Tossed into the muddy reservoir of bad choices.
You are the words coming back to haunt me.
You are those voices.
I am all the times you thought you knew better;
I am the constant reminders.
I am the torn up love-letter.

The unread magazines that hide your drawings.
The bitter, black coffee
that picks me up in the mornings.
The way the sun comes out earlier this time of year;
And how the rain comes and hides, and obscures
the tears.
The hello's and goodbye's,
forced
and insincere.
And the voice that whispers:
"It's alright,
have no fear."
And the other voice that whispers other things
I'd rather not hear.

I am all the decisions you wish you hadn't made.
You are every note,
out of tune
or misplayed.
You are the soundless symphony;
the forgotten serenade.

You are the one I haven't met yet.
The rising of the moon
and the falling of the sun set.

I am the poems never read,
and the songs never sang.
I am door never opened;
the telephone that never rang.

We were the story never told,
and the feelings never shared.
The ones that didn't live to ever grow old.
The empty box, written with the words
"Handle with care."

Swag is for boys
That's what I liked then
But, just have to say
Class is for men.

I like my men
With bits of respect
Now, I gotta say
"Swag's" a defect

When I marry
Instead of some swag
I want some class
Sewn into my man.

Lord, I renew my vows
I feel you with me now
So reachy heart in me
And plunge me in the sea.

I wish
With all my heart
That I could talk to you.

But I promised.
I was stupid
And I promised I wouldn't.

So now
So late at night
Darkness seeping in through my window
When I need you
To
Speak
To me

What can I do?
What can I do when I need you?

the way you view the world
through rose colored eyes
looking towards the heavens lost in the sea
and the oceans in your veins
that run through your warm fingers
painting the sky a deep ocean blue
that glitters in your mermaid eyes.
i hope that when the stars in the everlasting skies
lose their fire and fall
you make a wish and light another fire in your heart
bright enough to burn through the fears
lost in the shadows of your soul.
promise me that when the ocean whispers your name
you will run forward into its cold embrace
with your arms spread wide
and you'll never look back
towards the rivers and lakes that once held you back
from who you are now.
and with the powerful waves that drip from your fingers
and billowing fires alight in your heart
i hope you never lose sight of the shore.

As I stare you down
Laying in my arms
My own lungs could drown
For I cannot breathe

How your chest goes down
And comes right back up
A sweet gold crown
Of our memories

Looking here at you
Takes me to a place
Where I dream of two
I smile at your face

I know when you wake
You will leave me here
Drifting to the lake
You were meant to go

When you leave me here
It hurts me, angel
Know you'll disappear
When you do come back

Dearest angel mine
As you rest so deep
Take up wings and fly
Beautiful in sleep

Oh, what shall I do
When you leave me here
This place meant for two
Will have only one

I thought you loved me
You said forever
So , dear, I'm begging
                    "Don't leave me here


...lonely"

And just like a mason jar
Or a broken car
You threw aside my heart
Like some messed up art

And just like the ocean
Or a dead man's house
My heart is now empty
All the people poured out

You took all my love
And you threw it away
And all I can think is
I wish you had stayed

It's not much your fault
What happened to me.
You're just a child
My heart is the sea.

And I suppose after all
My foster child
You just did as you were told
You just moved on

I love
My God
Because when I am upset
And depressed
And angry
Sinful
Sad
And a swirling
Swirling tornado
Of emotions

And I say to Him,
"God, save me, I'm drowning"
He saves me.

And when life is so dim that I can't
See
A foot in front of me
And I am falling fast
Through the dark
I can feel
Feel His arms
Bearing me up
Wrapping me up
In the most comforting
Life-giving
Hug imaginable.

Here.
Quietly, then all at once
Her voices and touches arise.
Smiling bright as smooth sunshine,
I lift up my nose to the breeze.

Childhood hides among the brambles
Laughter peeks from under each stone
The trail hums with life.
Walking, gliding through the brush
Playing peek-a-boo with the path,
I embrace Her like an old lover and teacher,
For it was here
In the shade of figs and acorns
That I learned I could soar.

Here.
Where beetles mate and ants labor
Where crackle-leaves dissolve and the soil exhales warmth
Where field mice scurry and fledglings learn to fly.

Even on another continent,
Her caress is familiar.
It is the one of thorn bushes and wildflowers and weeds.
It is the stumble-over-stones
And the ear-tickling-buzz of the bees.

Here.
I know I am Home.