How could you preach about life being fair when it is truly not

i see you went to new york,
the place with a million lights.

my favorite place in the world,
you were once my favorite girl.

i wonder if you thought of me,
while driving up there during christmas time.
i told you i wished to see the lights.

i wonder if you took the time.

and you got into university,
a tough one at that.
your passion for learning goes to show.

i'm proud of you, you know.

i wish i was like that.

i wish i was smart.
i wish i was strong.

and i know you struggle with perfectionism.
but you look at you now.

i hope you find your favorite place in the world.
you were once my favorite girl.

It wasn’t fast or loud
It didn’t happen with a bang, or a crack, or a crowd.

It was more like sleeping.
A slow slip a lovely creeping.

It wasn’t a fall or a trip
It was an aching rip

I just looked at you
And I knew

But I wasn't surprised
It had been there all along I realized

But it had just opened its eyes
Beautiful brown ones full of love and void of lies.

That is how my love for you came,
Slowly and without shame.

you removed me
from your public profile
wiped it clean
like i never
existed

i wished you’d do this for so long
i’ve been an *** to you for years
playing a
stupid
game.

but now i wonder
did you remove me from your life too
from your memories
is there no hurt
where once love used to
be?

i hope you succeeded
to forget me
like i never did forget
you

why do i only remember
the bad things i did
but not
the things you said
that made me
angry

why do i
care
when we’ve been nobodies for
years

why do i feel guilty
when it takes two to play this game

i don’t know

i don’t know,

but i want to.

It's a waterfall.
You know, the kind that cascades hard like
the white water rafting trips' featured waves
and just when you think they've calmed,
they're back even stronger.

They said they had their suspicions.
You've been more flamboyant.
You don't want to dress like your gender.
Stereotype, stereotype, stereotype.

But to be accused,
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US
To be yelled at,
YOU THOUGHT WE WERE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU THEN?
To wish you were anywhere else but here...
Somewhere over the rainbow...

But I'll never be over the rainbow.
Contrary to her belief,
it's not a phase or something I'll grow out of.
It's genetic.
Contrary to his thinking,
it's not helping
when all my communication with
others is severed.

I'm gay.
There, I admit it.

It's not like I'm gonna scream it from the rooftops, and no,
it's not the reason that I really like bowties and short hair.

Can't you just
accept me?

The final blow
is when your family
decides you're too good
for that type of lifestyle.

WHAT MORE CAN I DO TO IMPRESS YOU?
I've tried my whole life to make you proud.

I guess this just goes to show
that being myself
will never be enough.

So leave me to my cascades and wet cheeks in bed-why do you care-
because we all know you're wishing I'm something I'm not.
Someone I'm not.

Disowning me
would have been the
far superior alternative
to the disappointment.

"Our youngest daughter is just like her father, but looks like her mother. And our oldest daughter? She looks like her father, but acts like her mother. Well...she did."

knees deep in holy work
grit under nails, sticky hands
every ounce of me
scoop, pile, every ounce of it
packed into cups and piled
my testament
proof of humanity
then, swept away
inevitability is salty and wet
and my sands of life
are gone too soon