feast for the ancestors who were famished
embrace the familiar damage
bisou bisou, thankful for the room
used to be so stuffy in the old place
i left my feelings of inadequacy in my old ways
old space, watch the page turn
displace metaphors about the days turn
is getting older just getting further from my innocent joy?
is getting older just pretending that i feel joy?
a glimpse of it underneath the books that weigh heavy on my brain
trying to understand everything but neglecting vain
trying to fulfill the expectations expected of me
for my ancestors who were famished
i am grateful for the feast

many moons ago, i wished for growth
my own wishes have been granted
heart filled rivers no longer suspended
thought processes have ascended
became my recommended
became my #1 investment
many moons ago, i held you close
my dread is now all my own
haunted by images, pursuing solo
independent rivers
follow the erratic flow

never been addicted to the pursuit
loaded the gun but i would never shoot
i like where i am, i understand now
just had to see how it panned out
escapist oasis, touching land now
swam in muddy waters, searched for myself
thought i knew better, looked outside myself
follow the river into the ocean’s mouth
swallow my pride and shut my mouth
observe and serve
discern and curve

i feel like i am the only one hanging on
even the wind could blow us apart
your fingertips traced the cracks in my heart
the pieces a mosaic of pain
your disposition in the shadow of vain
how do flowers bloom?
is it natural, too focused on the factual
tunnel vision, student of the actual
if you wanted to, you would
if you sought to, we would

moonlighting, soul finding
i allowed myself room
night lifing, divine timing
i look up to the moon
thankful, grateful
two things I used to be unable
to connect to, reject anywho
shows me anything different than the patterns I have noticed
the patterns are now broken
shackles no longer immobilize me

haunted by your presence
your imprint in my powder
stamped on my heart forever
everything reminds me of you
I wish you didn’t matter
can’t even see pictures of me
without relating them to how you used to be
changed the way i see
pivotal in my evolution, delusional since rejection
been off the market, been on the grind
been second guessing
my part in the tragic fall, maybe i am not such a victim after all
maybe i am not so young and dumb after all
maybe i am better off