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muhdzaim Jul 2018
what time right now?
I ask after I have done
every "blissful works" of mine.
Every "blissful art" painted,
hope its consume my time.
But it will never happen,
not even a time.

what time right now?
I keep asking
every time I'm daydreaming.
Just don't want to feel empty
and want to "run from reality".
Like the world has no meaning,
I took a pill to swim into my dream.

what time right now?
Wondering all day long,
got nothing to do.
Keep brushing off all the "artwork"
painted on my body,
while whining on my knee.

what time right now?
I give a look to the sky
when the night "bloom".
The moon says "hi"
and the sun said
"hope to see you tomorrow".

I'm crying in my mind,
hoping with my heart,
before close my eyes,
24/7, please no tomorrow.
muhdzaim Sep 2018
Where are you?
Where are you at when I feel weak,
All the darkness kept hold me down,
I do not know if I could hold it anymore,
because I know "they" will come more and more,
non-stop like don't know when "they" will stop.

Hey, can you find your way?
The way to touch me,
Makes me feel that "you're" still existed,
I know almost the "inside" surrounded by black light,
but I want you to get out of the dark "maze".
and meet me at my gaze.

I feel so miserable,
I feel so helpless,
I am so weak to speak,
I really want to shut my eyes forever,
And makes "them" disappear until
they're out of number.
Yet still, "they" are good at controlling me,
Am I hopeless?

Maybe yes I am,
but I still want you to know
Dear Mr.Strength,
please come back to my life,
and together we create a better life.
Wrote this since I am felt so miserable.
muhdzaim Jul 2018
Dear myself,
Why I can't feel anything?
There's pain but
I feel like  i'm "immune" to it,
I feel like i am addicted to that,
and love to play with it.

Dear myself,
Why I can't see anything?
I lost in the dark pitch world.
I am so "lonely".
Sometimes i feel like i'm "drowning",
and sometimes i feel like i'm "falling"
Every time i tried to reach for a "thing" to hang on,
I couldn't find any "thing".

Dear myself,
Why nobody heard my "whine"?
Helplessly crying and whining.
Why nobody "saw" me?
Maybe there's no door open for me
and no window for me to "face" the light.

Dear myself,
Why keep hiding from the "crow"?
Why keep crying "soundlessly"?
All the "dark" bruises and scars never leave,
Not even once to relieve.

I beg to myself,
Please hold my "hand",
Do not avoid me,
Please give me a chance to walk,
to show a grin and see the light,
Please do not "delete" me,
I know you still love me
Even I am you,
with all the "begs",
and all the "rainbow" dreams,
You know what you want to say,
"It's alright".
okay this is all about between my fake self and true self. feel like every time i want to change to my true self, i will said " its alright" or "maybe next time" .
muhdzaim Dec 2018
No hope no sob
No women no love
No men no pride
I want no hopes
Cause it makes me choked.

Every time "its" smile,
I am so in love,
Most of the time "they" lean,
My body 's "aching",

When the time "they" are gone,
My world becomes dimmer.
A lot of time "its" blurring,
Makes me couldn't see my future,
And every time to say "goodbye",
I could really die.

I can't run from "it",
I can't hide from "it",
Cause it's will happen like a loop,
And I will always lose,
Move on or still giving hopes,
That's what I need to choose.
Eventually, everyone still really hoping on something to be happening such as love, relationship, family, happiness and future. But every time you couldn't get what you hoping for, it really makes you sad and miserable.  So, I hope you guys be strong and independent.
muhdzaim Mar 19
My life be like,
Waiting for your words
to pop up on my dying cell phone,
And every time i lost my words
when you ring on my cell phone,
Maybe this is what i called "crazy feeling",
Yet I just feel normal,
So that's mean I am okay.

At some point,
I enjoy every moment
when i felt like we're "one",
Have this thought that you're the one,
Or maybe i just overthink it?
It's too overwhelmed if i think about it,
It's normal to have a feeling like this,
So that's mean I am okay.

Up until today,
Nobody know the answer,
And at some point the table turn without any of my conscience,
To know that the person you love is disappearing,
It is just not real,
To wipe out all the desire, imaginations and all the moments,
It is my weakness,
May you found the
peace and beautiful future,
So that maybe i can be in your
"life iterature".
muhdzaim Apr 3
"Physically" flawless,
makes people be so shameless.
Mentally madness,
because love is the craziest.
Through the sky and the moon,
There are so many beautiful things,
Some of it I couldn't understand,
and some of it not even "shine".

