I find myself in chains walking across an open field
Drowning in a sea of my own doubt,
As life whoops me like a newly reformed slave
Systematically ripping me of my pride and high self esteem
Until I'm nothing but a mindless zombie with a soul
My heart shattered unable to comprehend why it was sentenced to die in the most painful way
Why it leaks a substance that resembles that of tar
Screaming in pain and agony as it is shredded for parts
I tried running away but my legs feel like jello
My mind won't function, it's too damaged by the blood infested whip that squeeze the life force out of it
And my soul just watches crying tears of blood,
Weakening every second of everyday as it trembles in disbelief
I want to go home, but there is no home for me to go to
So I just lay there rotting away until my damaged remains turns to dirt and blows away

long hair cut short.
apology after apology.
jackets often worn,
if not, sweaters or
long-sleeved tops.
anti-social,
not because
i hate people,
but i fear they hate me.
isolation in my bed,
sometimes,
panic attacks
in the bathroom.
constant overthinking,
whether 3 am or 3 pm.
scribbles thoughts
into poems,
but hides them.
pushes away,
even though i want
to pull them closer.

in a parallel universe
you never broke me
and you still speak of me
with love on your tongue

in a parallel universe
your eyes still drip with desire
begging for me to come closer
rather than never even looking my way

in a parallel universe
you still love me
as much
as i still love you

in a parallel universe
is where my heart lives
and maybe that's why i'm not over you
because in some world i still hold your heart

and in all worlds you still hold mine

s.s

at age 10,
my mother pointed
At the small birth mark
On my left knee and said,
"Someone's going to love
You for that one day."

At age 16,
I told her that a boy,
One far away,
Told me I was unloveable.
"He couldn't be more wrong,"
She promised.

At age 19,
She picked up my prescription,
And cried,
"I don't want you
To get your heart broken,
Mary." She sobbed.

The empty encouragements mean nothing,
When a daughter has decided
That the need to be tragically beautiful,
Is more important than the need
To be exceptionally loved.