I'm usually one to count my steps
To shy away & question
My skepticism keeps me safe I suppose
I rely on my intuition,
& my discretion

But then you come
You sweep me off of my feet
You look at me with these soft sweet eyes
And my heart skips beats
and it trips
and it summersaults
And i look into your pretty, pretty eyes and I fall each time I swear I do

So I put my guard down
I allow vulnerability to become me
I share with you things about me
Things I hesitate to share
And this vulnerability grows
It creates a nagging monster of fear that drowns me with negative thoughts
And I fight it but it wins
I'm left defeated, tired, and distraught

This gap grows between us
And I feel you so distant
as if you're a stranger, a bystander on the street
That travels past me just like the short breath of an instant
Who's rhythmic steps don't match my wandering feet

It breaks me into a million minuscule little glass pieces.
Because I feared that I would fall and break.
I'm just a girl with glass bones and paper skin.
You weren't there to catch me.
You aren't here to ease this ache.

Mama,
I love you with my heart and soul; why did you have to grow old? The forgetfulness is everyday and you hurt me with the things you say. I miss our talks, I miss our hugs: when I say I love you, I just get a shrug. You look at me with a blank stare, as if you're wondering why I'm there. You don't know me, your own daughter, and as the days go by you disappear farther. There are days when you do see me, but those are few and far between. I miss your laughter and our talks and how we'd link arms when we walked. Now as I push you around in a chair, I think to God how this isn't fair. I want the mother I used to know, not the one that comes and goes. The memories of us run through my head as I watch you lying in that bed. You're  now a prisoner of your own mind and there are days when your words aren't kind. The things you say cut my heart in two; that isn't my mother, that isn't you. There are days when I wish the angels were here, to take you to daddy, but that's also my fear. To lose my mommy, the one I remember, but that would mean that I surrendered. That I gave up on seeing recognition and the love in your eyes that had no conditions. I get so angry and frustrated with you when you forget what to do. I know it's not how you wanted your golden years to be and that you'd be mortified to see: the way your life has taken a twist and that it's not what you'd wish. When the times comes for you to go, the tears from my heart will overflow. They will be from immense relief, but also from heartbreaking grief because even though you're gone now, long ago you kissed my brow. You are my mother, mama, mommy, friend and I will love you to the bittersweet end.

is it pain?
when you have the desire to touch someone you love
and to feel the electricity goes around your body
burning like golden flames inside your veins
but you know you just can't do it?

is it pain?
when you admire their pretty starry eyes
that shines so bright like a sunlight peeks around it
and you always pray they will turn around to find your eyes
and to catch your locked gaze,
but you know they will not do it?

is it pain?
when a one look of their eyes
suddenly reminds you with your old favorite songs
and a beautiful movie scene
and a love poetry or maybe old love letters
but you know they do not feel the same?

*and the pain goes through my fingertips
until the deep heartstrings of mine
until the white fragile bones of mine
and my eyes are numb
and all I know
is
just
pain.

turn my poetry into necklace and wear it today
forget about world and let's run away

we should hang out together,
watch countless number of people's lies

until one of us dies

let's talk about false hopes and immorality,
bring up the past and prove ourselves wrong
overdose our body with sad songs
believe in misfortune and tell secrets first before the clue
and right before you fall into madness,
I will catch you

Howl at the moon, lone wolf.
For your anger fuels your cry.
Left to roam, but without a home.
Your voice echoes to the sky.

Howl at the moon, lone wolf.
For you have left the pack.
Prideful and strong, you refuse to follow.
And for you there's no turning back.

Howl at the moon, lone wolf.
For the forest will spread fear.
Late at night, with no hope in sight.
Your call will catch their ear.

Howl at the moon, lone wolf.
The blood flows through your core.
The flesh of your enemy torn to shreds,
Leaves you only wanting more.

So howl at the moon, my dear lone wolf.
For it's they only way you know.
You'll cry to the unforgiving sky.
And never find where to go.