People say you can't predict the future.
The one-sided posters and paper lies.
They lie that you are yourself.
They lie that you can predict.
They lie that you are in control.
When you lose control, you lose yourself.
shaken.
broken.
unable to get up.
i dont want to think that way.
i dont want to feel that way.
i dont........

Do you see the world behind that glass door in the woods?
Where you had all the money.
Where you have all you wanted.
Where you can ride on dreams.
Where you can be who you wanted to be.
Where you could be believed.
But...never be happy.
This fantasy I do not want.
Loving this...I can't.
I would just stick onto reality.
Where death is real but still be happy....
Where death is real but life follows behind.

I sit down at the chair of the dining table.
The sunlight shining in.
Giving it's warm colours to the dull metals of the room
It's light curled around the curves of metal.
It's hands curled around you.
When you danced in your ***** pajamas,
the light took you to my eyes.
The light, one of a shadow play, pictured you in my mind.
In the folds and camera of my eye.
You shone so bright.
A silhouette lined with light.
That's who you were when you danced in the sun.
A mere cartoon in front of my eyes.
Step out of the light.
No....no...
May I join you?
Join you in this dance.
So that I can see your face.
So that I can see, clearly the curves and the round cheeks of yours.
Your brown hair skiing across my face.
Bubbling laughter's fill the air.
You and me...
Dancing in the endless light.
Slowly....we take flight...
In the symphony of lights.

Sorry guys, I am just going through some stuff and I would have major shifts in thinking, in mood, in my attitude in my spirit in my heart.

So the poems and the meaning might change. And I am so sorry if you don't like frequent posts. And sorry for all the different ups and downs.

Like one time I am brave and ready and bold, then another time, broken, shattered, near to giving up....just bear with me! I would probably get better...soon.

"Stop!"
I screamed in the room of my mind.
My echoes, echoed in the emptiness of this room.
Shutting up the messy voices in my head.
Who is trying to get a place in my head.

"Who is who?"
I really don't know.
I fall for it's tricks sometimes.
It's cunning, slick, twisted hands grab on me.
And I fall into it.
Only to wake myself up.

"How can I live when I don't know who my voice is"
"How can I live when I don't know what is God's voice?"
How can I be such a failure....there you go again, falling into the traps of these lies.
And yet again......see....I just can't stop believing in those lies.
It tears me apart in the inside.
Careful to not break me on the outside.
So that people won't know the storm inside of me....
So that I would be alone.

"Stop being so stupid, foolish, distracted, and stop being such a failure....you are so stupid...you truly are..." I say as I speak to the mirror...

My heart being pressed,
my soul being crushed,
I am unable to breathe,
I am unable to stand,
what's happening to me!!!

Am I getting lost
or simply out of my mind?
what's rising within me?
a whirlwind of thoughts
or a whirlpool to drown me!!!

everything seems blue,
and i have no clue.
Can someone help me?
Can someone sort it out?
how to get these things out!!!