t see all the mistakes i make,
all the words i’ve preached that look back at me
and laugh when they see
what i feel, what i think, who i am behind closed doors,
i’m sorry.
you keep hanging medals around my neck, and
they’re so heavy, and i don’t know
what to say besides i love you
when you speak words of adoration,
but please do not praise me, i am not good.

The mother screaming in pain,
the fathers sarcastic laugh,
the smell of petrol and burning skin.

The inferno is rising
"Run little one, run, live for
me”, and away she went.
Watched the inferno consume,
her mother and that man.

Buried under the ashes,
memories still fresh as ever.
A small house stands, where
her life ended.

A couple fighting and screaming,
a little child crying.
Will history repeat itself?
And leave another child orphaned?

I loved you for your broken soul, your frightened eyes and lonely tears
I offered you my shallow pride, my hidden scars and jealous fears

I fought with you and yelled at you all the while my eyes crying out Why can't you just hold me one more time?!!  

But you are not here, only the scars you left behind.

Pathetic are the mid-night thoughts
about your future love
your past heartbreaks
your poorly thought out hook-ups

Sad are the mid-night thoughts
about the loss of those important
what you could have achieved but never did
and maybe never will

Depressing are the mid-night thoughts
about what a burden you are to everyone
how you'd never hurt again if you weren't alive
that everything you do will never amount to anything

But, it's time for me to move past those emotions
on to something better
an emotion I've never truly felt
that only I can control
and that's the happy mid-night thoughts
about tomorrow and what I might achieve
who I could make smile
what pretty faces I may see