I made a choice
Learnt to Love just
As you taught me
Now with all the
Knowledge am confused
Where to implicate.
I try to resonate with
Possibilities of waiting as
part of testing but loose my balance on
WHAT?
and
WHY?

If communication wasn't
Much of a death wish to you
Maybe our LOVE
Would still be alive.
But you can't miss
What you replaced.

I know you are mad
But am confused
On what action
To take
You went missing
And you do not want
Me finding you or
You finding me
It ***** but you know
I get my head around everything
Lately rollercoaster's been
My ride or die
I love the audacity it
Pulls in.
You can ask the
Lost Son if you
Doubt

I don't trust
This thing drumming
Inside my chest
Misled me once
And such privileges
Comes at a cost
What should I do
Trade it for a pure one
Bleach it to spice it up a lil bit
Do away with it
Stop listening to it
Ignore it
Or embrace its state coz
As much as I want to run
I own it
Been engulfed by love
To it
I am its
And its mine.
What is the matter with me
Or really what matters

The waves welling
Up my throat
My stomach full with doubt
Constipating despair
Irritated by questions
As my brain can't comply
My reasoning sick
And the rhetorics
Driving me crazy on what
Is the real deal here.

Who am I?
Why me?
Why all the struggle?
Then purpose drops
But the questions still
Remains unanswered
Bewildered at how people
Push through suchlike
Waves
And why?

You know yesterday
I actually found a card
He once sent me
Then reading I discovered,
He saw that coming
Us breaking up
"We may not be making each other aware of our feelings often, but the love we share, is beyond the day to day expressing...
Its a feeling that our hearts have taken for granted forever."

Am not sure what I
Feel anymore
Should it be joy
That he hoped that even though now
We might part ways
That later we will reunite
Or he saw that even though
Our love was true
It was forbidden and
The only way out to
Protect both our hearts
Was to break the bond and hurt
To nurse it all our lives.

Its hard to keep breaking
Through when all I can do
Is try keep up!!!

On the break
Season,
I asked..
Does he miss me?
Why has he never called?
Does he even have an idea why?
Why i left?
Why i try to be happy for him?
Why i hold back my tears?
Why i keep smiling in disguise?
Why he keeps me guessing?

Then in long solitude
I learnt you can't miss
What you replaced.

Writing was a walk
In the park
As the dew kissed
My numb feet.
I slid easily and
Words flew from my
Heart to paper
Like a broken dam.
But here i am
Unable to gup
A word just because
You said *HI