When the night cover the blue sky,
Billions of stars are "blooming",
Billions of thoughts are coming,
And makes me thinking,

"Wish i could count all the stars and all my scars".

Its just at the end of the day,
Let's just put a fullstop for the day cause tomorrow is waiting,
Till the eyes close,
May all the thoughts be my "lullaby".
muhdzaim Jun 2018
When we were small,
Our parents want us to talk.
When we can talk,
Our parents want us to walk.
Today when we are walking,
We could feel the breeze.
Walk by the road, there's no peace exist.

When we could feel and see,
The world is all about pain.
That's time we realize that people only act like "saint".
When our parents dead,
We could feel the "bang".
Along by the pain,
They attack us like dark shadow fang.

There's no doubt without doubting,
There's no satisfactions without trying,
And there's no pains without causing.
We kept drowning by the "dark" pleasure,
Because the "dark" pleasure is more pleasure
While the ***** praise "them" and forget their sins,
All the poor people keep stitching and defending.

Today,  I barely can enjoy the rain.
Yes I hope I can turn back time and become kids again,
Too much shadow and pains I received today,
Most of it from the one i believed nowadays.
muhdzaim Jul 2018
"Who fault is this?"
Nobody knows, nobody wanted to come out,
Too silent to hear a ***** sound,
Yes, the offender is too powerful,
and make us "zip" our mouth.
Forced us to point our finger to poor people,
and make us felt guilty.
This weakness kept hunt us down
and "dance" with us until we die.

Boy or girl, you can cry
but how long?
"How long can I endure ?"
I still do not know the answer.
While we "make" the world more worst,
we still lose deep in our mind.
Afraid to come out, afraid to speak out loud,
afraid to fight back and keep "lie" with our mouth.

"When we can stand together?"
"When the cry will stop?"
"When the dream become true?"
Today I stand on my own feet to fight back, tomorrow I am happy,
Today I stop the cry to make a great move and say "no" loudly,
Today I come out as a real person, no faker, no more "questions".
Yes, today I can change the "questions" to reality.
No more questions guys. It's okay you can cry even you're a boy because you're human too. But when the "questions" can change to reality? So let's be brave to come out, say "no", fight back, stop the cry because that's the only ways to change the world to a better place because we deserve to be happy and make our dream come true.
muhdzaim Jun 2018
Those "petals" start to blooming like a wing,
The "pleasant scent" start spreading with the wind,
While too much colors "they" wanted to be,
More "thorns" keep growing and freely hurting.

"They" are just like roses,
Roses have 14 colors,
But "they" have more than 14 colors,
Sometimes "they" mixed and
Hide behind the beautiful "images".
While the outside keep blooming beautifully,
The inside keep hurting
and "hiding" secretly.

I love "roses" because of their scent,
I have it but still forgot their "thorns"
Those "thorns" bleed me every time I touched,
Hurt me deeply yet still mesmerizing.
Yes it's true ,
"They" keep forgot why I love
and have them.
Well actually i relate "roses" to human who looks innocent, pure and beautiful outside but actually the inside as bad as we never imagine .  Too much personalities(colors) they wanted to be and show, the evil side keep hurting other people and hiding perfectly without no one know.  We all have fav "roses" in our life , but we always forgot their "thorns" that actually can bleed and hurt us deeply.
muhdzaim Feb 11
When I work by myself,
I feel like I am lonely,
Could feel the wind dancing,
Could feel the feelings I should not feel,
Could have thought of million things,
And missing the touch between the other's skin.


When I am surround by people,
Curses become goodnight wishes,
Love become painful and heartless,
Fighting is the main course,
Dark is our source,
And Light is not for us.

What should I choose?,

Where should I go?,

Who should I be with?,

The answer?
I still don't know,
I am clueless,
Just following all the endless road,
With heart full of hopes,
May the ending bring all the "pieces".
Sudden thoughts of mine when i am space out while hanging out with my friends.
muhdzaim Aug 2018
walking through a tunnel,
no light no wind,
no sound could be heard,
no "potion" to heal,
search for anything in the bag,
but nothing can be "grab",
face up, looking straight,
no sun to see.

"they" keep pushing me,
like there's no limit,
My soul is so weak
with no any "spirit",
they asked for it,
I keep give it,
need a short break,
from all "those freak".

is this the only path?
maybe yes or not,
give me some light,
to open my eyes,
I know at the "front",
there's always a way to walk through,
lead me to a better tunnel
and have some space,
my wound could be healed,
with an "easy" phase.

— The End —